I tried to interest John in a couple of community service projects for the club, but he has shown no interest at all.
"Pipes For The Homeless" would attempt to match the downtrodden, shiftless and itinerate problem drinkers in our town with an appropriate briar and blend. A short questionaire would help determine their taste in wine, cuisine and literature, and club members would then set to work in making suggestions for possible pipe and tobacco combinations. A good pipe can lift a man's spirit, and I'm certain that after a few contemplative bowls, they would all be back in the saddle as Captains of Industry in our little burg.
"Green with Dottle" would encourage pipe smokers to save their dottle for recycling. Every year, untold numbers of pounds of dottle get sent to the landfill. This is sad, since most dottle (with the exception of Ennerdale) can be recycled into fine shoe insoles for returning veterans. Smoke a bowl, save the planet and shod a vet. What could be better?
"Grandpa and Me". There's a lot of kids out there without granparents. That's sad. Even though some of our club members are younger than John's daughter, put a pipe in their mouth, and they all look like codgers. This program would have club members don an old sweater or "Members Only" jacket, spark up a bowl of "Mixture 79" and hang out in the lunchrooms and playgrounds of local elementary schools. We could regale kids with memories of rotary dials, cassette tapes and Republican presidents. We could pass out candy cigarettes and bubblegum cigars, and let the good kids have couple of puffs from Grandpa's Pipe. This kind of thing could make all the difference between a happy, obediant child and a whoremongering, crackhead ghetto surfer.
I just think that we need to do what we can to give back a little.