The (Introverted) Pipe Smoker's Guide to the Office Christmas Party

thesillyoldbear · Dec 6, 2016

*We appreciate that Christmas parties for most people out there aren't like the ones here at Smokingpipes.com. With that in mind, here's a survival guide for what most of you can expect out of this year's end of year work function.
Yep, that's right ladies and gents, it's that time of year. PSL is out and peppermint mocha is in, supermarkets have been spruiking Christmas decorations for a solid month and change, and every visit to your folks is scored by "that nice Michael Bublé fellow". That could only mean one thing. Despite having spent 261 out of the last 365 days with them, it's time to give up your personal time to go hang out with your semi-drunk co-workers (more formally known as the office Christmas party).
The (Introverted) Pipe Smoker's Guide to the Office Christmas Party

oldreddog · Dec 6, 2016

I just say no.

warren · Dec 6, 2016

Guess I was lucky, never attended one of those types of parties.

thesillyoldbear · Dec 6, 2016

Guess I was lucky, never attended one of those types of parties.

Lucky is about right. I don't think I've had a job since high school where non-attendance was a legitimate option.

aldecaker · Dec 6, 2016

Since drinking tends to make me say what I am thinking, I either skip the work party, or skip the drinking while at the work party. Seems to work out OK.

Chasing Embers · Dec 6, 2016

There were three arrests at mine. I volunteered to work. Avoided the whole insanity, got paid, and didn't have to testify as a witness. :wink:

pagan · Dec 6, 2016

I dont do social gatherings, work related or not

ashdigger · Dec 6, 2016

I'm an office of one...so I drink alone....and I like it.

warren · Dec 6, 2016

Oh, I attended a few Christmas office parties over the years. No booze allowed, that's the trigger I think, as most attendees were under arms. When I was an adult, I was a copper. I'm now reverting back, my filters are worn out and I suspect I'd be the life of any party I chose to attend as I'd probably forget to put on pants before leaving the house.

thesillyoldbear · Dec 7, 2016

Since drinking tends to make me say what I am thinking, I either skip the work party, or skip the drinking while at the work party. Seems to work out OK.

Same, plus the fact that my wife doesn't drive (she lived in Sydney her whole life, there was never a need), so I'm ALWAYS the DD.

thesillyoldbear · Dec 7, 2016

I'm an office of one...so I drink alone....and I like it.

Lol, fair enough.

thesillyoldbear · Dec 7, 2016

Oh, I attended a few Christmas office parties over the years. No booze allowed, that's the trigger I think, as most attendees were under arms. When I was an adult, I was a copper. I'm now reverting back, my filters are worn out and I suspect I'd be the life of any party I chose to attend as I'd probably forget to put on pants before leaving the house.

We should grab a beer

*Just don't forget your pants

pappymac · Dec 7, 2016

I learned a long time ago at Christmas parties to drink something clear, like club soda with a twist of lime. It looks like a drink and you can easily tell someone that it's Rum & Club Soda. If they do bring you a drink, you can always just sip occasionally until the ice melt and then get something else. I found that some people will get offended if you tell them you aren't drinking.

seagullplayer · Dec 7, 2016

If one is invited and its voluntary to attend, its a party.
If you are expected to be there it is either work time you are not paid for or a day when no

profitable work gets done. I can buy my own fruit cake.
My wife knows my thoughts on this and continues to call the Christmas function at my in-laws a "party".

While I am "invited" every year she can confirm I don't go "voluntarily".

jmagen · Dec 7, 2016

I go long enough to make the wife happy (we work at the same place). Usually get her to agree that we'll leave at/ by a certain time; she knows I'm a silent loner type and I know she can gab until sunrise.

mso489 · Dec 7, 2016

Sometimes I attended, sometimes I had previous commitments. Usually, if a few friends went, I at least made an appearance. Crowds usually made it easy to disappear when it became tiresome. Some brave souls actually performed some good numbers, like the dreidel song (from the Jewish holiday game) and a recitation of a Cajun version of The Night Before Christmas. One of my bosses liked to spike the punch (not allowed) which actually made the party livelier and didn't make anyone unpleasant, luckily. I wouldn't have done it for fear of trapping a recovering alcoholic, but I don't know that happened either. All seemed well. As I have noticed at other festive occasions, it's noticeable that most of us don't do so well with overt happiness and celebration. Many look a little lost. One of the directors of my organization used to huddle with senior staff and talk business even though he made a terrific hot-and-spicey dip for the table.

thomasw · Dec 8, 2016

I dont do social gatherings, work related or not

+1

I just say no.

+1 (Glad it is possible for me to avoid)

mso489 · Dec 8, 2016

Two things I missed learning growing up, to party and to brag. These are supposedly superficial skills often abused and sometimes self-defeating, but I have always suspected that I would have "gone farther" with the application of these skills had I acquired them. Parties are still a mystery, and I get by by imitating the crowd, but the idea that pleasure and affirmation are awaiting, that misses me completely. This is a bragging society; the self-abnegating New England humility I learned as a kid is profoundly useless in our culture.

jpmcwjr · Dec 8, 2016

Perfect timing for this thread, tomorrow marks the release of a new flick "Christmas Office Party". From the trailers it looks like a miss for me, but if others enjoy it.....

warren · Dec 8, 2016

I would not call the ability to interact with people in a social setting a "superficial" skill. Successful people do it well. They hone the skill, knowing how valuable it is for learning, gathering information and making the contacts necessary for success.
If you are defining "party" as a "mindless gathering" wherein the intent is to lose one's self-control, you have a valid point mso489. I usually attended a party with a few goals in mind: to meet the most interesting people in attendance, to spend a few minutes in conversation with them in order determine their usefulness, free food and, more important when younger than now, meeting the ladies. Depending on one's career goals, parties were usually just necessary steps on the career ladder. Certain holes had to be punched on your card in order to be considered for promotion in my day.
A little self-control at a party allows one to mine the pickled minds of information, log the uninhibited actions of others for later use, etc.

The (Introverted) Pipe Smoker's Guide to the Office Christmas Party

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