My Son is Interested in Pipes

[boilermakerandy]

I have sort of a dilemma. Our oldest boy who is 17 has taken an interest in pipes since I took it up again and has been smoking a couple of my pipes around the house. I've always told my boys it's up to them if they want to smoke when they're older but to please stay as far away from cigarettes as possible. We live in an area where there's lots of things for kids to get into but he's never given us one bit of trouble...no cigarettes, no pot, no drinking, nothing. He has a buddy his age who sits on the porch with his father and smokes cigars so I'm not the only parent trying to manage an child with an interest in tobacco. I'm certainly not encouraging him, in fact have tried to gently discourage him, but he likes everything about it; the ritual, learning about pipes, different tobaccos, etc.
I told him if he wants to smoke though he has to buy his own pipes and his own tobacco so he found Peterson Christmas pipes on sale at Iwan Ries for less than 60 bucks. I ordered two, a calabash for him and an apple for me, along with some tobacco to get the free shipping. He is paying for his pipe and tobacco with money he earns from his part time job at Target. On one hand, I feel like I shouldn't be letting him buy a pipe but on the other he's only a few months away of being of age and can do it then whether I like it or not. I was younger than him when I started smoking cigarettes and if smoking a pipe is the worst thing he does I feel pretty fortunate.
Am I wrong here? I figure if I'm too far off base his mother will say something but she doesn't have a problem with it. Thoughts?

 

[woodsroad]

You haven't been hanging out in a B&M with him, have you?

 

[boilermakerandy]

No, I buy all of my stuff online. The only B&Ms we have around here are the "vape" shops that have sprung up on every corner recently.

 

[mso489]

At 17, maybe the horse is out of the barn. If you forbid him or strongly discouraged him until he was 18 or 20,

or had graduated from college or something, and he really wants to smoke a pipe, he will do it out of your sight.

I'd encourage him on moderation, and emphasize some of the health concerns with cigarettes and chew, just

to balance your influence as a pipe smoker. Then leave the decision to him, unless he was smoking day and

night, which might deserve some comment. It sounds like he's a fine person, and a strong one, and I hope

he does fine with a pipe.

 

[mephistopheles]

You know, I think you're fine with allowing him to make his own choices. I'm 22 and I'm kind of in his shoes right now. My parents don't want me involved with pipe smoking but hey, it's my choice and it's something that I really enjoy. As far as legality of use, I don't think it's a big deal and it doesn't sound like you're really encouraging him anyway.
Honestly, I wish I could have a hobby that I shared with my father. He's a hard man and we don't have much in common. If I were a father I wouldn't squander an opportunity to share something that I love/enjoy with my kid because he's a year shy of a requirement. If he's being responsible - which it sounds like he is, especially if he's paying for it - then I personally don't see any problems with it.
Also, sounds like maybe your town is like mine, if you're in an area where you can do some target practicing with either firearms, knives, or a bow and arrow then I would encourage that. It's done wonders for keeping my boredom at bay and it's something I can share with friends or even my future loved ones.

 

[warren]

Wouldn't be my approach to the situation.

 

[daveinlax]

I let my high school age boys smoke an occasional pipe or cigar sitting around watching football. I was a bit disappointed when they lost interest. I was hoping to have someone to pass the collection onto. 8O

 

[easterntraveler]

Hmmm. I smoke a pipe. It is a luxury I enjoy. NO you can not do it. Really doesn't make sense. I do not see a problem with this. At what point in time is it

ok for me but not for my grown child. Kind of the wrong message. By having him pay for his own in my opinion is the right approach, however I probably would have given him a pipe of my own.

 

[peckinpahhombre]

Great stuff to welcome a new brother of the leaf.
As a stocking stuffer may I suggest a bottle of Wild Turkey 151 and a gift certificate to see your favourite hooker?

 

[johnnyreb]

I certainly wouldn't encourage it. It's not a "do as I say, not as I do" thing either. This world is changing rapidly and everything is becoming more competitive every day. He probably has another 70 yrs to live & compete in life. Personal habits & "hobbies" like pipe smoking won't help him compete for jobs, personal & professional relationships, etc during that time either. In 20 yrs or less the percentage of smokers in the population will drop from 18% now to less than 10% and will continue to drop. It makes no sense to be at a competitive disadvantage in life at such a young age by being among those 10% or less, or to have to quit smoking at that time. Why start now with the information that is known today? I stopped pipe smoking after college and during the years my kids were growing up. I often think now about quitting for good and if I was much younger I think I would. It is something I enjoy but makes little sense to continue to do. Just my opinion looking at life ahead. YMMV.
As John Wayne said, "Life is tough; it's even tougher when you're stupid". I wouldn't want my kids to be at a disadvantage in their life over bad choices they made and knowing I might have influenced their choices. This isn't the 1950's any longer.

 

[warren]

I was thinking more along the lines of: If you want a car - get a job. You want to smoke - move out and get a job. You want to play with adult toys - grow up, get a job, move out and spend your money any way you like. I not going to underwrite your life style and vices! You're not smoking my tobacco in my pipes and you're not drinking my liqueur or wrecking my car. Move out! Get a job!
He's already very aware of the dangers of smoking. He needs to grow up, get a job and get out on his own.
I certainly hope I haven't abused the theme of my response.

 

[dieseltech]

I will keep my statement simple...there are WAY worse things he could be doing.

 

[warren]

There's a justification for self-indulgence.

 

[boilermakerandy]

I will keep my statement simple...there are WAY worse things he could be doing.

That's what I'm thinking. Thank you.

 

[phred]

The OP's kid HAS a job, and is using his own money to purchase HIS OWN pipe and tobacco, according to the OP. I have no idea what the housing market is like in the OP's neighborhood, but it's gotten increasingly difficult to afford decent housing on the sort of money one can make at 17 these days, so unless the OP is going to say "I can smoke on my porch, but you can't" to his own son, I think you're being a little harsh, Warren.
But then, I don't have kids - just cats, none of whom have any interest in pipe smoking. :D

 

[adam12]

I wish my dad had been interested enough in my interests to share in them with me at that age. It left a very bitter taste in my mouth for years that he acted in a negative way about almost all the things I liked. I wished it had been different.
Here's a chance for you to be a good dad Boiler. I think there's nothing wrong with you sharing in a hobby you both enjoy now that he is old enough to do so.

 

[warren]

I wasn't my kid's friend. When she was old enough to make adult decisions and enjoy adult vices she could make those decisions. Until then I discourage things that could adversely impact her health and well being. What she did that I didn't know about, I couldn't control. At home I encouraged a healthy life style and the making of good decisions. At no time did I ever encourage her to make bad decisions. Both her mother and I, smokers both, advised her as to the down side of smoking and drinking. And to the fact that, though we smoked that didn't make it a wise choice. We discouraged the making of decisions based on the emotion "I want to" and "everybody does it." It's hard to make correct decisions sometimes, much easier to go with the flow and forget the possible consequences. Raising a kid is tough work. Making a decision based on "dad does it" is just weak thinking.
Then there is the money side. I advised "the kid" that she could certainly find better ways of spending money than giving more than necessary in taxes to the government just to watch the smoke waft away. She opted for her health and money. I'm damned proud of her for doing so in spite of the example her mother and I set. I consider it a victory!
It is always nice when a child picks a parent as a role model. When it's a dubious choice of behavior, the parent needs discourage them from following in those footsteps. She listened and learned from our bad judgement.

 

[boilermakerandy]

Warren,
I respect your sentiment and please don't take offense but I don't consider my pipe smoking to be "dubious behavior". I gave up cigarettes on July 5, 1997 when my wife was pregnant for our now 17 year old because I didn't want my kids to ever know me as a cigarette smoker as that was an example I definitely did not want to set (both of my parents were heavy cigarette smokers, it killed my dad at age 61 and my mom is now on oxygen because of advanced COPD).
I may be wrong in my thinking but I've never felt the same way about cigars and pipes and have indulged in both freely in front of my kids. I know there is a health risk but I believe it is minimal compared to cigarettes or smokeless tobacco. Hell, just getting out of bed in the morning and driving to work is probably more dangerous. My hope is he will do it for a while and lose interest and I'll buy his pipe and tobacco from him but if he doesn't that is okay too and we'll just have another hobby we can share (along with shooting, hunting, and collecting books).

 

[adam12]

I think your labeling smokin a pipe as "dubious" and confusing the kid by shunning him WHILE YOU SMOKE is a recipe for disaster with a young adult. Come on man. If you're gonna lay down the law about "the evils of pipes" then at least put down your own if it's such a negative lifestyle choice you don't want to model for your kids.
That's worse for the son than allowing him to smoke one of your pipes.

 

[warren]

Hardly! And she doesn't smoke so it worked. She learned that even adults make decisions based on self-gratification and that those decisions may be dubious, in fact detrimental to one's health. Further, she learned that such decisions should be made with the best information available. And, we we smoking which encompassed cigarettes, pipes and cigars. I chewed back then so we would even discuss that. Her decision was that she would rather spend her money on other things than tobacco products. Can't argue with results. I pointed out the chinks in my armor and she made what I consider to be a well thought out choice, not to smoke.
We smoke for self-gratification. Nothing wrong with that in and of itself. But, it's a decision that should not be made lightly and from an uniformed position.
I accept that I have made poor choices in my life, smoking is but one of them. However the enjoyment I derive from smoking out weighs my normally good judgement. When I weigh all of the money I smoked up with what I could have done other than burn it, well it's one of my few regrets. Still, I enjoy smoking and will live or die with the results. Bad reasoning but I like the results.