My Wife And I Went To A Wake.

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indianafrank

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 15, 2014
950
5
A friend of hers died.
As we were getting ready to go to the calling hours, my wife says to me.
“You’re not wearing those jeans and that tee shirt to the calling hours.”
“Why not. The guys dead. Do you really think he cares about what I’m wearing?”
“You’ll embarrass me.” She answered.
“Then we won’t walk in together.” I told her. “You go first. I’ll wait in the car. When you come out. I’ll go in.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” We’re going in together. At least wear shoes, and not those dirty, paint stained crocks.” She insisted.
And I was right. The old guy never complained about the way I looked. And neither did the other visitors to his casket.

 

cortezattic

Lifer
Nov 19, 2009
15,147
7,620
Chicago, IL
It was good of you to attend and pay your respects -- that is, acknowledging the worth of his life.

Like Yogi Berra said, you should always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

 

tbradsim1

Lifer
Jan 14, 2012
8,770
8,589
Southwest Louisiana
Frank it was good of you to pay Respects, Cajuns are taught to suit up when paying respects, Frank don't take it as crtiizaum on you, you went and good for you. My Grandfather raised me and it was suit time, Grandmother powdered me up till I was choking like I was in a dust storm. I have my Furneal Suit in the closet, been lucky hadn't had to use it in a while.

 

warren

Lifer
Sep 13, 2013
10,122
9,927
Frank, I'm a bit like you and that's why I listened to my wife when she was alive. I'm asocial enough to forget that a wake is for the surviving family not the deceased. So when I go to pay my respects I now trust my daughter's judgement and give myself over for a quick inspection, a change of clothes, and then I pay my respects. I need reminding now and then that life isn't all about me.

 

didimauw

Moderator
Staff member
Jul 28, 2013
6,748
14,874
33
Burlington WI
Frank, that post made me smile. I missed your posts about life. I'm definitely the same way, just not as farfetched.
But today for Easter, the wife picked me out a shirt to wear to her grandma's. The shirt is old and filled with holes. I attempted to change it, but the wife said she didn't care.

I told her shes taking the blame when her mom yells at me.

 

ashdigger

Lifer
Jul 30, 2016
9,593
54,874
59
Vegas Baby!!!
I have one suit. I wear it to funerals and court. But, at least you went.
When my father was alive he belonged to a breakfast club. They met for breakfast once a month for about six years and then one by one the twelve members of the club started passing away. My dad hated going to the services, but he got dressed up and went. The day before my dad passed the other last remaining member of the club passed. The new widow of the club called to let us know that he passed and I had to inform her that my dad passed the night before. Then there were none.
People come and people go, but respect for a human should never fail.

 

indianafrank

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 15, 2014
950
5
Typical Hoosier.
I'm not from Indiana...I just want people to think I'm from there.
Frank don't take it as crtiizaum on you,
Bradley, no offense taken.
I'm asocial enough to forget that a wake is for the surviving family not the deceased. So when I go to pay my respects I now trust my daughter's judgement and give myself over for a quick inspection, a change of clothes, and then I pay my respects.
Warren, I never judge a person by their clothing. And if others think there is a problem with me for not dressing to their terms...that's their problem!
As for showing respect for the family by dressing up. In my many, many years of attending the wakes of family and friends, I've never heard anyone ever say to me, or to my wife. "Frank dressed awful for the calling hours". But I have heard people say..."why wasn't Frank at the services?"

 

pappymac

Lifer
Feb 26, 2015
2,846
2,763
When you daughter-in-law's father died, a lot of men and boys showed up wearing plaid vests over their shirts. He was a teacher and long associated with the school's FFA program. He wore the vest practically every day so they wore them to pay respect. All his pall bearers wore the vests also.
Then last summer when one of my nephews died from kidney disease, most of the male visitors to the viewing wore camo hunting shirts. Darrell was an avid hunting and fisherman when he was younger. His pall bearers all wore camo shirts.
That's what I call respect just as much as everyone wearing black suits and white shirts.

 

warren

Lifer
Sep 13, 2013
10,122
9,927
I don't judge by clothing either. I judge by the effort made. If it's a themed funeral, wake, visitation, etc, that's one thing. Customs vary according to region I acknowledge. I'll shine my boots, wear the clean hat and a jacket to show the relatives that they and the deceased are worth the effort to clean up, at least a little. It's the effort, not the appearance that's important.
It's just my way of showing my respect. Yours is obviously different.

 

bigvan

Lifer
Mar 22, 2011
2,192
6
So your wife asked you to spare her some (perhaps minor) embarrassment, and you said 'no'.
That's not the choice I would have made.

 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
38,632
49,201
Frank, mostly it was good that you went. Though it was your wife's friend and not yours, the living appreciate some support and sense of community. Of course, the deceased, or their remains, don't care if you show up naked dancing the jig, but these events are for the survivors. I always dress up to a degree, but try to avoid over-dressing depending on the family involved, the location, and the personality of the deceased. The town wild man might rate a little more latitude in dress, though he isn't there to respond -- the family would understand. Frankly, a chance to put on a jacket and tie so rarely occur for me anymore, that would be a compensatory treat. But mostly, good for you to attend.

 
Mar 1, 2014
3,343
4,126
I like to use funerals as an excuse to get new pants, everything I own is usually halfway covered in dirt, grease or glue (you wear pants for something to wipe your hands on, right?).

 
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