Happy Holidays From The Standard Tobacco Company!

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condorlover1

Lifer
Dec 22, 2013
8,066
27,369
New York
On behalf of the Board of Directors of The Standard Tobacco Company of Pennsylvania Ltd sends best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most joyous traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, but with respect for the religious persuasion of others who choose to practice their own religion as well as those who choose not to practice a religion at all;
Additionally,

a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions have helped make our society great, without regard to the race, creed, color, religious, or sexual preferences of the wishes.
(Disclaimer: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.) :rofl:

 

okiebrad

Starting to Get Obsessed
Feb 13, 2016
292
2
That is one of the most politically correct holiday wishes I have ever seen.
Happy Christmas and Merry New Year to you. :D

 

winton

Lifer
Oct 20, 2010
2,318
771
Merry Christmas everyone! I wish you a warm holiday with joy and family. May your holiday be full of fun and generosity and no regrets. May you also get a chance to light up your new or favorite pipe.
Many of us have made the transition from laughing with the crazy uncle to being the crazy uncle. Teach the kids wisely.

 

jackswilling

Lifer
Feb 15, 2015
1,777
24
Merry Christmas
jesus-back-at-you.jpg


 

woodsroad

Lifer
Oct 10, 2013
11,800
16,183
SE PA USA
I try to keep Simon away from the general public, but his lawyer says that he's mostly harmless and should be allowed out for holidays.

 

jerwynn

Lifer
Dec 7, 2011
1,033
13
Ah shucks... Jackswilling's "Backatchya!" was just what I was looking for! Ok, that for which I was looking. Anyways Merry Xmas STCofPEE-AY!! From another proud Pennsylvanian in the Great Byzantine Empire, um, I mean Commonwealth of PEE-AY!!! Ho ho ho!!!!

 

newbroom

Lifer
Jul 11, 2014
6,133
6,846
Florida
I would like to buy every one of the forum members each a tin of McLelland's Christmas Cheer,

but, unfortunately, this is but a pipe dream.

 

jpmcwjr

Moderator
Staff member
May 12, 2015
24,748
27,349
Carmel Valley, CA
Similar, I have this in my macros:
"Before everyone goes on leave I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on his advice I wish to say the following:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the Winter solstice holiday practiced with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that the USA is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preferences of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are agreeing to these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes stated, and is void where prohibited by law. It is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Best Regards (without prejudice)
Name withheld (Privacy Act)"

 
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