Of False Artisan pipes there be three kinds, and three is the number of kinds of which there be False Artisan pipes.
The first of the three kinds be pipes made by an Artisan who is untrue to his friends. He plays them False and is contemned by all who know him. The iniquity of this man will in the fullness of time be uncovered and he shall die alone, reviled by all. This, know ye, is the first kind of False Artisan.
The second of the three kinds be pipes made by an Artisan whose pipes are not truly pipes. In form but not function these pipes are true. By his drilling ye shall know him for his workmanship is an abomination to man and God alike. And this, know ye, is the second kind of False Artisan.
The last of the three kinds be pipes made by an Artisan whose pipes are meant to deceive his patron. Marked, they be, with counterfeit stampings; they are deliberately misleading and designed to gull the unwary. Woe betide the honest man ensnared by this Artisan, for he hath been screwed and will not see just recompense in this world. And this, know ye, is the third kind of False Artisan.
Envoi:
Having been warned of the unrighteousness of the False Artisan and the artifices employed by him in practicing his chicanery, thou art entirely to blame if cozened by his person or his wares. Neither eBay nor PayPay shall shelter thee or refill thy purse. Thou shall bear the mark of the mark and be known as a sucker forever more throughout the land. Benedicamus Domino.