A Year On The High Seas

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Preferred Member
Jun 6, 2017
As I sit here enjoying a wee bit of Black Frigate, I pause to reflect upon the journey and the adventures undertaken since climbing aboard this finest of vessels.
Occasionally, I've chronicled events of import aboard the Frigate with a verse or two and brother Anthony, once or twice, has hinted that maybe a compilation of all this drivel would be in order.
So, tonight, I have undertaken a most challenging endeavor. Using our impotent and illogical forum search function to locate as many of my ship's log entries as possible.
I've found seven. Seven songs for the seven seas! :lol:
I don't recall if there are any more, as I never kept track. So, here, in no particular order, I present:
Arrgh! Rated Exploits
Unfurl Old Roger and hoist him up high

While plumes of our crumb cake smoke rise to the sky
Lash down the main guns and sharpen ye swords

While sailing the Frigate ahead through the fjords
We puff and we tamp through the nautical miles

And through wispy smoke show our nic-laden smiles
Another pipe loaded and a hitch at the wheel

To send our doubloons off to Cornell & Diehl
The ranks of the Frigate

they swell with the tide

The young buccaneers

all wantin' a ride
Well, there's room for the masses

providing you take

a shift in the crow's nest

and bring yer own cake
We'll lower the sails

when the sunset is low

and drift through the fathoms

with our pipes a-glow
'Till we see a vessel

down-laden with gold

Then we'll lean on the tiller

and draw our steel cold
Load up the stove pipe

and touch off the charge

'till they strike the colors

on their sinking barge
And if they surrender

their treasures and stores

We'll spare them a dinghy,

Carter Hall and some oars....
When in the course of Pirate events, on this, our Patriot Day

We find ourselves beset by the hordes that come to take our cake away

Essential it is to load up the cask with powder and shot and grit

Then loosen the moorings securing the Frigate and to her resolve recommit
There's nary a harbor secure from the congress that gathers like gales on the sea

The greedy, self righteous and murderous vermin intent to subdue you and me

Surrender your briars and toss down your pouches and back to the plow and the yoke

Or brandish your blades and through their blood wade attacking the beasts 'till they croak
Gather your will and pick up your quill and give them a piece of your mind

And leave them no doubt that you are about to back up those words with behind

For freedom is earned, not given away and you owe a debt to your tots

To keep still afloat this stately old boat your fore-bearers paid for with guts.
Twas the night before Christmas and aboard the black ship

It was too freakin' cold to go for a dip
So we filled the fire barrel with junk mail and cobs

And drank Irish Coffee on a deck freshly swabbed
Our briars were packed with our favorite leaf

A billiard for me, a 904 for the chief
Rosenthal drunkenly sang us a tune

While the rest of us swaggered and howled at the moon
The junk mail and cobs made a flame that did roar

And we looked to the sky as the embers did soar
A cloud passed the moon as I tipped up my flagon

As the moon reemerged, a horse drawn wagon
Appeared in the sky along with a sound

Of jingling bells- I threw my drink down
Surely, I'm hammered, as horses don't fly

Nor drag around wagons way up in the sky
I tapped pappymac and pointed aloft

He pulled off his eye patch as he cursed and scoffed
Mayfair said, "Horses with antlers? Hell, no!

And wagons have wheels, not skids for the snow!"
Embers pulled out the ol' looking glass

And said, "It's a jolly man with a fat ass
Dressed in all red and pulled by reindeer

On a sleigh full of cargo; The whole thing is queer!"
We started to load up the cannons in case

We were assaulted by this freak from space
But, just as we opened the keg of black powder

We heard a man's voice getting closer and louder
"Ho Ho Ho, down below on the river.

I'm no invader. I'm just a gift giver.
I've been watching all of you for the whole year

You're mostly all naughty with the sex and the beer
But I've just left a place that they call D.C.

And by comparison, saints ye all be!"
He made a close pass. He just missed the mast

And onto the deck, a large sack he did cast
It burst open wide and spilled all around

And each of us wondered because we all found
A tin of our favorite weed and a pipe

Exactly like we had been wanting to swipe
As we stuffed our pockets and pipes and rejoiced

We heard again jingle bells and his voice
"Enjoy this reward, but please do recall

There's others around you with nothing at all
Don't be a dick. Be giving to others.

Even if they smoke Carter Hall, They're still brothers." :nana:
We walk with a swagger

Our nuts drag the ground

We load up our briars

and smoke by the pound
The salty spray douses

and flattens our embers

But nothing extinguishes

Frigate crew members
Just lash down the cannons

and light 'em back up

The cake in our cobs

and the grog in our cups
We'll pillage and plunder

the next ship we see'd

With treasure enough

to buy our precious weed...
We head for the coast for some turkey and wenches

And to wash up our laundry because of the stenches

We dream of the stuffing and cranberry sauce

We're tired of roasted rat and albatross
Another week's journey in front of us lies

Until we score eggnog and fresh pumpkin pies

And loosen the buttons on our pantaloons

To make way for girth added on with our spoons
A norther has blown for the last several days

And the vanishing larder lends a tone of malaise

Everyone jealously guards the small tins

That hold the remains of the crumble kake in
A small open vessel has given us chase

A crazy old bastard with ice on his face

Instead of a ship's wheel, he has handlebars

And a triple 8 flag riding high on the spars
Duane cuts the wheel and Hap reefs the sails

While I fill the cannon with lead and pipe nails

Rosenthal calls to the now halted rig,

"State your intent or dance the hempen jig!"
"I mean you no harm. I'm half froze to death."

We followed the billows he made with his breath

"They tell me the Frigate be takin' on hands

And sailing off smartly to faraway lands."
He boarded the vessel with a cob and a tin

We knew right away he'd likely fit in

Anthony broke out our best cleaning fluid

His training assigned to mate prariedruid
We all resumed stations, re-hoisted the sails

As visions of unicorns danced on the rails

The Cap'n regained our course on the wheel

We resumed our pursuit of a holiday meal
It's hot as hell and we all smell like ass

There's albatross shit on the deck and the mast

The Beekeeper's Friend supply's getting low

Barnacles thick, so the ship's moving slow
We're down to the last crumble cake in the tin

The rats in the larder are all looking thin

There's no wind to push and no hands on the oars

We're tripping o'er piles of Sav 904's
The Cap'n retired below with a bark,

"Don't knock on me door or you're feedin' the shark!"

We haven't seen land nor a barge one to take

We're moving so slow, we're casting no wake
Just as the sun drops closer to night

The man in the crow's nest shouts, "I see a light!"

Rosenthal grabs the spyglass and he scans

"Port side!" he shouts, "A boat and a man!"
Necks are all craning and lining the rail

The tiniest breeze grabs ahold of the sail

"Spin to!" shouts ol' Embers emerging on deck

We bear down and turn for the small floating wreck
"Where be you going and who do you be?",

we shouted. The man said, "Me name's Olkofri!"

"Been drifting for days since me schooner was sunk."

"All I have left is me pipe and this trunk."
We hauled him aboard and heard his sad tale

How an old mine had blasted his vessel's gunwale.

"All I could salvage was this here old crate

full cleaning supplies and a nice crumble cake."
"Well you'll need a lift, then, and we need a mate.

If you open that trunk, then we'll get you a plate.

There's quarters below and roast rat on the spit.

Upnorth1 just finished them up on the pit."
The cloud of despair dissipated by dark

And no one was offered as food for the shark.

The pipes were all glowing and spirits restored

And that's how we welcomed Olkofri aboard.
Bonus: Just stumbled on to #8
Up in the nest on a near moonless night

With barely a twinkle of heavenly light

A slow breeze was pushing The Frigate ahead

The crew mostly sleepin', snores wakin' the dead
A splash off the bow and the clank of some gear

cut through the thick fog and tickled me ear

I dashed for the lantern and cast out a beam

Callin' for eyes from what's left of the team
"Something's a splashin' not far off port side"

I said as the lantern beam swept side to side

We spotted an eyeball, and then a whole head

attached to a body hard workin' to tread
The water in which he was merciless stuck

Gaspin' and flailin', almost out of luck

We tossed out a rope and then drew it back

Till our soggy new friend was sprawled on the deck
His pipe was a wretched mess filled with seaweed

We knew right away what this fellow would need

"Go wake up the Cap'n and bring this lad back

A piece of the cake from the Frigate that's Black"
Scrape out the algae and pack up his briar

Then give him a tamper and a wee bit o' the fire"

The fragrant clouds wafted from bow back to stern

the fellow grew stronger the more the cake burned
"What have we here?" says Captain C. Embers,

"Who's swimming the channel this late in November?"

"A surfer he said? Are we hearing him right?

Who waxes their board at this time of night?"
He shook his head quickly and then did explain

"It's not an S-U, but C-E in my name.

It's CERFER, not SURFER and, now that I've had

Some Frigate to smoke, I might like to add
Myself to this motley crew floating abroad,

As soon as I'm dried and me fingers is thawed."

Anthony gave him a spatula and bunk

The rest of the crew lit up and got drunk...



Preferred Member
Jan 8, 2013
Yes!!! I just reread the first two :) Will read the rest when I wake in the morning before work. You're a genius with the word, my friend.


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Nov 27, 2018
Now, what I want to know is, does the Black Frigate carry Letters of Marque? Or are you guys all running the risk of being hanged at the yardarm upon capture?



Preferred Member
Jan 8, 2013
I loved reading these again. It's always a little something special and fun added to a thread. Thanks for re-posting these, Jay! :clap:



Preferred Member
Feb 21, 2013
I may have to take Sunday afternoon to steep on this one. Sounds a little like Operation Market Time on the USS Gallant, MSO 489, running patrols off the mouth of the Cue Viet River just south of the DMZ in 1970. I believe the US Navy somewhat forgot we were there, except they kept sending out big old oilers for underway replenishment when we provided the sailor power to haul goods across on lines and pulleys. The power winch was too likely to catch someone's arm or leg and take it off. Step lively there matey. I always get a kick out of the clothing retailer "Old Navy," which always makes me exclaim, "I was in the old Navy!" People look a little bewildered.



Preferred Member
Jun 6, 2017
GI grits and GI gravy.
GI wish I'd joined the navy!
We are going through the Monty Python's Flying Circus series on Netflix, my first time seeing most of it.
Last night they had a skit with the "Bournemouth Gynecologists vs the Watford Long John Silver Impersonators" in a soccer match. I almost fell off my chair, as the LCS Impersonators just stood there on peglegs saying, "Arrgh" as the "doctors" literally ran circles around them.
I imagine a morning of the Frigate after a long party yielding a similar scenario....



Preferred Member
Dec 12, 2016
I must get my hands on some of this Black Frigate thing, I see it does wonders in as far as creation for some.


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