The Last US Rope Man - A Caricature!

[flakyjakey]

Well, here we are again; just me, the dog, a stoked BBF-loaded James Upshall G-grade pot and little happening on the forum.
It's my quiet time, the time when the mind wanders. The "My Personal Thoughts" post seems to have been consigned to the bin, and since I retired to bed at 10.30 pm UK time I missed the 'end game' (dark deeds and harsh words in the night, no doubt?). My 'journal page' destroyed! lol No matter, my "personal thoughts" will now remain as memories.
I have however responded to last night's posts on my "Money For Old Rope" thread. From roth's comments it seems that they are now virtually unsmoked in modern North America. I can understand this - they can be very nic-heavy - but the main reason may be the time and care necessary for their preparation in order to get a good smoke out of them.
So, in my BBF-induced reverie I began to put together a mental image - an amusing (to me at least) caricature - of the 'last' rope-smoking American (a bit like the 'Last Mohican' of my childhood TV days LOL). I am sure you could all conjure up an equally amusing caricature of a kilt-wearing Scottish piper, so this is not personally directed!
NOTE: This is for amusement only, and anyone of a nervous or sensitive disposition is advised TO READ NO FURTHER. I would be happy for posts to be added, but please be constructive/amusing - I don't want to lose my thread again !! LOL
The Last US Rope Man
- It would be a man (but not necessarily). If a man, he would:
- be of indeterminate parentage
- live in a shack in remote East Kentucky, a Confederate flag flying in the yard.
- twist his own ropes from Kentucky Va, cured in his own flue. To seek extra nic he would chew the rope as well as smoke it.
- smoke only corn cobs, hand-made by his (putative) grandpappy. These pipes would have army mounts with stems strengthened by cartridges from bullets with which had clean-killed stags at 800 yards with his (possible) pappy's long rifle (no telescopic sights). He would have a stack of such as ready replacements.
- drink only his home-made moonshine with his baccy (10% water added, of course!)
- in his shack, be able to accurately spit 10 yards into an old pot, without looking in that direction
- drive an old Ford pick-up with a rifle rack, loaded with guns. In the truck bed would be a pair of devoted coon dogs. He would have a Colt Magnum in his waist-band, safety off!
- have women visit often (hopefully his cousins) but not to stay for long!
- NOT have a TV or Internet, but might listen to 'Bluegrass' on an old Bakelite radio. Therefore he would not have heard of PM forum, would be completely unaware of his own historical importance or the huge monetary value of his hand-made rope tobacco, which might be called "Ropy Old Bastard" LOL
Have I missed anything? LOL
Does anyone know anyone remotely like this (they might also be Canadian)? LOL

 

[tarak]

I think the BBF has gone to your head

 

[papipeguy]

Well, flaky, I'd say you got it mostly correct with the exceptio that no "real" man would add any amount of water to his moonshine. It's illegal, of course, but stills are still a part of extreme suburban life here.

Some years ago I went to a cook out at a customer's plant in Georgia and at least 15 jugs of homemade happiness appeared around the fire. Quite an evening to say the least.

 

[dervis]

Oh how nice. Do one now about the very light aero smoker. Oh or one about who would smoke a straight menthol blend. I think the man you described is exactly what the anti tobacco people picture as most pipe smokers. My favorite part is where his female company are his cousins!

 

[05venturer]

You have a wonderful imagination my friend!! :clap:

 

[flakyjakey]

@tarak, I think you are right - I also get 'BBF Flashbacks' LOL
@Papipeguy, I lived in Colorado for 3 years, looked for it but never saw it. My son has just returned from East Kentucky where he actually drank it (no water) - I'm jealous, which is why I chose it as my 'imaginary friend's' home LOL
@dervis, I would be happy to, but would need some help. I know about flakes, plugs and ropes but have no experience of what you refer to. Maybe we could do it as a 'collaborative piece'. The last thing I intended was to play into the hands of the anti-piping lobby!! I hate them as much as anyone on site - it was simply a jokey piece about an imaginary US 'roper', just a bit of fun lol. I'm glad you recognised the bit about 'cousins' - in my imagination they could have been more closely related!! LOL
@05venturer, blame BBF - nice to know I still have friends!! LOL

 

[zekest]

Rope?
You be talking about Tobacco Poop?
It looks gross.
Stop being a sheep and just following the herd.
Get yourself some aromatics, and open your eyes to the possibilities of a wonderful smoke.

 

[flakyjakey]

@zekest, I agree it looks just like pooch poop!! Give me your best aromatic (UK available) shot and I'll try it! I'll try anything in the pipe tobacco line and give you an honest opinion lol

 

[dermotfahy]

+1 to papapipeguy, a splash of branch water in Bourbon, but nary a drop in panther's breath.

I lived in Colorado for 3 years, looked for it but never saw it.

You were in the wrong mountain range, you're looking for the Appalachian, Smokey or Blue Ridge Mtns, not the Rockies. (The Rockies are far too citified.)

 

[dervis]

I need a more sarcastic font apparently.

 

[trailspike48]

A forum member, Mike Phillips, who works rediculous hours through the summer has posted about making his own rope. I have been anticipating his return to the forum during the colder months when he is semi retired, and will have time to post on his rope making experiment. His post was title "First Rope", if this works here is a link. It was posted 5 months ago. http://pipesmagazine.com/forums/topic/first-rope
Since the original "Money For Old Rope" post I have looked on line for some of the mentioned black ropes. I only found one, and it was out of stock. I'm still searching and will eventually try a black rope, but I have no desire for a brown rope, or dog turd due to the nic content.

 

[flakyjakey]

@trailspike, that is very interesting indeed. I have read the link and wish him the very best of luck. He should be aiming for something like misterlowercase's pics for a thick brown rope. G&H and SG are very secretive even about what they use to fire their flues!!
You should be able to source SG Black XX in he US. Suggest using the technique I describe in my "money for old rope" post and use a SMALL bowl to start with. As a half-way-house you could try the wonderful Revor Plug which is very easy to prepare and has a similar, but milder taste.
Please feel free to send me a PM for any further info

 

[misterlowercase]

LOL

:lol:
Good post here!
My paw-paw spent time in the Federal Pen for makin' moonshine!
My maw-maw, aunt Omie and aunt Emmie took Scotch snuff, they all used Maxwell House coffee jars for their spittin' - it's something I'll never forget.
There's still a good bit of chaw available, maybe I'll experiment acause it's pritty cheap, can be had at the corner store in my neck of the woods, but it's usually a little too much all sweetened up...stuff like Day's Work or Cotton Ball...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIM1LyynbqY

:

:

Here's a couple of pix from 1914 at the Ryan Hampton Tobacco Company in Louisville, Kentucky -- they produced tobacco twists under several brand names, including "Allen County Twist," "Railroad Twist," and "Shepherd Twist."

I've heard of people smoking Mammoth Cave Twist and reports that it'll knock yer dick intha dirt!

http://tobaccoproducts.org/index.php/Mammoth_Cave_Sm
You can find sumthin' like Cotton Ball for real cheap...

http://www.lilbrown.com/c-181-cotton-boll.aspx
Here's a great story about Henry Jones from Alabama makin' his own twists...

http://www.alafarmnews.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2632:marengo-cos-henry-jones-jaws-about-his-hobby&catid=162ctober-2011
...and on here has been known to smoke some Elephant Butts!!! :D

http://pipesmagazine.com/forums/topic/a-wierd-tobacco-story

:

:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nxHASnGkDA

 

[flakyjakey]

@misterlowercase, your post just made my day!!
- I chose the right State; I'm double jealous of my son's recent three month stay there

- The 'Kentucky King Twist' looks like it was dropped by a pack of Bull Mastiffs!! LOL

- I loved the banjo pickin on the first vid

- The mule song was so funny I "laffed till I shat" as they say in Liverpool! LOL
Thankee pardner!

 

[misterlowercase]

Yep, I love me some good bluegrass.
My other paw-paw was a mechanic at the Scottdale Cotton Mill in Atlanta, just about that whole side of the family worked there, the afore mentioned aunt Omie started working there at age 12, she used to tell me all kinda stories as she came to live with us toward the end of her life, she said that people called 'em "lintheads" cause from workin' 10 hours at the mill they'd have cotton lint all over 'em and stuck all in their hair...
...Kentucky is a great state, famous Danish pipemaker Tonni Neilsen moved there after fallin' in love with a Kentucky girl...
...and, Kentucky elected Rand Paul, one of the more intelligent politicians we have over here...

 

[misterlowercase]

Good one Roth!
Rime of the Ancient Kentuckian Pipeman
`Dear Lord! it hath a fiendish look -

(The Pilot made reply)

Push on, push on!'

Said the Hermit cheerily.
Brown skeletons of leaves that lag

My root briar along;

When the sky is heavy with smoke,

And the rings float the world broke,

That eats the she-wolf's young.'
With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,

We could nor laugh nor wail;

Through utter drought all dumb we stood!

I bit my arm, I sucked the blood,

And cried, A pipe! a pipe!
The thick black cloud was cleft, and still

The moon was at its side:

Like waters shot from some high crag,

The lightning fell with never a jag,

A twist'd rope thick and wide.
Fly, brother, fly! more high, more high!

Or we shall be belated:

For slow and slow that bowl will go,

When the Pipeman's trance is abated.

 

[flakyjakey]

Ha ha - you mean the length of his digressions (walls of text), or his presumed bipolarity? lol Both could apply!! LOL

 

[fishingandpipes]

You can absolutely still find some Oliver Twist around in the US. You mean US-made twists vs. UK twists, right?
Someone from Arkansas or Arizona or one of those other A states sent me some factory wrapped in cellophane a few years back.
Day's Work plug is still out there too. Those are the only two I still know out and kicking though.