Yeah, apparently I've pretty much sucked at life. I liked the name of his wife:
Countess Friederike Maria Karoline Henriette Rosa Sabina Franziska Fugger von Babenhausen. Wonder if he called her Babe?
Let's see, wounded in the stomach and groin in the Boer War, attacked a fort in Somaliland in WWI getting shot twice in the face losing an eye and part of an ear, lost his hand on the Western Front, shot through the skull and ankle at the Somme, through the hip at Passchendaele, through the leg at Cambrai, and through the ear at Arras. This is the war he said he 'enjoyed'.
Attacked by the Red Army while on a train at the gates of Moscow in 1920, fought them off with his revolver, fell off the train, hopped back on and retired from the Army later.
Recalled in 1939 after his town in Poland got overrun by the Germans, where he lost all his stuff, chased by the Germans and Russians to the Romanian border, got attacked by the Luftwaffe killing one of his aide's wives, but snuck out of Romania on a false passport the same day the Prime Minister was assassinated.
Sent to negotiate with the Yugoslavs, but crashed in the ocean when his Wellington's engines failed, regained consciousness in the water and swam to shore only to get captured by the Italians. Tried escaping five times, including spending seven months digging a tunnel, evaded capture for eight days in Northeren Italy disguised as a peasant, which wasn't bad since he didn't speak Italian, was 61 years old, had an eye patch, a missing arm and all manner of identifying scars.
Got released and sent to China and Burma, where he didn't get shot once, retired at age 66 and, on the way home, slipped on the damn stairs, breaking several vertebrae and knocking himself out. In surgery the doctors were able to remove a ton of shrapnel from previous wounds.
His wife died in 1949, but in 1951 at 71 years old, he married a girl 23 years his junior and retired in Ireland to fish for salmon and hunt snipe.
And presumably, to smoke his pipes!
Wow. I suck.