Views from Older Gents on Sex, Love, and Relationships in the 21st Century

[Sloopjohnbee]

EDIT: Fixed Capitalization in Title (See Rule 9)

I was looking for some wisdom from older men to a somewhat younger guy like myself on what you make of love and sex in today's craz (ier) world?
How it differs from when you were younger etc
The reason I ask is now that I'm approaching consistent point in my manhood - I'd like some various opinions
I've never met the right gal and now it seems even more difficult to even get into whatever exists of a 'dating' scene
People have been belittling me for years for not being married - as if there is something wrong with me - Orson Welles once mentioned the days of 'happy uncles and normalcy in being a bachelor'
But as you know(at least for me) us men have our needs and I'd like to find some kind of consistency with another person
As for love I still believe in it - call me a romantic - But I am not completely against the idea of casual encounters and sex as a part of life if I address it directly. I always assumed that even in marriage as a man grows old the sex becomes secondary albeit a focal point of the
'dirty old man'
what do y'all think? Feel free to vent/deviate

 

[mso489]

As a generality, I don't think guys get much help even from dads, adult mentors, and especially not their peers. So your inquiry isn't unfounded. Not knowing you, I can't give you any grounded advice. Human connections should be human connections, which doesn't always concur with hormones. You gain a lot "meeting someone" around common interests; if you share intense activities, your ability to share other intense activities greatly improves. You gotta share humor if at all possible, and basic values, and all that has to be talked and figured out. Some differences are good too, on both sides, so you can fill in where the other person isn't adept. Out of the blue, that's about as far as I can go. Take it slow. Don't accept other peoples' judgments as your own, or as good examples necessarily. I know a number of people who are happily unattached into their sixties or seventies, so that is fine, if you are happy and productive and like people otherwise. You are probably just fine as you are, and if you can accept that, you may go on to form an attachment.

 

[donjgiles]

Two things I think you should keep on your mind at all times, confidence and respect.
Have confidence in yourself, but be kind and thoughtful. There is not enough kindness in this world today, have it start with you. Have complete and total respect for any woman you may meet. Be a gentleman, be confident, take care of yourself and be kind.
My 2 cents...

 

[mawnansmiff]

There's as much chance of Prince Andrew visiting the States for a holiday as there is of me ever having any rumpy pumpy again.....and I'm 'only' 58!

Some things in life are best accepted no matter how much it might hurt.

Just my tuppence worth ?

Regards,

Jay.?

 

[warren]

With regard to finding an acceptable "companion." Success will be determined on where you look. The angst you exhibit is nothing different than men and women has experienced through the ages.

My input is, you are way too concerned with what others think of you and your life choices. But, turning to us, whom you really do not know, and soliciting our opinions speaks volumes. You need, my opinion based strictly on what you write, is to develop a bit of self-confidence. If you aren't happy, make changes. Maybe consider some professional assistance.

You asked!

PS

Locate the "period" key on your keyboard. Use of it will make your writing much easier for we, your target audience, to read and perhaps better understand. On my "qwerty" it is right next to the "question mark" which you have, apparently, successfully located.

 

[agnosticpipe]

 

[Casual]

Make yourself into the best version of yourself. Make yourself into the kind of man that is admired by the kind of woman you want to be with.

 

[jaytex1969]

There are only two things you need to know about women.

 

[jaytex1969]

No one knows either of them.

 

[Sloopjohnbee]

Very Interesting at the very least - again, I'm just a bit depressed due to this lockdown stuff and the rough year but this made me happy

 

[hoosierpipeguy]

My recommendation is if you find a lady who, if she were a male, would be your best friend, may her. It would help if she's also a swallower. I wouldn't give any thought to others opinions on the matter. Better to to happy single than miserably married.

 

[georged]

All animals, humans included, evolve to have behaviors, attributes, and characteristics that best serve species survival.

The end.

Any attempt to reconcile modern life with what we were designed for is basically willful self delusion. When it comes to reproduction-related behaviors, doubly so.

Put another way, Mother Nature equipped us both physically and psychologically to best survive and reproduce in the Savannah-like environment of western Africa. What that resulted in is what that resulted in. That's how evolution works.

My point? Ignoring that reality is as foolish as ignoring gravity because you don't like it.

The only way to have a meaningful and lost-lasting relationship in today's world is to not only understand the biological mechanisms in play, but keep them in mind at every decision point.

If a man and a woman both truly grasp this, they have a good chance of succeeding. They will anticipate, understand, adjust, compensate, and forgive accordingly.

If a man and a woman "believe that the power of love will conquer all," though, the only thing they'll manage to do is create a baby. Which is exactly why Mother Nature plays the brain chemistry sleight-of-hand mind games she does when it somes to sex. To her---meaning to our DNA---nothing else matters.

 

[Country Bladesmith]

I found my wife when I was pretty young (19), but I found her after I had broken up with a girl, was frustrated, and basically just said “to hell with it, I’m not dating anyone else for a while.” People always say you find your significant other when you quit looking for them. I don’t think there’s anything magical in that scenario, other than I think you are more relaxed, more nonchalant, and more yourself, when you are not really trying. I think that’s what makes the difference.

 

[lraisch]

I was 20 and she was 18 when we married. Now, some 50 years later, we're still in love, still married still enjoying all of our time together if you know what I mean.

I do believe that I and probably most people are better as a couple. As was so well put to "fill in where the other isn't adept".

If you do meet someone that you want to stay with, always keep in mind what attracted you to them in the first place. Never let anger or disdain ruin a good relationship, for scorn is the death of love.

 

[Sloopjohnbee]

really great stuff gentlemen!

 

[hawky454]

Personally I’m sex positive (sounds like an std). I am 40 years old now though so I don’t know how much my advice counts but when I get into romantic situations (did the poly thing for a year... hints why I’ve been absent here as of late) we always do lab tests before we get intimate. In fact, I think the poly community probably has the safest sex that I’ve ever experienced, before experimenting in the poly community I have never had a partner ask me to do lab work before we got busy.

Marriage is not for me and I’m finally okay with that (took me two tries before I figured that out), ethical non-monogamy, albeit very fun, is not for me either. After a year of that it’s time for me to take a break from the dating scene but when I return to it I will be seeking a traditional monogamous relationship... dating one woman is hard enough! I do love the company of a woman though, they always make me want to be a better man.

I was very pressured into marriage at an early age, please don’t succumb to the pressures of marriage if you truly aren’t feeling it... it works for some people and that’s great but it certainly isn’t for everyone.

We are sexual creatures by nature so if you are safe and you are engaging in consensual sex than I say have fun with it mate, it’s a great part of being human!

 

[pipestud]

Now this is an interesting thread!

I can only offer my experience. I married for the first time at age 30 and it lasted 10 years.
I married the second time at age 50 and it has been going strong for 20 years. I never knew what I was missing until I married that country gal. My advice, marry a country gal and keep the Lord at the center of your relationship. I'm blessed so far beyond what I deserve with my gal that it ain't even funny.

When we were dating she gave me a pipe and tobacco for Christmas. That's when I knew that I'd do all that I could to marry that gal.

PS... she smokes a pipe on occasion with me.

 

[workman]

I live in a small country with close family ties and lots of possibilities to interact with people through various communities, like neighbourhood, work, sports, social events and so on.
I am not very good at the game of flirting and seducing, but I have always found it possible to get contact with women. Sometimes even forming relationships.
I believe that communication, respect and sharing the workload are essential to a relationship. When those things work, sex should come naturally.
Also worth mentioning is that relationships are hard. It takes a lot of work and conscious effort to make a relationship work. You need to try and repress all your selfish and aggressive impulses and try to be generous and forgiving. She has to do the same.
Also: when your sex life is good, it amounts to 10% of the relationship.
When it's bad, it's 90%.

PS: I haven't got a clue about Tinder or dating or stuff like that. I've never been on a date. I'm married. Twice.

 

[workman]

I should add that my wife also shares a pipe with me sometimes.

 

[hawky454]

Now this is an interesting thread!

I can only offer my experience. I married for the first time at age 30 and it lasted 10 years.
I married the second time at age 50 and it has been going strong for 20 years. I never knew what I was missing until I married that country gal. My advice, marry a country gal and keep the Lord at the center of your relationship. I'm blessed so far beyond what I deserve with my gal that it ain't even funny.

When we were dating she gave me a pipe and tobacco for Christmas. That's when I knew that I'd do all that I could to marry that gal.

PS... she smokes a pipe on occasion with me.

View attachment 37341

Great picture! How’d you end up with her you lucky dog you!