Irrefutable Rules of Pipe Smoking

[warren]

I can readily only think of a couple, the first two.
1. A suitable tool or pipe - I believe we can all agree on this. What is suitable is open for argument of course.
2. An acceptable blend - one which the smoker enjoys is absolutely necessary for an enjoyable smoke.
3. Draw? Nope, Personal preference!
4. Pipe material? Nope, personal preference!
5. Smoking rate? Uh uh! Certainly no perfect rate for all smokers.
6. Pipe resting? No rule hard and fast rule here. A resting period, if necessary depends mostly on the pipe material and use rate.
7. Tobacco must be dry/moist! Again personal preference as long as ignition can be achieved.
8. The pipe must pass a cleaner! We're talking new pipes obviously not used clogged ones. Hardly worth consideration as a rule.
9. Soft flame lighters only! An argument generator if there ever was one.
10. Pipes must be dedicated to tobacco types! Some do, some don't. No rule here.
I could go on I suppose. Can anyone offer up other "etched in stone" rules with regard to smoking a pipe. Not personal preferences nor what works for you, just a rule that should not be violated if an acceptable smoking experience is to be achieved.
The question is posed seriously but, I fully expect a bit of levity. I'd be disappointed if there isn't any.

 

[deathmetal]

For #2, a possible addendum, borrowed from someone else here:

Smoke what you like, like what you smoke.

 

[iamn8]

I'm not so good with rules. All you've done is provided me with a list of specific items with which to rebel. I'm very busy and rebelling takes a great deal of time and energy.... so.... Thanks for that

 

[frozenchurchwarden]

The stem goes in your mouth. Do not put burning tobacco in your mouth. Do not smoke the pipe with your nose, ears, eyes, etc...

 

[jpmcwjr]

Do not draw air through the stem by placing your mouth around the bowl and pulling smoke that way.
Edit: Didn't see previous post till after this went out.

 

[cpjeffrey11]

The tobacco actually has to be burning at some point during the smoke.

 

[deathmetal]

Buncha anarchists in here

 

[Perique]

Never smoke a pipe with a woman who has a dagger tattooed on her back.

 

[stickframer]

Generally, avoid smoking while you are asleep.

 

[phil67]

11. Never smoke a pipe while taking a shower.
That seems to be one rule I always forget and to this day it still gets me pissed off.

 

[smokinfireman]

Keep a paper towel in your pocket to clean the tenon or scoop of the stem or dab a speck of tobacco off your tongue. Never looks good spitting all over the place.

 

[jpmcwjr]

11. Never smoke a pipe while taking a shower.

But if you do, turning the pipe upside-down helps keep 'er going. At least this works for a rain storm that's falling vertically.

 

[frozenchurchwarden]

Never dump your bowl into a container with normal garbage. It will burn your house down.

 

[jpmcwjr]

Heh. In our house, garbage is wet; trash is dry. But I can see the problem! Even when I chuck a match into the garbage, I douse it in water. Plus there's a lid on it, too. Belt and suspenders I guess.

 

[mortonbriar]

I know there is not really supposed to be rules, but there are certainly suggestions that make for a more pleasant smoking experience, I have seen people puffing as hard as they can to maintain optimum water levels in their pipe, and I am completely convinced that they would have a more pleasing experience from sipping for example...
Isaac

 

[fnord]

"Buncha anarchists in here"
Bourbon snort...
Fnord

 

[thomasmartin]

The only irrefutable rule for me is: never smoke indoors. (Not that I actually had a room to smoke in).

 

[brass]

Be considerate when around non-smokers. Smoke downwind.

 

[thomasmartin]

In fact that's what I do. The main reason however why I only smoke outdoors is that I do not want the smoke and the stuff it contains in my lungs.

 

[sablebrush52]

Lose any semblance of intelligence by uncritically believing all manner of old wives tales and by lusting and obsessing after hard to find mediocre tobaccos.