I have come to learn that it is only in the rejection of pipe-ownership that I will find peace.
In my short foray into the world of pipe-smoking, having been a cigar smoker for most of my career, I have quickly learned about the scourge of Pipe Acquisition Disorder, affectionately referred to as PAD in the online pipe smoking community. At first, I thought that this acronym was mildly amusing; I have been a member of the Internet community since before the Acceptable Use Policy (AUP) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Science_Foundation) permitted commercial traffic, and always found the use of acronyms only slightly, well...acceptable. And in the very beginning, I thought I had a little PAD of my own. I fell in love with some pipes, such as Paolo Becker’s Mortas, and other works of art, clearly out of reach for me. But my disorder, now as much a part of me as my right arm, having reared its ugly head in so many destructive ways throughout my life, has now taken on a life of its own. As if I should be surprised.
I own only a few pipes. To my daughter, 13 seems like a ridiculously large number. To others, I am confident it is just as small; what kind of a rotation is 13? But, the number doesn’t matter. What matters is that I have been on the hunt to expand my collection, scouring eBay daily, looking for deals, commissioning custom-made cobs, buying Forever Stems, etc. For several weeks I have been looking for unique, or rare and, just as importantly, inexpensive ways to smoke my, even more limited number of different tobaccos.
And I have become disillusioned. I have learned to hate eBay, no, I have learned to hate the whole damned scene. I want everything, but I can’t have it! I can’t afford to snipe all the pipes I really want on eBay. I find myself not being able to “pull the trigger” on some of the amazing pipes offered by the online retailers, to which I have dedicated an entire bookmark folder, just to be able to find them in my messy online-closet. And, every time I find a pipe I want, and to the extent that I am able to buy it, I find myself thinking, “but I want that other one also,” and “what if I don’t like it as much as I like the photo of it,” and “I’m just going to ruin it, char the rim, break the stem trying to clean it, drop it and chip the bowl.” I mean, what the hell is the point?
And then it stuck me. Zen, man! Forget atheism, Siddhartha already figured it all out for you. You can achieve pipe-Nirvana.
In their basic form, the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are:
1. Life is suffering;
2. Suffering is desire (or attachment);
3. Suffering can be eliminated; and
4. The path to the end of suffering is the Middle Way.
I only understand this philosophy in a rudimentary fashion, and never had the discipline that it takes to investigate deeply. But I understand this: I want pipes. I want lots of pipes. I want cool pipes. I want pipes that make me feel good, make me look good, hang effortlessly from my face, make smoking a pleasure.
But, while I can’t have them, or at least, I can’t have them all, my suffering can be eliminated.
All I have to do is give up pipe-smoking.
No! Wait, that’s not right. It’s the Middle Way wherein lies peace, fool!
Just be Zen about it, man.
Just breathe.
Don’t forget that you love smoking pipes. It is as close to Nirvana as you are ever going to get.
And it is quite close, at that.
In my short foray into the world of pipe-smoking, having been a cigar smoker for most of my career, I have quickly learned about the scourge of Pipe Acquisition Disorder, affectionately referred to as PAD in the online pipe smoking community. At first, I thought that this acronym was mildly amusing; I have been a member of the Internet community since before the Acceptable Use Policy (AUP) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Science_Foundation) permitted commercial traffic, and always found the use of acronyms only slightly, well...acceptable. And in the very beginning, I thought I had a little PAD of my own. I fell in love with some pipes, such as Paolo Becker’s Mortas, and other works of art, clearly out of reach for me. But my disorder, now as much a part of me as my right arm, having reared its ugly head in so many destructive ways throughout my life, has now taken on a life of its own. As if I should be surprised.
I own only a few pipes. To my daughter, 13 seems like a ridiculously large number. To others, I am confident it is just as small; what kind of a rotation is 13? But, the number doesn’t matter. What matters is that I have been on the hunt to expand my collection, scouring eBay daily, looking for deals, commissioning custom-made cobs, buying Forever Stems, etc. For several weeks I have been looking for unique, or rare and, just as importantly, inexpensive ways to smoke my, even more limited number of different tobaccos.
And I have become disillusioned. I have learned to hate eBay, no, I have learned to hate the whole damned scene. I want everything, but I can’t have it! I can’t afford to snipe all the pipes I really want on eBay. I find myself not being able to “pull the trigger” on some of the amazing pipes offered by the online retailers, to which I have dedicated an entire bookmark folder, just to be able to find them in my messy online-closet. And, every time I find a pipe I want, and to the extent that I am able to buy it, I find myself thinking, “but I want that other one also,” and “what if I don’t like it as much as I like the photo of it,” and “I’m just going to ruin it, char the rim, break the stem trying to clean it, drop it and chip the bowl.” I mean, what the hell is the point?
And then it stuck me. Zen, man! Forget atheism, Siddhartha already figured it all out for you. You can achieve pipe-Nirvana.
In their basic form, the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism are:
1. Life is suffering;
2. Suffering is desire (or attachment);
3. Suffering can be eliminated; and
4. The path to the end of suffering is the Middle Way.
I only understand this philosophy in a rudimentary fashion, and never had the discipline that it takes to investigate deeply. But I understand this: I want pipes. I want lots of pipes. I want cool pipes. I want pipes that make me feel good, make me look good, hang effortlessly from my face, make smoking a pleasure.
But, while I can’t have them, or at least, I can’t have them all, my suffering can be eliminated.
All I have to do is give up pipe-smoking.
No! Wait, that’s not right. It’s the Middle Way wherein lies peace, fool!
Just be Zen about it, man.
Just breathe.
Don’t forget that you love smoking pipes. It is as close to Nirvana as you are ever going to get.
And it is quite close, at that.
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