Someone I work with was complaining loudly about smoking. "But it kills people!" she screeched.
I dredged up a technique from the dark days of 1980s high school debate. "Remember Thomas Malthus? He said that population increasingly infinitely, while our capacities for producing food and shelter and stuff are finite. So eventually, everything we do that succeeds ends up defeating us, because we drown in our own population like a yeast bloom or red tide."
She wailed about something else involving how we should all be afraid of death, and I agree with her. I never want to die. But, reality is what it is, and we can only hope that the Good Lord has pity for those of us who probably deserve none. So I had sympathy for her, but I pressed on.
"The fact is that we need more people to die. The more people that survive, the more doomed we are. So smoking is good. Drinking is good. Riding motorcycles really fast is good. Maybe we should think harder about legalizing the dangerous drugs. Oh, and dueling. Knife-throwing. Russian roulette. Anything to stem the tide before it drowns us."
She really didn't like that, but I lit up a bowl of Prince Albert anyway. She'll deal. I left her with the classic quotation that has been on my mind recently:
I dredged up a technique from the dark days of 1980s high school debate. "Remember Thomas Malthus? He said that population increasingly infinitely, while our capacities for producing food and shelter and stuff are finite. So eventually, everything we do that succeeds ends up defeating us, because we drown in our own population like a yeast bloom or red tide."
She wailed about something else involving how we should all be afraid of death, and I agree with her. I never want to die. But, reality is what it is, and we can only hope that the Good Lord has pity for those of us who probably deserve none. So I had sympathy for her, but I pressed on.
"The fact is that we need more people to die. The more people that survive, the more doomed we are. So smoking is good. Drinking is good. Riding motorcycles really fast is good. Maybe we should think harder about legalizing the dangerous drugs. Oh, and dueling. Knife-throwing. Russian roulette. Anything to stem the tide before it drowns us."
She really didn't like that, but I lit up a bowl of Prince Albert anyway. She'll deal. I left her with the classic quotation that has been on my mind recently:
Never found the original source, but it makes sense to me. People worry too much about dying. Just smoke what you like and know you're saving the Earth.War is good, AIDS is good, mass murder is good, gang violence is good, crack cocaine is good. Anything that contributed to depopulating the Earth is good.