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Sorry, But Some Are Asking About The Chipmunk

(47 posts)
  • Started 2 years ago by indianafrank
  • Latest reply from fishnbanjo
  1. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    I don’t mean to bore some of you with so many posts about a chipmunk. But I’m writing this for some who wanted an update.

    The little runt is still living with me. His family tried to get in the house also but I found out where the entrance point was. There’s a door between my garage and basement. They would run into the garage, and then slip beneath the door to enter the basement. So I sealed off that space under the door.

    I haven’t slept well since the intruder entered my home. My appetite isn’t right, my liquor intake has increased, and my wife says I’m walking around mumbling to myself more than usual.

    I’ve fed that chipmunk expensive cheese, sesame seeds, peanut butter, and nuts of different varieties. All I’ve done is fatten him up.

    We’ll be sitting here at night watching TV and the little bastard runs across the living room floor. He’s under the couch, he goes in and out of the bathroom, the bedrooms, runs back downstairs into the basement. I’ve spent more than a $100 on different traps. I believe this chipmunk is more than a chipmunk. He’s too damn smart to be a normal chipmunk. He’s some kind of mutant, cyborg. He even drove a cat I borrowed crazy.

    My friend let me borrow his cat for overnight. The damn cat shit on my carpet, and peed on the kitchen floor. I even had the kitty litter there for him. Then the cat tried to bite me when I got to close to it. All night the cat meowed. It was freaky!

    My friend said the cat never did that before…and shouldn’t have, unless it was really nervous.

    “NERVOUS.” I screamed.

    “THAT DAMN CHIPMUNK IS MAKING US ALL CRAZY.”

    I swear that S.O.B. is actually toying with me. He knows he’s got me. And that’s the part that really angers me.

    Oh the neighbors are having all kinds of fun with this to.

    “Hey Alvin. Can I play with the chipmunk.”

    “Alvin? Need to borrow another cat?”

    “Alvin? My wife’s knitting you a sweater with a big “A” on it.”

    Now I’m ready to bring in the big guns, an exterminator.

    I don't know where I'm going...but sooner or later I'll get there.
    Posted 2 years ago #
  2. toobfreak

    toobfreak

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    frank---

    About the Cat: The cat won't work because the cat doesn't understand. It thinks its owners don't want it anymore and it has lost its happy home.

    About the Chipmunk: There must be a food source that it is living on in there otherwise it would leave, go back outside, but it sounds like you've locked it in. That is one damned chipmunk! Good luck with the next step.

    To Master Po: Is it not being able to see that makes you tire of life?
    Master Po: No! It is being able to hear!
    Posted 2 years ago #
  3. mso489

    mso489

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    The chipmunk from hell, the cat from hell. Maybe Poltergeists. What you may need is an exorcist.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  4. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    I've got a great story about driving an ancient VW bug with a bag of barn cats to a neighbors place when I was 14. But, that's a long yarn. Good luck hunting them down. I keep a pellet rifle on the back porch to get them when they're digging in my vegetable beds. They are a nuisance.

    Michael
    Posted 2 years ago #
  5. mortonbriar

    mortonbriar

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    You will just have to smoke him out, lend out cobs to your family and neighbours, drag out a big bag of noxious nightcap and fill the house with clouds of chipmunk choking SMOKE!

    I don't really care if the cup is half full or half empty, I just want something to sip on.
    Posted 2 years ago #
  6. tbradsim1

    tbradsim1

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    ::Hey Frank I've got a small Alligator you can borrow, he's fast..

    The Old Cajun
    Posted 2 years ago #
  7. prndl

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    I got a couple neighbors that'll take care of them uppity-assed chipmunks for you. All they'll ask you for is a couple cases of PBR and you won't even have to ice 'em down.

    I do warn you tho. When the least one of the neighbors reaches out and says, "Hold my beer!", then you really need to move away from your house.

    Quickly.

    Home is the sailor, home from sea,
    And the hunter home from the hill.
    Posted 2 years ago #
  8. pappymac

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    I feel ashamed for laughing so hard at your predicament.

    I will punish myself by forcing myself to smoke a pipe full of Bagpiper's Dream while drinking tequila.

    I am glad we have a good admin and responsible moderators.

    Heave to you dark colored ship under sail! Prepare to be boarded!
    Posted 2 years ago #
  9. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    toobfreak -

    There must be a food source that it is living on in there otherwise it would leave

    Yes toob, that food source is me. My grocery bill is going up!

    mso -

    What you may need is an exorcist.

    brad -

    Hey Frank I've got a small Alligator you can borrow, he's fast..

    No way. I haven't been doing well with animals as of late. That alligator would probably end up eating one of my body parts.

    prndl -

    I got a couple neighbors that'll take care of them uppity-assed chipmunks for you.

    Thanks, but my Italian friends have already offered to "whack the munk."

    pappymac, no problem. Laughing is good! And I love Bagpipers dream.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  10. brian64

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    Sorry, But Some Are Asking About The Chipmunk

    I must say that's on a short list of my all time favorite thread titles.

    “Bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” – George Carlin
    Posted 2 years ago #
  11. warren

    warren

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    I'd send you my sympathies but... I'm laughing too hard. I do wish you lick.

    A man without a shillelagh is a man without an expedient.
    Posted 2 years ago #
  12. tinbird

    tinbird

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    You're going to have to go Chevy Chase from Caddyshack on his furry little butt, it's the only way now!!!

    Posted 2 years ago #
  13. sablebrush52

    sablebrush52

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    Chipmunks are great over rice.

    It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

    It is pointless to argue with a fanatic since a dim bulb can't be converted into a searchlight. - Jesse Silver
    Posted 2 years ago #
  14. jpmcwjr

    jpmcwjr

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    I prefer FFFFFF-Fava beans! It does take quite a few to make a decent sized meal, though.....

    I know that you believe you understood what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
    Posted 2 years ago #
  15. tbradsim1

    tbradsim1

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    Don't mess with this one Frank, he's a bad Dude.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  16. pappymac

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    That one looks a little squirrelly to me.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  17. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    OMG, Bradley, they must be related!

    Posted 2 years ago #
  18. toobfreak

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    The battle is almost over Frank, you haven't much longer to suffer through this. The good news is that they will take the house and food but will at least let you still live there.

    Just keep the nut shells from piling up too much, eh?

    You knew the end was near when you woke up this morning in bed, looked down at your chest, and saw one of their scouts sitting on your stomach sizing up the competition:

    Posted 2 years ago #
  19. didimauw

    didimauw

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    Did anyone suggest poison? Put it inside the expensive cheese or something.

    "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
    Posted 2 years ago #
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    jabo

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    Poison gas ! If that doesn't work, you may have to go nuclear. I would advise that your diplomats talk with his to alleviate this invasion problem peacefully.

    Posted 2 years ago #
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    jabo

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    One solution I used:
    HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL
    Wire Palladin
    San Fransico.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  22. jacks6

    jacks6

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    Congratulations on your new pets!

    Posted 2 years ago #
  23. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    toob,

    Posted 2 years ago #
  24. deathmetal

    deathmetal

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    I think Sable has the right idea. When you start visualizing the little furry fu-- err, visitor as food, then he will sense it and flee.

    Otherwise you're going to end up like Carl in Caddyshack.

    "My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whiskey." -- William Faulkner

    The Metal Mixtures
    Posted 2 years ago #
  25. pappymac

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    How's the chipmunk problem? Are they all settled in and enjoying their new home?

    Posted 2 years ago #
  26. tbradsim1

    tbradsim1

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    . Got him Pappy, he got tired of that Eyetaluan food and hopped a train and was trying to steal my Boudin, Big Mistake you know how us Cajuns will eat anything.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  27. ssjones

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    Perhaps a chipmunk sling shot is what is needed.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEIw_jyXTT0

    Al

    Posted 2 years ago #
  28. didimauw

    didimauw

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    So...are they still chillin at your crib?

    Posted 2 years ago #
  29. tinbird

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    I think the time has come for you to realize that all this time you have been fighting your spirit guide. Perhaps by just stopping and allowing it to provide you with seeds of wisdom, it will then move on to other ventures.

    Further, given the importance and longevity of this event, I respectfully suggest that we put our collective heads together and help by giving said creature a proper and respectful name, perhaps something like Borkum. In this way, we can just ask frank, "how are you and the family doing and how's Borkum?
    Seems much more civilized to me.

    What say you good people?

    Posted 2 years ago #
  30. deathmetal

    deathmetal

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    a pellet rifle

    I love little furry critters. But when they invade my family's space, they must die. I like to look in their eyes as the life fades from it, and a .177 pellet through the central chest cavity provides this opportunity.

    If you want to protect the environment, stop people from making it into suburbs and ghettos. You must defend against the plague of rodents and other vermin however, and it's best just to man up and kill them face to face.

    I should also mention again that most of them are tasty if prepared correctly. Waste not, want not.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  31. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    How's the chipmunk problem? Are they all settled in and enjoying their new home?

    YUP! The family has settled in and are now fat and happy. There's at least 3 of them. Their a very intelligent species of chipmunks to. Even the "critter ridder" guy I brought in couldn't remove them. He had to consult with another pest remover after I called him back. They moved out for about a week, but then devised a new plan on how to re-enter, and now once again are enjoying the comforts of my home. Of course the neighbors make fun of my predicament, but then again...it's not easy being me.

    Brad - LMAO :D, and honestly, all though they would amount to finger foods, if I ever capture these bastards I will send them to you so that you and your Cajun friends can enjoy them.

    Al, OMG that video was AWESOME. But...as I've stated before. These "munks" are smart. They really aren't your average chipmunk. And with my luck, if I tried to use that idea I'm afraid the "munks" would turn the tables and get the best of me with that thing.

    didimauw - as mentioned. They are living the good life.

    tinbird, my neighbors do call them Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  32. deathmetal

    deathmetal

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    Business idea: small heating-seeking missiles to eliminate vermin (and cook them at the same time).

    Sort of like in the movie Runaway (1984).

    Posted 2 years ago #
  33. mso489

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    Just yesterday in my yard I saw a chipmunk chasing a full-grown squirrel which was running for its life, eventually up a tree. The squirrel was, of course, about five times the size of the 'munk. I had to admire the little one's ferocity. As long as he or she doesn't come after me. I can't run that fast.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  34. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    Business idea: small heating-seeking missiles to eliminate vermin (and cook them at the same time).

    Sort of like in the movie Runaway (1984).

    That's a helluva idea!

    Just yesterday in my yard I saw a chipmunk chasing a full-grown squirrel which was running for its life, eventually up a tree. The squirrel was, of course, about five times the size of the 'munk. I had to admire the little one's ferocity. As long as he or she doesn't come after me. I can't run that fast.

    Oh ya. I've seen "munks" chase squirrels. And this family of chipmunks are no different, but they're even more brazen. Remember, I borrowed a friends cat to eradicate Alvin from my home...the cat failed, and has never been the same again. These are not your ordinary chipmunks. I'm ready for an exorcist.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  35. pappymac

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    If my daughter would allow it, I would ship you a dachshund mutt living in my backyard. She had him fixed a couple of years ago but all that did was to stop him from trying to dig holes under the fence. Apparently the female dogs in the neighboring yards hold no interest for him.

    He chases everything. Squirrels, rats, mice, birds, cable and phone repairmen, etc. He's tough and can be mean. One neighbor has a couple of large mix-bred dogs that are part German Shepard. One of them made the mistake of getting into our yard and started barking at Pogo. Pogo took him by the throat and taught him how to be a guard dog.

    He is very cute and loving to anyone who will toss him a snack or scratch him behind his ears or on his belly.

    He is just very territorial once he gets settled in.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  36. deathmetal

    deathmetal

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    If I recall correctly (IIRC), Dachshunds were bred to hunt weasels, ferrets, rabbits and other wily small game.

    I would not mess with one of those. Besides, I've known quite a few good ones.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  37. pappymac

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    Deathmetal - The also were bread to hunt badgers by digging into the holes and pulling the badger out. I also read that full size Dachshunds were used in Africa to hunt jackals.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  38. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    pappymac, I want that dog. I'll even pay for it. Hell, I'll rub wherever he likes if he does the job.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  39. zitotczito

    zitotczito

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    Good thing you don't live in PA or do you? From the PA web site:

    Legal Status

    Chipmunks are not protected by federal law, but are protected by the Pennsylvania Game Commission. Pennsylvania law allows landowners to take chipmunks when they are causing or about to cause damage to property.

    So if you live in PA and they are not damaging your property, they get to stay. Just think of them as new and inexpensive family members enjoying your hospitality.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  40. prndl

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    I dunno, Frank.

    You may get rid of the 'monks with that kind of a rub but, you"ll never get rid of the dog.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  41. woodsroad

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    Frank, you seem to have an exceptional understanding of the situation at hand. The chipmunks moved in because life is better in your house than it is in theirs. It's a metaphor for any immigration situation. The answer to getting them to leave, of course, is to offer up even greener grass on the other side of the fence.

    You need to build them a new house.

    One that's nicer than yours. A lot nicer.

    And you should probably arrange catering for them, too.

    I have full confidence that you'll be successful in getting the 'munks to move on.


    Artist's Conception of Proposed Chipmunk House

    Posted 2 years ago #
  42. indianafrank

    indianafrank

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    woodsroad, This does not happen to me too often...but I'm at a loss for words!

    Posted 2 years ago #
  43. cossackjack

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    Dave...oops I mean Frank. In the spirit of fraternity & since he suggested it, I think that Woods should build that house for you...er, your chipmunks, Alvin, Theodore, & Simon.
    Agree? All in favor, say Aye.

    "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.
    Specialization is for insects!" - Robert Heinlein
    Posted 2 years ago #
  44. deathmetal

    deathmetal

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    I wonder if you could attack the little blighters with a vacuum cleaner...

    Posted 2 years ago #
  45. brian64

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    The chipmunks moved in because life is better in your house than it is in theirs.

    On the surface of it, this makes perfect sense. But I would suggest the Munks' primary motivation is more likely the eventual complete assimilation of Frank to Chipmunk culture.

    Resistance is futile Frank.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  46. deathmetal

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    The munks just want a piece of the pie like anyone else.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  47. fishnbanjo

    fishnbanjo

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    Had that problem with squirrels a few years back and purchased some electronic pest control devices that puts out sound waves humans can't hear but rodent like pests do. It doesn't work immediately but after a few days I guess it kind of is like a song you got stuck in your head that you can't stop and they finally vacated. Kept it plugged in for two more weeks and have never had them return, best of luck.
    banjo

    Posted 2 years ago #

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