My most sentimental pipe was given to me by my dad's friend, Capt. Koons. I remember the day he gave me that pipe like it was yesterday. He said"
"Hello, little man. Boy I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good
friend of your Daddy's. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell over five
years together. Hopefully, you'll never have to experience this
yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Daddy
were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of
the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Coolidge would be
talkin' right now to my son Jim. But the way it worked out is I'm talkin' to you, Butch. I got somethin' for ya.
This pipe I got here was first purchased by your great-granddaddy.
It was bought during the First World War in a little general store in
Knoxville, Tennessee. It was bought by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge
the day he set sail for Paris. It was your great-granddaddy's war pipe,
made by the first company to ever make pipes. You see, up until
then, people just had home pipes. Your great-granddaddy smoked
that pipe every day he was in the war. Then when he had done his duty,
he went home to your great-grandmother, took the pipe out of his
pocket and put it in an ol' coffee can. And in that can it stayed 'til
your grandfather Dane Coolidge was called upon by his country to go
overseas and fight the Germans once again. This time they called it World
War Two. Your great-granddaddy gave it to your granddad for good luck.
Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as good as his old man's. Your granddad
was a Marine and he was killed with all the other Marines at the battle
of Wake Island. Your granddad was facing death and he knew it. None of
those boys had any illusions about ever leavin' that island alive. So
three days before the Japanese took the island, your 22-year old
grandfather asked a gunner on an Air Force transport named Winocki, a man
he had never met before in his life, to deliver to his infant son, who he
had never seen in the flesh, his old pipe. Three days later, your
grandfather was dead. But Winocki kept his word. After the war was
over, he paid a visit to your grandmother, delivering to your infant
father, his Dad's old pipe. This pipe. This pipe was inyour Daddy's
pocket e was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a
Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the pipe it'd
be confiscated. The way your Daddy looked at it, that pipe was your
birthright. And he'd be damned if and slopeheads were gonna put their
greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one
place he knew he could hide somethin'. His ass. Five long years, he had
this pipe up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the
pipe. I hid with uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years.
Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little
man, I give the pipe to you."
I still have that pipe but it smokes like shit.