(Author's note: What I sampled was a 16-year-old - near voting aged - tin of a bygone tobacco. Take this review with a grain of salt, as it's for the enjoyment of the writing and its reception, rather than the accuracy of its criticisms.)
I didn't expect to win the auction. But sometimes I bid on random shit and it comes to fruition, and the pillages become mine. This is one such instance. Here it sat - a sexy little tin of Danish Import Pipe Tobak, 100g, and a half-pound of some obscure MacBaren in a box. The bid was low, there was no reserve, and I figured what the hell. There were still two days left on the auction, so what were the odds?
The odds were in my favor. Or disflavor, depending on how you look at it. Here we are a few months later, and as the air heats up I've found myself jonesing for aromatics. I don't recall this being the norm, but it is what it is. When scouring through my to-smoke section of my cellar, I happened upon this Tinbids anomaly and flipped it over. The date read January 2008, roughly the time I took up pipe smoking as a freshman in my undergrad nightmare. "Light aromatic Danish mixture," the tin stated, "with a hint of marple & spices."
Marple. I was intrigued. I popped open this ancient tin and the seal's breaking put me in mind of a sci-fi airlock on a space shuttle. My expectations, in other words, were building at once, and regrettably so. Inside, the ribboned leaves were moist and the scent wafting off the 16-year packaged leaves was nothing if not marpley. I breathed deeply and I smiled. This, I thought, was going to be one hell of a smoke...
I packed a bowl, I flipped the flint on my Peterson lighter, and I gave it the flame. Giving it a few puffs, my first thought was a salient one. "You know," I told myself. "I could've lit literally anything else. What was I thinking?" And I was right.
In the last inch of a cigar, one notices a distinct heat differential that didn't exist in lengths prior. The taste evaporates, the extreme temperature lingers unsettlingly, and the smoke becomes a completely different experience - sensationally speaking. A bowl of this blend begins and ultimately ends with all the pleasance of the last inch of a cigar. Maybe the marple and spice still lay claim to this blend's complexities, you'd never know, as the admission of a veritable fireball into your mouth is enough to singe the hairs on your tongue and render any and all aromatic intricacies inconsequential.
I'd describe the flavors of the leaves therein, but it would be akin to analyzing an oil painting in the dark of midnight. I'd describe the aromas wafting into the air from my unfortunate inferno, but they could only be elaborated as oddly nondescript. "Someone smoked something here," you might say upon entering a room freshly christened with this Danish Import Pipe Tobak Black Label. But any further description would elude you.
My biggest issue with this tobacco is... I can't fathom which target audience they intended. Did they just package it up, thinking, "Americans will buy anything that says Danish on it. Especially if we spell it as 'Tobak.'" Or was this once a glorious aromatic? Might its marple and spice have captivated me in 2013? Did I miss the window?
It's impossible to say. Either way, if you see such a tin online for what feels like a steal, let the whole experience be somebody else's marpled fiasco. Trust me.
I didn't expect to win the auction. But sometimes I bid on random shit and it comes to fruition, and the pillages become mine. This is one such instance. Here it sat - a sexy little tin of Danish Import Pipe Tobak, 100g, and a half-pound of some obscure MacBaren in a box. The bid was low, there was no reserve, and I figured what the hell. There were still two days left on the auction, so what were the odds?
The odds were in my favor. Or disflavor, depending on how you look at it. Here we are a few months later, and as the air heats up I've found myself jonesing for aromatics. I don't recall this being the norm, but it is what it is. When scouring through my to-smoke section of my cellar, I happened upon this Tinbids anomaly and flipped it over. The date read January 2008, roughly the time I took up pipe smoking as a freshman in my undergrad nightmare. "Light aromatic Danish mixture," the tin stated, "with a hint of marple & spices."
Marple. I was intrigued. I popped open this ancient tin and the seal's breaking put me in mind of a sci-fi airlock on a space shuttle. My expectations, in other words, were building at once, and regrettably so. Inside, the ribboned leaves were moist and the scent wafting off the 16-year packaged leaves was nothing if not marpley. I breathed deeply and I smiled. This, I thought, was going to be one hell of a smoke...
I packed a bowl, I flipped the flint on my Peterson lighter, and I gave it the flame. Giving it a few puffs, my first thought was a salient one. "You know," I told myself. "I could've lit literally anything else. What was I thinking?" And I was right.
In the last inch of a cigar, one notices a distinct heat differential that didn't exist in lengths prior. The taste evaporates, the extreme temperature lingers unsettlingly, and the smoke becomes a completely different experience - sensationally speaking. A bowl of this blend begins and ultimately ends with all the pleasance of the last inch of a cigar. Maybe the marple and spice still lay claim to this blend's complexities, you'd never know, as the admission of a veritable fireball into your mouth is enough to singe the hairs on your tongue and render any and all aromatic intricacies inconsequential.
I'd describe the flavors of the leaves therein, but it would be akin to analyzing an oil painting in the dark of midnight. I'd describe the aromas wafting into the air from my unfortunate inferno, but they could only be elaborated as oddly nondescript. "Someone smoked something here," you might say upon entering a room freshly christened with this Danish Import Pipe Tobak Black Label. But any further description would elude you.
My biggest issue with this tobacco is... I can't fathom which target audience they intended. Did they just package it up, thinking, "Americans will buy anything that says Danish on it. Especially if we spell it as 'Tobak.'" Or was this once a glorious aromatic? Might its marple and spice have captivated me in 2013? Did I miss the window?
It's impossible to say. Either way, if you see such a tin online for what feels like a steal, let the whole experience be somebody else's marpled fiasco. Trust me.
