I had written "cr ay cr ay" without the spaces....That's just
Worst Gifts Ever
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I fear at my age, I'm moving in the opposite direction.Wow! Complaining about the latter! Methinks you're lucky, and you'll grow into both.
As reported in another thread, my wife got me some socks and a DVD copy of the movie of Left Behind 2 for my 40th birthday. I think my exact words were "Thanks honey, but I didn't see Left Behind 1 so I feel like I'd just be lost."
However, I have decided there is a much worse gift for a man to open. It seems like a great gift to open but really, it's just leading to disappointment. That gift would be the Wonder Bra. This revelation came after hearing some women at work talk about their favorite outfits. One woman, an older woman who thought she was sexy kept saying "with my Wonder Bra." But think about it. Who is it made for? Women who want to look like young, sexy pin up girls (who need no such support) but who don't have the natural assets. It's just another of women's appearance lies that we've grown to accept. Most women aren't as tall as they appear, there tummy isn't that flat, their skin isn't that young or rosy looking and their hair isn't really that color.
So then there is the Wonder Bra, like the best looking present under the tree. You look and see it's for you! Your mind races for weeks, building excitement! "What could it be?" You give it a shake but can't tell so you put it back down and every day, Christmas inches a little closer. Your excitement keeps building! What joy it will be the to open it! Then on that fateful day, you rush over to the tree, untying that bow and tearing away the paper with glee. You sit down to open the box with joy.
And as you carefully take off the lid you discover its...its....tube socks.
I'm not saying men don't lie. We do. But mostly its for stuff like "How much was that new pipe?" "Did you really need new a new cold air intake on your car?" or "How much did you drink last night?" There is no such thing as Wonder Pants for men. Men don't have to have body acceptance commercials. We know when we're fat and don't try to convince anyone our six pack hasn't become a keg.
However, I have decided there is a much worse gift for a man to open. It seems like a great gift to open but really, it's just leading to disappointment. That gift would be the Wonder Bra. This revelation came after hearing some women at work talk about their favorite outfits. One woman, an older woman who thought she was sexy kept saying "with my Wonder Bra." But think about it. Who is it made for? Women who want to look like young, sexy pin up girls (who need no such support) but who don't have the natural assets. It's just another of women's appearance lies that we've grown to accept. Most women aren't as tall as they appear, there tummy isn't that flat, their skin isn't that young or rosy looking and their hair isn't really that color.
So then there is the Wonder Bra, like the best looking present under the tree. You look and see it's for you! Your mind races for weeks, building excitement! "What could it be?" You give it a shake but can't tell so you put it back down and every day, Christmas inches a little closer. Your excitement keeps building! What joy it will be the to open it! Then on that fateful day, you rush over to the tree, untying that bow and tearing away the paper with glee. You sit down to open the box with joy.
And as you carefully take off the lid you discover its...its....tube socks.
I'm not saying men don't lie. We do. But mostly its for stuff like "How much was that new pipe?" "Did you really need new a new cold air intake on your car?" or "How much did you drink last night?" There is no such thing as Wonder Pants for men. Men don't have to have body acceptance commercials. We know when we're fat and don't try to convince anyone our six pack hasn't become a keg.
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Yet another thing men would never do. "Honey, this year for your birthday, you're getting a dress and a ride on the old Jefferson Airplane! Boarding time is after dinner. I put a bow on the flight stick."
Ugh. Knives. I collect knives. High end work tools that I'm very picky over. Friends and family see this then see a low quality pretty knife and think of me. It's sweet but I've got a entire drawer of useless knives because of it.
And Clothing.
It's always the same thing. "Here saw this thought you could use a wardrobe change" course I'm that weirdo with 8 EXACTLY identical outfits that haven't changed in 15 years. 8 pants, 8 three button long sleeve shirts, 8 button ups all the same brand, size, color and cut. It seems to make people as uncomfortable as change makes me?
So they gift me things to add to it. I thank them then give them to the local shelter.
And Clothing.
It's always the same thing. "Here saw this thought you could use a wardrobe change" course I'm that weirdo with 8 EXACTLY identical outfits that haven't changed in 15 years. 8 pants, 8 three button long sleeve shirts, 8 button ups all the same brand, size, color and cut. It seems to make people as uncomfortable as change makes me?
So they gift me things to add to it. I thank them then give them to the local shelter.
I once knew a girl that pressured me to get her a gift. I got her a tube of mustache wax. Trust me if you knew her you'd find it funny. Also I was 15 at the time.
oh god that reminds me of when people buy me tobacco as presents. They always get something that I enjoy but not as much as I tell them I do.Ugh. Knives. I collect knives. High end work tools that I'm very picky over. Friends and family see this then see a low quality pretty knife and think of me. It's sweet but I've got a entire drawer of useless knives because of it.
And Clothing.
It's always the same thing. "Here saw this thought you could use a wardrobe change" course I'm that weirdo with 8 EXACTLY identical outfits that haven't changed in 15 years. 8 pants, 8 three button long sleeve shirts, 8 button ups all the same brand, size, color and cut. It seems to make people as uncomfortable as change makes me?
Isn’t sex an odd gift that women can only offer? No man has ever put gift wrap and a ribbon around his wang, tried to gave it to his wife as a gift and lived to tell about it. It should just be a part of a marriage. And being good at sex is not a skill everyone has or wants. Wouldn't you think if someone has the audacity to try and give it as a gift, they'd maybe take a class, watch a few videos, read a few books and learn to do something extra well or new for their partner and buy something sexy to wear rather than just giving the same old plain jane gift over and over?
It has been a very amusing thread … keep them coming ?
Also … someone wise said …
“Never look a gift horse in the mouth ? “ ?
Also … someone wise said …
“Never look a gift horse in the mouth ? “ ?
@hoosierpipeguy @hauntedmyst Women like thoughtful things, like when you make it yourself, it comes from the heart. Make a coupon book. One coupon for them to give you oral sex, one for them to do you in the car, one to... hell, just make all of them whatever you want, ha ha. Women dig that, Sometimes it's better to get than to receive.
trust me you got to be pretty good to pull it off. But it can certainly be done.
Just do what I do, remind the missus on her birthday of our ‘deal’. Then she laughs and says ‘But it’s not your birthday.’
Then I remind her it’s irrelevant whose birthday, as long as it’s a birthday.
Hasn‘t worked for the past 15 years I admit, but I’ll keep on trying.
Then I remind her it’s irrelevant whose birthday, as long as it’s a birthday.
Hasn‘t worked for the past 15 years I admit, but I’ll keep on trying.
Back on topic, I can’t recall any bad gifts which is kinda cool and boring at the same time.
The fact I can’t recall any is probably a good sign I’ve had some and promptly forgotten all about them..
The fact I can’t recall any is probably a good sign I’ve had some and promptly forgotten all about them..
Bad gifts? Well let's see...
1. 1978 Ford Pinto Hatchback (luckily I was never rear-ended)
2. Bad porn (also from 1978 - Debbie Does Dallas)
3. Cheap whiskey (Seagram)
4. Moldy tin of original release Carolina Red Flake (which I did debate smoking)
5. Fruit cake from X-Mas 1994 that I'm fairly certain was re-gifted from the prior year (stiffer than a brick)
1. 1978 Ford Pinto Hatchback (luckily I was never rear-ended)
2. Bad porn (also from 1978 - Debbie Does Dallas)
3. Cheap whiskey (Seagram)
4. Moldy tin of original release Carolina Red Flake (which I did debate smoking)
5. Fruit cake from X-Mas 1994 that I'm fairly certain was re-gifted from the prior year (stiffer than a brick)
Seems to be a common theme…stiff cake, stiff drink…ok I’ll stop while I’m ahead
???????
I think our problems stem from the same issue.
When asked a question pre gift we give a little white lie such as yes honey I love this cheap baccy and don't worry darling I only payed such and such for this knife ?
Giving out false expectations to begin with.
glad I don't do that.???????
I think our problems stem from the same issue.
When asked a question pre gift we give a little white lie such as yes honey I love this cheap baccy and don't worry darling I only payed such and such for this knife ?
Giving out false expectations to begin with.
I don't let people buy pipes for me anymore after this.
Gosh, one Christmas my aunt got me a pack of socks and peanuts. They weren't even special peanuts or socks. She could have just gotten a me a card ?