Good Pipe/Tobacco gone bad!

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clanobucklin

Part of the Furniture Now
Jan 19, 2010
947
0
We all know that a lot of spouses and significant others "tolerate" our hobby. Often complaints arise from significant others are about foul smells emitting from smoking pipes as we enjoy our favorite blends or a pipe that is just resting. Well and good and to each his own - But, what happens when the tolerance or ignorance takes a wrong turn. I am sure many of us have experienced a good pipe or good pipe tobacco gone bad.
I consider myself lucky as I don't have many of those stories. But here are 2 incidents that I would humorously categorize under Ebay Rip off's or "The Wife's Revenge!" Please note: I am not saying a wife or even a woman wrecked havok on these poor victims - however, clues indicate this may be a possiblilty just by the damage done to the injured parties.
Prologue: I buy a lot of pipes off ebay and for the most part have had very pleasant experiences augmenting my pipe collection and having fun bidding.
Bearing that in mind - I have bought two pipes that have been obviously tampered with either out of ignorance or somebody who may have crossed the tolerance line into Pipe Rage.
1. Pipe Numero Uno: Beautiful GBD billiard with a meerschaum lining. The pipe shown looked nice online but a little dirty inside. When I got it looked like someone had dunked it in cow dung and smelled horribly of cow poop. The pipe/victim was futher injured when in and effort to save it this Daniel Boone took out a bowie knife and proceed to carve some really extreme gouges in the bowl in a half-assed effort to clean it and gave up halfway. With tears streaming down my face I tried to resucitate the patient by vigorously cleaning it but - finally had to admit defeat and turned it over to my local pipe doctor for CPR. Verdict: Garbage Can. Patient dead on arrival. Now I wonder if someone put cow manure in someone's pipe just to "teach him a lesson?" Who knows?
2. Pipe Numero Two-o: Beautiful Mastercraft Oom Paul. Looked nice on line and when I got it - was only midly disappointed that the Seller (a woman) had not disclosed that the stem had been broken. And- in an effort to disguise the crime had put a nice brand new rubber pipe bit on the end - which is no biggie to me. Also the pipe smelled funny. Well still - No problem - off to the local pipe doctor it went. The pipe returned restemmed and still smelled ... well...kind of funny. I filled it and lit it up with one of my favorite blends and GGGGAAAAAK! Someone had put a cheap woman's cologne in it - something that I would call Lilly of the Valley. Yuk. Talk about gnarly smokes. I wonder if someone just didn't like the way this pipe smelled and decided it needed a nice dose of perfume - just so it wouldn't smell so Yucky! Hmmmmm? Verdict: This Pipe is in rehab and all efforts are being made to save the patient.
Epilogue: Let us doff our hats as taps is softly played over our lost and injured comrades. Okay - Anyone else got a story about a pipe or tobacco that had turned bad? I am sure there are folks out there that ordered pipes or tobaccos that just were a disappointment or worse (soto voce) were tampered with! Please post.

 

bubbadreier

Lifer
Jul 30, 2010
3,011
4
Norman, Oklahoma
I bought a nice big sandblasted billiard that I wanted for my long outdoor smokes. I was excited to clean this baby up because I knew it was going to look great and most likely smoke great. It finally arrived! I brought it inside and ripped the packaging off like a kid on christmas morning only to find the pipe had a hole drilled into the side of it! :O
The lady was nice enough and took it back, she claimed to have thought it was supposed to be that way, but every single one of the 12 pictures she took happened to exclude that portion of the pipe...

 

igloo

Lifer
Jan 17, 2010
4,083
5
woodlands tx
I once purchased three pipes from a strange old man with a dead bird on his website . I knew the pipes were old and beat up and that was okay by me . Everybody needs a few beaters . Do I hear a Amen . Well as time went marching on , one day the good ol US Mail finally came . I ripped into the well taped box to be greeted by three of the nastiest pipes known to modern civilization . But thats not what grossed me out , it was the feather and picture of the long lost dead bird . YUUUUCCCCKKKKK

 

chuckw

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 7, 2009
679
13
I got one off E-bay that the seller said he smelled cherry in. He wasn't kidding. Reaming to the wood and four S/A treatments didn't help. I put it back on E-bay with the notation, "For lovers of cherry tobacco only." Lost $5.00 on the thing.

 

cortezattic

Lifer
Nov 19, 2009
15,147
7,641
Chicago, IL
Chuck, just a reminder that Walker Briarworks Ozone treatment is an option

-- just in case that happens again with a pipe you really don't want to part with.

Also, I heard that putting the pipe in a freezer (in a baggy, etc.) will deodorize it.

As to time and type of odor, etc., I dunno, I never tried it.
But then again, if memory serves (and at my age that's not always true), wasn't it you who had a whole room ozonizer?

LOL, I guess you should know all about that.

 

strongirish

Can't Leave
Aug 20, 2010
343
1
Lake Conroe, TX
LOL, I got a kick out of the stories! My only real near experience is when I first got married many years ago and in our first home together, I proudly displayed my pipes in my home office. One day I came home from work, and wanted to get a fresh pipe, so I went to my office and there was nothing but empty racks! So I run downstairs and asked my new wife, where were my pipes? She said that they stunk and she new I was busy so she thought she would clean them for me. I shuddered and said so where were they? She said in the dishwasher!!!! Oh crap, I run over to the dishwasher and thankfully she had the timer set for it to start but it had not started yet. So I was able to remove them and put them back. But I have been careful to make sure my pipes are super clean as my wife will still look at me and the dishwasher if she smells them!

 

admin

Smoking a Pipe Right Now
Staff member
Nov 16, 2008
8,859
5,544
St. Petersburg, FL
pipesmagazine.com
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kcvet67

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 6, 2010
968
0
English Common Law stated that a man was entitled to beat his wife as long as he used a stick that was no larger in diameter than his thumb.

 
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