A friend posted this on his social media account.
Joke Thread
- Thread starter bent1
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I think this is just a tale. However: Alexander the Great, at the height of his military successes, went to pay homage to the blind sage Tiresias, finding him sitting in the sun in the doorway of his little monastic hut.
In a gust of bravado, Alexander said, "I will give you anything you request. Just ask."
And the blind sage sat for a moment, and then asked him to get out of his warm sunlight.
And on the same track, Alexander's father was Philip of Macedonia, who was also a voracious conquerer of foreign lands and wide swaths of territory. Asked by one of his generals what it was he wanted, his response was: "More."
In a gust of bravado, Alexander said, "I will give you anything you request. Just ask."
And the blind sage sat for a moment, and then asked him to get out of his warm sunlight.
And on the same track, Alexander's father was Philip of Macedonia, who was also a voracious conquerer of foreign lands and wide swaths of territory. Asked by one of his generals what it was he wanted, his response was: "More."
Don't laugh, but I don't like joke threads, I'm a very serious person. Otherwise, I wouldn't be a pipe smok. I have never seen a pipe smoker smile, in my city. I'll even go out on a limb and say, I've never seen a goddamn pipe smoker in my fucking town. I am also sad that my friend Jeff has become a creature of the night.
Just a "punch line"; "And she hit me in the throat with a five iron."
Not mine (found on r/jokes), but gave me a laugh:
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right every single time.”
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.
He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right every single time.”
Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!"
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good.
He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.
He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
This hot girl called me up and said Hey. No one's home. Come on over. So I went over and guess what...she was right, no one was home. -- Rodney Dangerfield.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? ..... How do you breathe out of that thing?
Who is the most popular man at the nudist beach?
The one who can carry a dozen donuts and two cases of beer.
Who is the most popular girl at the beach?
The one who can eat the last donut.
The one who can carry a dozen donuts and two cases of beer.
Who is the most popular girl at the beach?
The one who can eat the last donut.
