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tinsel

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 23, 2015
531
7
From the "pipes used" part of a review on JackKnife Plug:
"I usually smoke this with my bare hands"
:rofl:

 
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zerohunter

Starting to Get Obsessed
Feb 19, 2017
119
1
My absolute favorite review (of Gaslight, which I've still never had):
Now I've been to two church socials and a county fair, but I have never encountered a tobacco like Gaslight. When I lit up my first bowl, I wondered whether someone hadn't been storing potpourri in my meerschaum earlier in the week. That's how intensely fragrant Gaslight is. This I attribute to the Orientals, but the Orientals alone wouldn't account for the sheer intensity of flavor you encounter. It is as though Mr. Pease has devised a way to fuse together the spice and herbaciousness of Oriental varieties with the leather and tar of the Latakia, producing some spookily concentrated hybrid wholly unlike its constituent parts. While there's nothing overbearing here (the nicotine is moderate, the burn is even, and the virginias serve to temper and balance the mixture), the experience demands something like total concentration, like an organ concert in surround sound. In the tin, the two bars look at first small and unprepossessing, like a Jenny Craig dessert, albeit a bewitchingly perfumed one. Once you smoke Gaslight, however, those ingots take on a mysterious quality, as though someone informed you on good authority that they'd been quarried out of a black hole. If some tobaccos are all-day tobaccos and some are early-morning or after-dinner smokes, then Gaslight is a hold-my-calls, forward-my-mail, look-after-my-kids I'll-call-you-from-the-other- end-of-the-wormhole mixture. Did I mention that it is wonderful? Because man oh man it is.

 
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tinsel

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 23, 2015
531
7
My apologies for the block of text. There are just too many good quotes.
Makes me wanna crack open some Gaslight. Haven't had any in forever...

 

jmatt

Part of the Furniture Now
Aug 25, 2014
770
74
A review of Kendal Finest Twist Black XX:
Hello...........is there anybdoy out there? My head is spinning and I feel faint. My pants are half off, and on backwards. I have a tattoo I don't remember getting. Boy I have a bruise on my head. What has happened to me? Yes, you too can feel this way when you smoke this really strong tobacco. Stay away from this stuff if you have a heart problem. The nicotene is powerful enough to knock the steam off a mule fart.

 
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jmatt

Part of the Furniture Now
Aug 25, 2014
770
74
And my favorite, from a review of Samuel Gawith Black XX Twist:
All I know is that I loaded a group three sized bowl fully dressed and in my right mind. At the end of my smoke, I found myself clothed in nothing but my BVD's and hiding behind an avocado tree in my backyard warding off fruit rats with a pen knife.

 
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Jan 8, 2013
7,493
733
As, apparently, is the tobacco. Another reviewer called it "The lowest circle of piper's hell".
No no no... that's Captain Black Cherry.
Jmatt, the Samuel Gawith Black XX Twist review had me rolling :rofl:

 
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tinsel

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 23, 2015
531
7
OK I know this is a really long review ... but it still stands as the most hilarious one I've ever read so I'm posting it in it's entirety:
This tobacco was good so good, that it reminded me of a time long ago....
Place, Vietnam. The Year is 1965. The Month, June. Day: The 7th; AKA Day 282 in 'Nam for me. June was the rainy season for 'Nam. I had been given some leave time from my base in Saigon and so I went to explore the City, like usual, my buddies didnt get leave, but I hoped to find some more GI's in some of the local bars. It was unseasonably dry that day. No rain. It was nice for once to not deal with dagum water in the shoes. I felt good, like it was going to be a swell day; I had every reason to think so. A week before, I had killed 10 Charlie in one night. I was satisfied. And now I had leave, who could ask for anything more?
I stopped in at a bar in the East Side of Saigon called Do Phing Pan Ngo, where all the action was. The bar was bustling with GI's. Different guys trying to sweep some exotic doll off of her feet and into the bed. I had similar plans. I walked to the bar and ordered myself a tall one, ready to relax and find a target. Then it happened. She walked in lookin like something out of a dream. So gorgeous, she was with her sexy Vietnamese hips and supple behind. I knew what had to be done. I ordered another beer, and started over to her. Just before I did, some officer cut in front of me. Dam. He had beat me to the punch. I was just a lowly grunt. There was nothing that I could do. The babe started shooting me looks as the Officer was talkin her up. I knew this would be my only chance to get laid until i was sent back into the jungles to fight charlie. Charlie would always be there. This doll wouldnt. I made my move. As I did it, I felt my balls grow 3 times larger. A grunt was about to steal a woman from Officer. I approached her; didnt say a word and just took her hand and left with her, leaving the officer to shove it. I led her off to a small hotel room where we made love with out even speaking. We made love many times before the morning of the next day came, i wish I could remember the number, but I lost track after 30. I would have set a company record.
As she is there sleeping I got up to watch the sun rise over beautiful Saigon, with a gentle mist sweeping the rooftops that morning and I smoked a fat stogie in honor of my recent accomplishments. It was the most incredible feeling in the world, despite my man tool nearly falling off. The beautiful woman was still asleep after having the night of her life. I dressed, and left the room, but not before leaving her my picture so that the kid would one day know who his or her father was. And with that I left, returning to base and eventually leaving 'Nam, never to return.
Early Morning Pipe felt like that special morning in Saigon.

 
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kiel

Starting to Get Obsessed
May 27, 2016
208
2
My experience was similar to Pipestud's, only after I fell off my horse, she dropped a meadow muffin on me then kicked me a few times for good measure.
Finest Kendal Twist Black XX

 
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