Dog For Sale

[georged]

A guy is driving around the back roads of Arkansas and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: Talking Dog For Sale

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young...

"I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

"I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard."

 

[weezell]

? ?...

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

"I've been out of the yard!"

 

[FurCoat]

That was good ?

 

[sasquatch]

Oh, that's bad. Reminds me of the 3 legged pig joke.

One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, "Excuse me, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?"

"Well," said the farmer, "that pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig, and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids."

"That's amazing!" said the man, but why does the pig only have three legs?"

"Well, there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn't. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren't for that pig we would all be dead."

"But still, that doesn't explain why the pig only has 3 legs."

"And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up a tree, but I was too far away to hear his cries for help. The pig ran to me and led me to where he was."

"Well, that is a miracle, but how come that pig only has 3 legs?" the man said quite annoyed at this point.

"Well," said the farmer, "with a pig that special... you don't eat it all at once."

 

[wolflarsen]

A statue of a man and a statue of a woman stood in a park looking at each other for a hundred years. One day a wizard, feeling sorry for the statues, brought them to life for 30 minutes. Right away, the two of them ran into some nearby bushes and began a chorus of passionate grunting and moaning. After a while they came back out, giggling. The wizard told them "You have another 15 minutes left, if you want to have another go." The statues looked at each other and the male statue answered "Fine, but this time you hold the pigeon and i'll shit on it."

 

[alexanderzingman]

i really likes dogs , i love the siberian husky and want to purchase.

 

[kcghost]

Good job, if a little old!!

 

[mikethompson]

the 3 legged pig joke.

That's Norm MacDonalds joke and a good one at that.

 

[Sweet Home Alabama]

I knew it was going to be a lab. They are chronic liars.

 

[jguss]

The version I heard it was a cat and he was a double agent.