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jonahtke

Senior Member
Apr 26, 2012
315
0
I saw this post from pipesandcigars on facebook a few moments ago and thought I'd pass it on for funsies.
"Our sources have told us that the pleasure police in conjunction with the alliance of people who know how you should live better than you do have declared today "World No Tobacco Day"! So what are you going to smoke in honor of this holiday? I may smoke a pipe and a cigar at the same time."

 

carlosviet

Member
Apr 23, 2012
142
0
Nobody has ever answered like Mark Twain... 120 years ago:

Mark Twain on Nicotine Nannies
The Moral Statistician
Originally published in Sketches, Old and New, 1893
I don't want any of your statistics; I took your whole batch and lit my pipe with it.
I hate your kind of people. You are always ciphering out how much a man's health is injured, and how much his intellect is impaired, and how many pitiful dollars and cents he wastes in the course of ninety-two years' indulgence in the fatal practice of smoking; and in the equally fatal practice of drinking coffee; and in playing billiards occasionally; and in taking a glass of wine at dinner, etc. etc. And you are always figuring out how many women have been burned to death because of the dangerous fashion of wearing expansive hoops, etc. etc. You never see more than one side of the question.
You are blind to the fact that most old men in America smoke and drink coffee, although, according to your theory, they ought to have died young; and that hearty old Englishmen drink wine and survive it, and portly old Dutchmen both drink and smoke freely, and yet grow older and fatter all the time. And you never try to find out how much solid comfort, relaxation, and enjoyment a man derives from smoking in the course of a lifetime (which is worth ten times the money he would save by letting it alone), nor the appalling aggregate of happiness lost in a lifetime by your kind of people from not smoking. Of course you can save money by denying yourself all those little vicious enjoyments for fifty years; but then what can you do with it? What use can you put it to? Money can't save your infinitesimal soul. All the use that money can be put to is to purchase comfort and enjoyment in this life; therefore, as you are an enemy to comfort and enjoyment where is the use of accumulating cash?
It won't do for you to say that you can use it to better purpose in furnishing a good table, and in charities, and in supporting tract societies, because you know yourself that you people who have no petty vices are never known to give away a cent, and that you stint yourselves so in the matter of food that you are always feeble and hungry. And you never dare to laugh in the daytime for fear some poor wretch, seeing you in a good humor, will try to borrow a dollar of you; and in church you are always down on your knees, with your ears buried in the cushion, when the contribution-box comes around; and you never give the revenue officers a full statement of your income.
Now you know all these things yourself, don't you? Very well, then, what is the use of your stringing out your miserable lives to a lean and withered old age? What is the use of your saving money that is so utterly worthless to you? In a word, why don't you go off somewhere and die, and not be always trying to seduce people into becoming as ornery and unlovable as you are yourselves, by your villainous "moral statistics"?
Now, I don't approve of dissipation, and I don't indulge in it either; but I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices. And so I don't want to hear from you any more. I think you are the very same man who read me a long lecture last week about the degrading vice of smoking cigars, and then came back, in my absence, with your reprehensible fire-proof gloves on, and carried off my beautiful parlor stove.
 

waznyf

Preferred Member
Apr 24, 2012
732
11
Michigan
I did hear about that on a previous thread and I can guarantee that I will be smoking my pipe out in public when the day comes around.

You can expect to see me smoking cigarettes in public, but that is a more common sight.

 

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jonahtke

Senior Member
Apr 26, 2012
315
0
Note: this thread is intended for fun. For us as a community to take a stab at the nannies. Let's hear what you all intend to smoke in celebration!
My box from pipesandcigars is due in today and contains a tin of plum pudding, a tin of black house, and 4 ounces of bulk butternut burley. I intend to light a bowl of each tonight and enjoy myself all the more in spite of the rest of the world.

 

cyndi

Preferred Member
Nov 14, 2009
1,049
0
Flowery Branch, GA
I'd never seen that Twain quote before. I like it!
Unfortunately, defying the holiday means I have to go out in public and that's just not happening today. Today I am geeking around my computer room!

 

maduroman

Preferred Member
May 15, 2010
662
0
cyndi, i am gonna stagger outside and fire up my giant freehand to make it worth while....

 

cajunguy

Preferred Member
Jan 22, 2012
756
0
Metairie, LA
Very nice quote from, Twain. He's perhaps the greatest American humorist we'll ever see.
On a side note, I will make damn sure to smoke as much, in both public and private venues, as I tolerably see fit. But I do that every day. So, nannies, for me every day is your anti-holiday. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
err ...
Okay, stuff that in your tofu and eat it, instead.

 

rickpal14

Preferred Member
Jun 9, 2011
1,433
1
I am attending a going away dinner downtown tonight for one of our colleagues and there will be pipes and cigars lit all night!!!! :nana:

 

baronsamedi

Preferred Member
May 4, 2011
5,692
2
Dallas
I've been posting links to the 1998 Osteen Ruling against the EPA and other pro-smoking, anti fascism stuff on Facebook all morning. We should all use what free speech outlets we have left to do the same. If you happen to be on FB or another social site, share/link the voice of other pipe smokers. We have all (or should have) bothered our elected officials to death and received 4000 form letters in the mail. Now it's time to educate our friends on the InterWebs. Linking similar bullshit taxes like Bloomberg's soda tax is a good idea, too. We don't all smoke, but we all like CocaCola and Cheeseburgers.

 

mluyckx

Preferred Member
Dec 5, 2011
1,958
1
Texas
I posted the Mark Twain quote via my blog. Let me know if you want a link. But given that I'm not here to drive more traffic to my blog, you can use the link below if you want to post it via Facebook or something:
http://www.twainquotes.com/Calif/18650617.html

 

matchstickman

Preferred Member
Jul 15, 2011
2,351
0
To celebrate this occasion, I am getting ready to pack a big pinch of dip in my gums and take two giant sniffs full of snuff. That will be followed by a nice cigarette, followed by a pipe, followed by a cigar, followed by another pipe, but not before two more big pinches of snuff. :mrgreen:

 

pstlpkr

Preferred Member
Dec 14, 2009
9,738
11
Birmingham, AL
I drove my daughter and grandson to a check up today.

I remained out of doors and puffed away on some of what The War Department calls "that stinky stuff" (Park Lane Turkish Mystery).

A couple of Doctors passed me by (presumably on their way to lunch) when one spoke up... "Latakia?" Me: "Yup" Dr. "Smells great!" :D

 

weezell

Preferred Member
Oct 12, 2011
10,823
9,856
Well by GOD I showed em!Got delivered today a pound of Scottys BB,8oz of Balkan 1,a tub of Half&Half,and my free sample of Cerberus(thank you P&C).Have all the smoke free days ya want!More for ME :rofl:

 

brian64

Preferred Member
Jan 31, 2011
6,276
2,899
@carlosviet: Thanks for the Twain post...that was wonderful.
The ugliest and most evil "vice" of all is addiction to power and control.

 

thebadkitty

Member
Feb 29, 2012
271
0
Albany, Oregon
Smoking Va today, even got up early to fit in an extra bowl for those who think we should all not have any today. Neener neener.

Lighting up the next one in a minute, will be thinking of Irish when I do.

 

jwp159

Senior Member
Jan 1, 2010
365
0
I have tried to keep a pipe lit all day and to see just how many bowls I can smoke in one day. I'm on # 16 right now. :nana:

 

spartan

Preferred Member
Aug 14, 2011
2,964
1
I hope your mouth isn't cursing you out in the morning Jwp159 lol
That's a lot of pipes to smoke.

 
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