Sir Walter Raleigh Beheaded Me

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Jim Sobie

Starting to Get Obsessed
Jun 13, 2021
108
554
44
Allen Park, Michigan
Having returned to piping after several false starts, I was excited to snap up a few tins and pouches of tobacco I'd known and loved before, and because burley goes with morning coffee like PB with J, naturally I had to snag up some SWR original.

Now I'd smoked and enjoyed it before, and I am aware it's a bit on the dry side. Perhaps in my eagerness I overlooked the fact that the pipe scooped with an audible crunch sound like a soup ladle through cat litter. Perhaps I neglected to note the pouch note was precisely zero. I believe I even heard the gasp of a mummy's curse wafting up from that fabled black and orange folio, but by then I'd grabbed my coffee mug and hot-footed it to the porch.

This was all a Terrible Mistake. Upon touching a gentle flame to my awaiting Missouri Meerschaum, there was an audible coughing boom like an old Bofors gun, and a plume of hot caustic smoke exploded throughout my mouth and sinus cavities. I've never attempted to French-kiss the exhaust pipe of an idling tugboat but that was the general mouthfeel. The retrohale was somewhere between a slice of onion that fell through the grill onto the coals and a tomcat peeing on a steam radiator.

Aghast, I ripped the pipe from my lips and let it go out. After several minutes, when the cob stopped glowing like a plugged catalytic converter, I cautiously dug into the cinders and found that my entire codger-scooped bowlful had burned spang through like Visco fuse.

What I'm getting at is, this pouch was dryer than Amish phone sex. I shall rehydrate this pouch and bring it back to the proper case, but I can't help but feel that somewhere, Sir Walter Raleigh's decidedly detached head is snickering a little.
 

anotherbob

Lifer
Mar 30, 2019
11,041
20,958
43
In the semi-rural NorthEastern USA
Having returned to piping after several false starts, I was excited to snap up a few tins and pouches of tobacco I'd known and loved before, and because burley goes with morning coffee like PB with J, naturally I had to snag up some SWR original.

Now I'd smoked and enjoyed it before, and I am aware it's a bit on the dry side. Perhaps in my eagerness I overlooked the fact that the pipe scooped with an audible crunch sound like a soup ladle through cat litter. Perhaps I neglected to note the pouch note was precisely zero. I believe I even heard the gasp of a mummy's curse wafting up from that fabled black and orange folio, but by then I'd grabbed my coffee mug and hot-footed it to the porch.

This was all a Terrible Mistake. Upon touching a gentle flame to my awaiting Missouri Meerschaum, there was an audible coughing boom like an old Bofors gun, and a plume of hot caustic smoke exploded throughout my mouth and sinus cavities. I've never attempted to French-kiss the exhaust pipe of an idling tugboat but that was the general mouthfeel. The retrohale was somewhere between a slice of onion that fell through the grill onto the coals and a tomcat peeing on a steam radiator.

Aghast, I ripped the pipe from my lips and let it go out. After several minutes, when the cob stopped glowing like a plugged catalytic converter, I cautiously dug into the cinders and found that my entire codger-scooped bowlful had burned spang through like Visco fuse.

What I'm getting at is, this pouch was dryer than Amish phone sex. I shall rehydrate this pouch and bring it back to the proper case, but I can't help but feel that somewhere, Sir Walter Raleigh's decidedly detached head is snickering a little.
trust me you don't need the gentle flame to actually make contact with the tobacco. Just kind of hover it over the stuff. I am can smoke powdered five brothers slowly and gently by pretty much just having a flame with in feet (exaggeration really more like a half inch) above the bowl.
But the real reason I need to comment on this is you have obviously never been a participant in Amish Phone cause if you had you'd say it's the opposite of it as far as well dry or not dry goes. There are several levels of naughty going on there. As someone who lives around the Amish I feel I have to dispel these misunderstandings.
 

Jim Sobie

Starting to Get Obsessed
Jun 13, 2021
108
554
44
Allen Park, Michigan
trust me you don't need the gentle flame to actually make contact with the tobacco. Just kind of hover it over the stuff. I am can smoke powdered five brothers slowly and gently by pretty much just having a flame with in feet (exaggeration really more like a half inch) above the bowl.
But the real reason I need to comment on this is you have obviously never been a participant in Amish Phone cause if you had you'd say it's the opposite of it as far as well dry or not dry goes. There are several levels of naughty going on there. As someone who lives around the Amish I feel I have to dispel these misunderstandings.
We used to have a place up north and all our neighbors were Amish. We only went up there on weekends so it's not like I knew them well, but it did not escape my attention that Amish women were very, ah, fit. Regrettably my parents sold the property when I was 14 or so, right around the time I probably would have gotten myself in trouble. ?
 

anotherbob

Lifer
Mar 30, 2019
11,041
20,958
43
In the semi-rural NorthEastern USA
We used to have a place up north and all our neighbors were Amish. We only went up there on weekends so it's not like I knew them well, but it did not escape my attention that Amish women were very, ah, fit. Regrettably my parents sold the property when I was 14 or so, right around the time I probably would have gotten myself in trouble. ?
the one issue I have with the Amish is they make the average local misogynist look progressive. Not to get dark but you can find stories about nightmare stuff in Amish communities. But how that ties up to this thread is even during Rumspringa you the girls are so clearly more reserved and clueless about those things then the boys. Like the boys see a cute girl they flirt (usually pretty poorly), the girls do this weird shut down thing and just seem confused and shocked.
 
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Jim Sobie

Starting to Get Obsessed
Jun 13, 2021
108
554
44
Allen Park, Michigan
the one issue I have with the Amish is they make the average local misogynist look progressive. Not to get dark but you can find stories about nightmare stuff in Amish communities. But how that ties up to this thread is even during Rumspringa you the girls are so clearly more reserved and clueless about those things then the boys. Like the boys see a cute girl they flirt (usually pretty poorly), the girls do this weird shut down thing and just seem confused and shocked.
Oh there's a lot of horror stories out there. Any tightly knit community that is closed to outsiders and follows its own rules is bound to have some skeletons in the closet. I do respect their sense of community spirit and their studied rejection of certain technology. On the other hand I'm not religious and that whole going to church all day thing would have to go.

Anyway I wasn't any good at flirting with girls as an "English" with full access to modern technology and my own automobile, so I can hardly judge. ?
 

--dante--

Part of the Furniture Now
Jun 11, 2020
865
5,742
Pittsburgh, PA USA
Having returned to piping after several false starts, I was excited to snap up a few tins and pouches of tobacco I'd known and loved before, and because burley goes with morning coffee like PB with J, naturally I had to snag up some SWR original.

Now I'd smoked and enjoyed it before, and I am aware it's a bit on the dry side. Perhaps in my eagerness I overlooked the fact that the pipe scooped with an audible crunch sound like a soup ladle through cat litter. Perhaps I neglected to note the pouch note was precisely zero. I believe I even heard the gasp of a mummy's curse wafting up from that fabled black and orange folio, but by then I'd grabbed my coffee mug and hot-footed it to the porch.

This was all a Terrible Mistake. Upon touching a gentle flame to my awaiting Missouri Meerschaum, there was an audible coughing boom like an old Bofors gun, and a plume of hot caustic smoke exploded throughout my mouth and sinus cavities. I've never attempted to French-kiss the exhaust pipe of an idling tugboat but that was the general mouthfeel. The retrohale was somewhere between a slice of onion that fell through the grill onto the coals and a tomcat peeing on a steam radiator.

Aghast, I ripped the pipe from my lips and let it go out. After several minutes, when the cob stopped glowing like a plugged catalytic converter, I cautiously dug into the cinders and found that my entire codger-scooped bowlful had burned spang through like Visco fuse.

What I'm getting at is, this pouch was dryer than Amish phone sex. I shall rehydrate this pouch and bring it back to the proper case, but I can't help but feel that somewhere, Sir Walter Raleigh's decidedly detached head is snickering a little.
You obviously don't know how to have Amish phone sex. That has to be done by mail. :p
 

anotherbob

Lifer
Mar 30, 2019
11,041
20,958
43
In the semi-rural NorthEastern USA
Oh there's a lot of horror stories out there. Any tightly knit community that is closed to outsiders and follows its own rules is bound to have some skeletons in the closet. I do respect their sense of community spirit and their studied rejection of certain technology. On the other hand I'm not religious and that whole going to church all day thing would have to go.

Anyway I wasn't any good at flirting with girls as an "English" with full access to modern technology and my own automobile, so I can hardly judge. ?
oh there are great things about them
 
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anotherbob

Lifer
Mar 30, 2019
11,041
20,958
43
In the semi-rural NorthEastern USA
Oh there's a lot of horror stories out there. Any tightly knit community that is closed to outsiders and follows its own rules is bound to have some skeletons in the closet. I do respect their sense of community spirit and their studied rejection of certain technology. On the other hand I'm not religious and that whole going to church all day thing would have to go.

Anyway I wasn't any good at flirting with girls as an "English" with full access to modern technology and my own automobile, so I can hardly judge. ?
the rejection isn't so much tech as unnescarriness of it..
 
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Reactions: Jim Sobie