How to Tell My Dad that I Smoke/ I Want to Smoke With Him

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nontoxic

Lurker
Jul 23, 2013
3
0
Okay, so I just started smoking very recently and I have always been interested in it mostly because of my dad.
My dad only smokes every once in a while, like whenever we go camping, or if one of his buddies come into town, or if he just needs to think. And when he does it, he just has this glow about him, like he always looks at peace when he does it and looks wise. And I always liked watching him smoke when he is with a small group of friends and they are all sitting there have really deep conversations and just enjoying one another's company.

However he does not want me or my brother to smoke period. But it really has never been a discussion because for most my life I was never interested in smoking. One day I saw my dad enjoying a pipe on the porch, and that was the moment I wanted to start. I really just want to smoke with my dad.

Well I started with a friend because he knew I was interested and I didn't know if I would ever work the nerve up to tell my dad.
I have smoked twice already (yes, I know not that much, but when I start to do something do I ever rarely stop)and I would love for my third time to be with my dad, but I don't really know how to tell him. I mean regardless of I really think he will only be mad for maybe a week or two at max. But I just do not know how to bring it up to him.

If he says no and doesn't want me to smoke while I live in his house then I will totally respect that, but since I will be enlisting into the military and will be out of his house then, I will have smoke with me regardless. But I would still like to smoke with him before that.
I mean I am just remembering what my dad always tells me about his dad because of his dad passing away (my grandpa, I was too young to know him). He always says that you really don't know how much time you have left, because his last normal conversation with his dad was right before he went to boot camp and his dad had a stroke. He never realized that everything would change like that, and so always tells me (and my brother) to cherish this time because we don't know when it will end. And he always tell me to beware of the consequences of joining the military because some things might not be the same, because for him several family members died while he was in boot camp itself.

So in that sense it really scares me and that is why I would like to have this special moment with my dad while I know that we still have this time together. And that even if he is still healthy after my boot camp (which I know he will be) that it just will not be the same. I want to have a smoke with my dad who is still in charge of me. Once in the military it won't be him giving the orders any more which means that our relationship will change. So I really want to have a smoke with him before that happens.
Not trying to ramble, but I just truly want to have this moment with my dad. And so my question is, how can I bring this topic up to him and to convince him. I mean if I walk up and say that I smoke, he isn't going to be very happy.
So any suggestions of how to start this conversation with him. Or maybe any stories of how you told your dad (parents). Guess I am really just looking for some motivation to tell him.
Also, I am 19

 

tarak

Lifer
Jun 23, 2013
1,528
15
South Dakota
Hey man, I think that its very cool you want to spend time with your dad like that. Also, welcome to the hobby. What have you smoked, and what pipe do you have?
I always think just straight forward, honest coversation is a good thing- but I have the kind of dad where that would be awkward, just becuase he's not a big talker. What about writing him a well written letter or email expressing some of what you just said? That lets him see the thougt you've put into it, but lets him read it on his own in a non-threatening way.
I think whatever you do - you tell him some of what you just wrote us- how you see him "glow", how you cherish time with him and how much it would mean to you to smoke a pipe with him. Man, it would take a pretty tough not to not be cracked by that.
With my dad, he's not impresed by the smoking- but I think the big thing that matters to him is that he has seen how I do it responsibly. I smoke in moderation- he can see for me its part of a relaxing thing- I'm respectful of people around me, etc.
Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

 

blendtobac

Lifer
Oct 16, 2009
1,237
213
As a father of four, I can tell you that I would appreciate honesty. Just let him know that you want to share something you both enjoy because the opportunities don't always present themselves, so grab them while you can.
Russ

 

philobeddoe

Lifer
Oct 31, 2011
7,439
11,740
East Indiana
Honesty is the best policy.....After you have enlisted, but before you leave for Boot Camp. I know my father saw me differently after I signed up, more adult. You are correct though, once you come home on leave, everything is different. Just my 2 cents!

 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,210
60,459
The father-son relationship is as complicated as the mother-daughter relationship. I agree with the principle that

honesty is the best policy. But I also know that most family conversations have to be somewhat indirect. Dads

often feel their authority, or more importantly, their value within the family is being rocked a little by any changes

in habit or routine. So go gently. Honesty, but kid gloves to a point. "Would you mind if we smoked pipes

together some time when I'm home on leave." Gosh, there's no scripting someone else's conversation with their

dad. Anyway, good luck. I think with all the affection that is there, it will turn out well. Your dad must be a pretty

special guy to have raised such a empathic son.

 

bryanf

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 16, 2013
742
8
You sound like a really great son and I'd be proud to smoke a bowl with you. One of my greatest pleasures is to smoke a pipe with my father. You might wait a while and then write your dad a letter if that's easier. It sounds like you have a lot of respect for him. My son is 14 and I've told him that when he's 20 we can smoke a pipe together. Right now he has no desire.

 

flyguy

Lifer
Nov 20, 2012
1,018
4
I passed on the pipe tradition to my son. One of my favorite things in this world is to sit side-by-side in the ol' man cave and enjoy a bowl with my son and chat.

 

nontoxic

Lurker
Jul 23, 2013
3
0
Thank you everybody for the support.

To Tarak: Unfortunately, I haven't smoked real pipe tobacco, when I was with my best friends for the fourth of July they had some cheap cigars, and I told them I only want to smoke a Pipe so the unrolled it and put it into my pipe and lit it up for me. And that is just another thing I am saving for my dad is to have a smoke with real pipe tobacco. And I have two pipes, a very old Japanese Kiseru Pipe (my favorite) and a Churchwarden Pipe. And yes, I will come back on to let you know how it went.

Sean - I don't really know, as I haven't ever really talked to him about smoking.

All the fathers - Thank you, that is probably how I am going to ask him. Just going to come out with it and not beat around the bush. Really gave me the courage I need.
Thanks everybody

 

nontoxic

Lurker
Jul 23, 2013
3
0
I apologies, I forgot to come back on here to tell everyone how it went. I got the courage to tell my dad, and everything went great, I was scared for nothing. My favorite smoke was with my dad out sitting out on the porch late at night talking.

I now have three pipes of my own and have tried a small variety of tobacco, I have also had a few cigars too. It has now been a little over a year since I started and I really enjoy it.
Thank you everyone on here who helped me! Really helped me out!

 

jsponge

Lurker
Sep 7, 2014
16
0
To the OP of this thread:
I have had a similar experience with my father, though he doesn't smoke. When I first started, I was terrified to tell him I was smoking cigarettes. In the end, he 'caught' me one day when I was about 17, I guess. It was a short conversation. He asked how long I'd been smoking, I told him, and that was it. Now, with the cigs he was a tad disappointed, but... it taught me ONE very important thing. A father loves his son, regardless of decisions made or mistakes endured. Now, on to the pipe-smoking. I gave up cigs, and took up a pipe a little bit ago. Again, I wasn't sure what my father would think since he's LITERALLY never had a smoke or a drink of alcohol in his life. But, guess what. My father was ok with the pipe... probably more-so than the cigs, since he sees it as a bit more 'sophisticated'.
So, my advice. Just have an open conversation with your father, and be honest with each other. I'll bet dollars to pesos he'll be fine with it. And, then you could enjoy that smoke with your old man. =)

 

condorlover1

Lifer
Dec 22, 2013
8,066
27,365
New York
I have commented elsewhere on this forum that everyone in the family on the male side smoked a pipe. I know I started smoking very young and my Father used to despair of me and my 'cutty' clay pipes along with the broken clay pipe stems that were tossed onto the flower beds which turned his garden into an archeological site. I am happy everything worked out for you with your Father.

 
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