We all know that a lot of spouses and significant others "tolerate" our hobby. Often complaints arise from significant others are about foul smells emitting from smoking pipes as we enjoy our favorite blends or a pipe that is just resting. Well and good and to each his own - But, what happens when the tolerance or ignorance takes a wrong turn. I am sure many of us have experienced a good pipe or good pipe tobacco gone bad.
I consider myself lucky as I don't have many of those stories. But here are 2 incidents that I would humorously categorize under Ebay Rip off's or "The Wife's Revenge!" Please note: I am not saying a wife or even a woman wrecked havok on these poor victims - however, clues indicate this may be a possiblilty just by the damage done to the injured parties.
Prologue: I buy a lot of pipes off ebay and for the most part have had very pleasant experiences augmenting my pipe collection and having fun bidding.
Bearing that in mind - I have bought two pipes that have been obviously tampered with either out of ignorance or somebody who may have crossed the tolerance line into Pipe Rage.
1. Pipe Numero Uno: Beautiful GBD billiard with a meerschaum lining. The pipe shown looked nice online but a little dirty inside. When I got it looked like someone had dunked it in cow dung and smelled horribly of cow poop. The pipe/victim was futher injured when in and effort to save it this Daniel Boone took out a bowie knife and proceed to carve some really extreme gouges in the bowl in a half-assed effort to clean it and gave up halfway. With tears streaming down my face I tried to resucitate the patient by vigorously cleaning it but - finally had to admit defeat and turned it over to my local pipe doctor for CPR. Verdict: Garbage Can. Patient dead on arrival. Now I wonder if someone put cow manure in someone's pipe just to "teach him a lesson?" Who knows?
2. Pipe Numero Two-o: Beautiful Mastercraft Oom Paul. Looked nice on line and when I got it - was only midly disappointed that the Seller (a woman) had not disclosed that the stem had been broken. And- in an effort to disguise the crime had put a nice brand new rubber pipe bit on the end - which is no biggie to me. Also the pipe smelled funny. Well still - No problem - off to the local pipe doctor it went. The pipe returned restemmed and still smelled ... well...kind of funny. I filled it and lit it up with one of my favorite blends and GGGGAAAAAK! Someone had put a cheap woman's cologne in it - something that I would call Lilly of the Valley. Yuk. Talk about gnarly smokes. I wonder if someone just didn't like the way this pipe smelled and decided it needed a nice dose of perfume - just so it wouldn't smell so Yucky! Hmmmmm? Verdict: This Pipe is in rehab and all efforts are being made to save the patient.
Epilogue: Let us doff our hats as taps is softly played over our lost and injured comrades. Okay - Anyone else got a story about a pipe or tobacco that had turned bad? I am sure there are folks out there that ordered pipes or tobaccos that just were a disappointment or worse (soto voce) were tampered with! Please post.
