Out Of Context Thread

[anotherbob]

This is the post for things we said here or out side of here that are funny or sound wrong out of context.
For example "Me and a female co-worker spent the whole night stripping in the bathroom"...
Stripping the floors of their finish. I know this might get closed but trust me this is a thread that keeps on giving.

 

[Servant King]

DEFINITELY going to be keeping an eye on this thread...

 

[olkofri]

 

[anotherbob]

DEFINITELY going to be keeping an eye on this thread...

I start one of these on every forum I join and it's always a very lively thread. Always.

 

[mso489]

I can't think of any of my own, but I enjoyed the girl in high school who wrote in the student paper that the basketball team rode in the bus with their athletic supporters.

 

[STP]

“Let’s sweep together…” Just watched the Seinfeld episode, The Lip Reader?

 

[tobefrank]

Not sure if this fits here, but my ex-girlfriend once told me that when women live together they start cycling together, which was not what I thought it meant...

 

[captainsousie]

So, a late friend of mine had a favorite joke. The punchline was "it looks like you blew a seal, to which the penguin replied, 'no, that's just ice cream'".

 

[JOHN72]

It could be a thread perrier?

 

[JOHN72]

Talking about perverse sex today, he doesn't have a social media blockade. But if you say you like roast pork and red wine. In my country there is a (PoliticalReligious community) that would cut our heads off saying this......................get your conclusions

 

[bassbug]

Long time ago, when I was still married, we met the new neighbours that moved here from the UK. We had dinner, a nice talk and my then wife offered to show the husband where the local stores were. He was very thankful and said "great, I look forward to it. I'll knock you up in the morning" at which point my wife looked at me and said "you don't mind, do you honey?"

 

[Casual]

So then I said, “No, you have to mix up the lye solution in the bathtub before you put the body parts in.”

Those we’re the days.

 

[anotherbob]

Finding a B&M these days is akin to finding an Unicorn Ranch. Congrats on the new spot!
Well according to @mikethompson in the Pretty happy thread.

 

[verporchting]

Two nuns walk into a bar with a sausage under one arm and a poodle under the other. The bartender says ….

 

[anotherbob]

Two nuns walk into a bar with a sausage under one arm and a poodle under the other. The bartender says ….

wait if I understand this correctly the two nuns have a total of two arms combined. Is it an even spread or does one nun have zero arms?
But yeah I've heard this one before the bartend says I have to ask you to leave this is a vegan bar.
Oh this wasn't intended as thread to share jokes in general but more like it says things that taken out of context sound funny or wrong. However I appreciate silly and bad jokes so keep them coming.

 

[DAR]

Years ago I was in a meeting with 3 attorneys that didn't like me very much and had just about enough of me and they asked me if I would please excuse them. I said , "sure, no problem" and picked up the newspaper, sat down and started reading the comics. After a few chuckles on their part, one of them loudly and impatiently said, "I meant get out of the room so we can talk amongst ourselves!" I said, "sorry, I thought you meant excuse you from all the BS I've been smelling and hearing". ? Didn't win me any points but I couldn't help myself.

 

[johnnyreb]

With everyone else in the next room, & bubbling over with excitement & happiness for her & her husband the secretary told me, "I'm pregnant!"

 

[anotherbob]

Years ago I was in a meeting with 3 attorneys that didn't like me very much and had just about enough of me and they asked me if I would please excuse them. I said , "sure, no problem" and picked up the newspaper, sat down and started reading the comics. After a few chuckles on their part, one of them loudly and impatiently said, "I meant get out of the room so we can talk amongst ourselves!" I said, "sorry, I thought you meant excuse you from all the BS I've been smelling and hearing". ? Didn't win me any points but I couldn't help myself.

sounds like you just told us the least interesting part of that story.

 

[DAR]

sounds like you just told us the least interesting part of that story.

?You're probably right....... What I told was the response I had to their request for being "excused". The rest of the story has to do with someone skipping bail and me not being too happy with their attitude about my loss of money. And we'll leave it at that.......?

 

[anotherbob]

?You're probably right....... What I told was the response I had to their request for being "excused". The rest of the story has to do with someone skipping bail and me not being too happy with their attitude about my loss of money. And we'll leave it at that.......?

not much you can do about that without the application of a baseball bat or some other such sporting impliment.