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rondyr

Starting to Get Obsessed
Oct 19, 2012
269
38
45
Bel Air, MD
Met an unbelievably beautiful and awesome woman. We're really compatible.
Buuuuuutttttt... she says that I have to quit smoking in order to have a serious relationship with her. 8O
Needless to say, I told her that wasn't happening. :rofl:
I will smoke until the day that the Good Lords say it is my time to go. I will even be buried with my favorite pipe!
Shame, really, but that's how it is.
So tell me, how have you dealt with smoking with your wife/girlfriend/significant other? Did/does it bother her? Does she want you to quit in order to make her happy? Or does she just deal with it, or in the rare instances of females, does she actually like it? :puffpipe:

 

bigboi

Lifer
Nov 12, 2012
1,192
3
My wife was very uncomfortable with the fact I was starting to get into smoking pipes. I explained to her why I did. I still have to smoke outside, but she puts up with it now. She sees that it very relaxing to me and that it helps me concentrate, which is good because I am currently a teacher and working on getting my degrees. I am very blessed by her.

 

krgulick

Lifer
Jul 13, 2010
2,241
2
The main thing is to be up front as you were with this gal. There are those out there where it is either them or the pipes. I choose pipes every time myself. Just have to find one that you can either make a compromise with or one that it does not matter. I have found 2 that were of the second ilk.

 

pipebow88

Can't Leave
Jun 12, 2013
459
1
Mine has called me an "old soul" since we met. Even at 24 i'm more like 64 in the things I do and like. So when she found out i smoke a pipe it just added to it. She has no problem with it, and even likes the smell of most of them. If I break out something strong in latakia she doesn't want to sit beside me however.

B

 
Aug 14, 2012
2,872
123
Rondyr: That is a very good idea. I have been thinking that when I check out, probably soon, the pipes will not be appreciated,and will be either discarded or sold for nothing. Maybe I should take them with me. I left a note for my executor, but she is pretty out of it. My wife made fun at first about the pipe collection. Then she wanted one to smoke. I gave her my last Stanwell.

 

judcole

Lifer
Sep 14, 2011
7,150
32,941
Detroit
You realize, of course, that women have been trying to get their men to quit smoking for ages. :puffy:
Here's Kipling's take on the subject. (Yeah, you've probably read it, but here it is anyway.)

The Betrothed
“You must choose between me and your cigar.” Breach of Promise Case, circa, 1885
OPEN the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba stout,

For things are running crossways, and Maggie and I are out.
We quarrelled about Havanas—we fought o’er a good cheroot,

And I know she is exacting, and she says I am a brute.
Open the old cigar-box—let me consider a space;

In the soft blue veil of the vapour musing on Maggie’s face.
Maggie is pretty to look at—Maggie’s a loving lass,

But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of loves must pass.
There’s peace in a Laranaga, there’s calm in a Henry Clay;

But the best cigar in an hour is finished and thrown away—
Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brown—

But I could not throw away Maggie for fear o’ the talk o’ the town!
Maggie, my wife at fifty—grey and dour and old—

With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold!
And the light of Days that have Been the dark of the Days that Are,

And Love’s torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a dead cigar—
The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep in your pocket—

With never a new one to light tho’ it’s charred and black to the socket!
Open the old cigar-box—let me consider a while.

Here is a mild Manilla—there is a wifely smile.
Which is the better portion—bondage bought with a ring,

Or a harem of dusky beauties fifty tied in a string?
Counsellors cunning and silent—comforters true and tried,

And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride?
Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,

Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close,
This will the fifty give me, asking nought in return,

With only a Suttee’s passion—to do their duty and burn.
This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead,

Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead.
The furrows of far-off Java, the isles of the Spanish Main,

When they hear my harem is empty will send me my brides again.
I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mouths withal,

So long as the gulls are nesting, so long as the showers fall.
I will scent ’em with best vanilla, with tea will I temper their hides,

And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides.
For Maggie has written a letter to give me my choice between

The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick o’ Teen.
And I have been servant of Love for barely a twelvemonth clear,

But I have been Priest of Cabanas a matter of seven year;
And the gloom of my bachelor days is flecked with the cheery light

Of stumps that I burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight.
And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove,

But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o’-the-Wisp of Love.
Will it see me safe through my journey or leave me bogged in the mire?

Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire?
Open the old cigar-box—let me consider anew—

Old friends, and who is Maggie that I should abandon you?
A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke;

And a woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.
Light me another Cuba—I hold to my first-sworn vows.

If Maggie will have no rival, I’ll have no Maggie for Spouse!​

 

radio807

Can't Leave
Nov 26, 2011
444
7
New Jersey
I was a cigarette smoker back when I met my wife over thirty years ago. Smoke bothers her quite a bit and so I realized that I would have to quit or be forever banished to smoking in the outdoors if I was going to marry her. She never came out and said that or even made a big issue of my smoking, and so there was no ultimatum (that would have been a horse of a different color if ultimatums were going to be part of our relationship). I decided back then that she was worth more to me than tobacco and so I quit completely. Five years ago I took up the pipe again. I smoke outdoors of course, and we're both fine with that.
Consider this, FWIW: If she's the type who will give you ultimatums, then run like hell because tobacco isn't the issue. If you don't get an ultimatum, and yet you know her wants, desires and concerns on any given issue and you're not willing to put her ahead of your own desires, then she should run like hell. When the two of you are willing to put each other ahead of yourselves you stand a better than average chance of celebrating many, many anniversaries.
Just my thoughts in general, not necessarily applicable to your specific case.

 

easterntraveler

Part of the Furniture Now
Dec 29, 2012
805
11
My wife is fantastic. She does not like the smell of most of my tobaccos but just as long as I do not smoke in the house and take a shower after a smoke she doesn't care. She will often give me a call from work to ask me if I got to enjoy a pipe for the day.

 

voorhees

Lifer
May 30, 2012
3,834
939
Gonadistan
I never smoked anything but the occasional cigar when my wife and I first met. She smoked the random cigarette. She now only smoke a cigarello now and then.So, I've never had any ultimatums of my smoking.

 

oldredbeard

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 20, 2012
628
1
Mine has never complained about me smoking anything, but the other day I loaded a bowl of Lane Crown Achievement Alternative, and she did say she didn't really care for the room note of that tobacco. The next morning when I walked in my smoking room I realized why she said that. I like the blend a lot, it taste very good, but man it stinks. However when I said I would only smoke it outside, she said that's ok you can smoke it in the room just let me know when you are going to so I will be expecting it. WOW I guess I do have it made.

 

papipeguy

Lifer
Jul 31, 2010
15,778
35
Bethlehem, Pa.
Your title says it all. It started in Eden and isn't going to change. Be who you are. You'll find someone to love everything about you. She'll probably be insane but, hey, that's how it works.

 

tennsmoker

Lifer
Jul 2, 2010
1,157
7
My first wife didn't care. She smoked cigarettes and I smoked my pipe. But, those were the days when you could smoke anywhere you pleased. That was Before. This is Now.
By the time my first wife and I split, she had quit smoking, and so had I. In fact, neither of us had smoked for more than 20 years or more. Then after the split, I decided to look for my pipes and to dust them off, if I could find them.
It was like running into old friends. Some were a little nicked and aged looking, but okay for the wear and tear. I cleaned them, ordered some tobacco and was back in business. That was about 20 years ago now.
But, living in the Now, my present wife hates my pipes and tobacco, thinks I spend "way too much" on both and I have to smoke outside.
I don't think it was an ultimatum, but it went something like, "you can smoke all you want outside, but not in the house." What about the heat and mosquitoes of summer? "Your problem," was the answer. What about freezing MAO in winter? "Your problem," was the answer.
So, I work around my wife. I smoke in my car on trips. I smoke outside when I can. It has cut my smoking down to way less than half of what it had been in years past. I suppose in the long run I am saving money, since it takes me a good long while now to work through a tin. Whereas in the past, I would puff a pound a week, or thereabouts.
Perhaps I should have done a little more due diligence before the marriage, eh?
My apologies for running on. I just wish I had a room where I could smoke without hassle. I am a freelance writer and smoking my pipe while writing is very, very relaxing and helpful.
I'm through whining.
All best with your new relationship. I hope you find a workable solution. So far, I haven't found one to my satisfaction.

 

kashmir

Lifer
May 17, 2011
2,712
64
Northern New Jersey
Arrrgh. Woman. Can't live with 'em. Can't live without them. Guess that's why we have our man caves and vehicular escape modules (i.e. cars and trucks).
It's funny, but in primate societies (e.g., baboons, gibbons, etc.), the other "lesser" males will let an alpha male emerge and dominate a harem of females. The alpha male's life span is roughly half that of the "lesser" males. Due to the stress of maintaining his harem against all challengers. In return the alpha male thinks he's getting unconditional mate loyalty. When in truth genetic studies on these primates indicate that it's the "lesser" males hanging out on the periphery that score the most. They even band together to distract the alpha male, while one of their cohorts scores. What, if anything, does this tell us about human societies, I don't know. Just thought I'd bring it up.

 
May 3, 2010
6,423
1,461
Las Vegas, NV
My girl is completely fine with my cigar and pipe smoking. She'll even take a few puffs from my cigars from time to time. Hasn't puffed a pipe yet though lol. The last two Christmas' she's even bought me the Peterson Holiday Blend.

 

ghost

Lifer
May 17, 2012
2,001
4
I know my wife doesn't care for my pipes, but she married me anyways. It's not a discussion point with us ever. I am respectful about it, so I generally choose for her to be at work when the pipe comes out. She never asked me to do that, but it's worked out for many years now. We had a similar conversation to the OP's dilemma early in our dating relationship, but over a different topic...
I get more heat for my taste in music. I never purposely subject her or anyone to my choices in metal or punk (though she seems to like The Ramones lol), but if I ever want to clear the room then music will do it faster than the pipe. Ironically though, when we met I wasn't listening to as much of that stuff but I was deep into a Grateful Dead obsession. My wife didn't appreciate that either, especially since I like to sing along while I drive. I remember being stuck in traffic, belting out something (I think it was "The Eleven"?? Memory is foggy, but I think it was that song...? I liked to alternate between Jerry and Bob voices, but she really hated when I did the old school Phil falsetto voice. I digress.) and she asked me point blank..."Who would you choose, me or the Grateful Dead?" Now this was very early in our relationship, but I didn't miss a beat. "Grateful Dead." She paused, I could tell I was in trouble, she asked why and I said point blank "because the Grateful Dead would never ask me that question...." I don't remember what she said after that, I know she found it funny so I wasn't screwed, but it was the truth.
Anyways, the point was made up front that I was who I was. I don't change for anyone, and I don't expect others to do so either. I may be eccentric, but I'm honest and a straight shooter. I think she understood, we'll be together 12 years this fall. You have to be true to yourself.

 

wilson

Part of the Furniture Now
Apr 17, 2013
719
1
Compatibility is a strange thing. The real problem, as radio pointed out, is not the pipe, it is the ultimatum. You would have a hard time, long-term, with someone who starts off with ultimatums. There is give and take in any relationship, but, ultimatums are a bad way to start.
My wife (32 years) is pretty tolerant of my pipes and cigars. She even gave me some cigars for father's day. I smoke outside, not in the house. I prefer that (except during really nasty weather). It forces me to take a break, rather than just having a pipe burning all the time.

 

erichbaumer

Part of the Furniture Now
Dec 4, 2012
738
5
Illinois
I met my girlfriend at a cigar-smoking event at school, and she doesn't smoke a pipe but likes the smell of them (even lat blends). When a trip to a cigar lounge can be considered a date, I figure I've walked into something way better than I deserve!

 

murf

Can't Leave
Mar 1, 2013
446
1
I agree with radio and wilson. If she's starting out telling you what to do, before you're even in a more serious relationship (to some degree, you already have a "relationship," even if it is only as acquaintances at this point), what the hell will it be like down the road?
Sounds like she could be controlling, and that's not a good quality in a woman, or anybody.
My fiancee thinks I spend too much on pipes and tobacco, that I have enough of both. That I shouldn't buy any more pipes for the indefinite future, and that I should smoke most of my cellar before adding to it. I only smoke in the apt when she and our son are gone. I think she enjoys certain room notes, or mustache notes, but prefer that I brush my teeth afterwards. Which is fine with me, because I prefer the mustache note much more than the aftertaste.
So, she's fine with the act of it, but just thinks I tend to go overboard with purchases. She might not be understanding of it, but she hasn't gotten mad about it (or hasn't expressed it in any way that I can perceive).

 

kanaia

Part of the Furniture Now
Feb 3, 2013
658
543
I am extremly lucky because my wife will indulge with me. Thank God.

 

zonomo

Lifer
Nov 24, 2012
1,584
5
I had the same experience as bigboi, At first she didnt like it so I had to explain it to her. Once I told her how it touched my very soul, how could she deny me that? To the OP, I would ask her why she has a problem with PIPE smoking. My guess is that she's lumping it with cigarette smoking, thinks you inhale, litter up the place, etc. Once you educate her on it, if she's still against the idea, then decide what's more important and make your move. As for us, we're all here for ya.... :puffy:

 
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