I’ve been procrastinating terribly when it comes to writing about the pipe rack my wife commissioned as a gift for my fiftieth birthday. I wanted to write a glowing encomium about it, something I’m generally quite good at. But I’ve been putting it off too long, and what I had begun composing, more than once, quickly sounded overblown and pretentious. And I don’t want to do that.

Honestly, I’m at a loss for words. Just look at this pipe rack. It’s a thing of beauty. (Note: my pictures do not do it justice. At all.)

(front view)

I had long lusted for a Two Cousins pipe rack. They are, after all, makers of the most awesome pipe racks on the planet. My wife had already contacted Tim, one of the two cousins, about commissioning a rack for my birthday. After some initial identity confusion (which must have convinced Tim that his new clients were released a bit too early from the nuthouse), he wanted to know from me how I wanted it customized. I sent him a color scheme and some notes about the front-panel painting. They got to work on it right away — indeed they were generous enough to fit me into their busy holiday schedule, and they worked hard to get it done and shipped in time for my birthday.

(side view)

When I saw Tim’s initial painting of the front panel it was quite nice, but not what I wanted. I mean, it was a fine enough landscape, but after seeing his paintings, I knew that I had found the perfect painter for what I wanted. I mean, he’s a professional artist! He makes a living from his paintings! When I saw his work I was extremely impressed. I have an advanced degree in art (not that that means anything, but I do know something about art), and I really liked what I saw. Who knew? I initially thought he and his cousin just made beautiful pipe racks. But no, I had serendipitously stumbled upon a genuine artist whose talent and subject matter I appreciate tremendously!

So there was no way I was going to settle for a standard, pedestrian, non-descript landscape, no matter how lovely it was. I had to have a genuine Tim Crowder painting on that panel.

He was reluctant to do it for me, since, as he says, this wasn’t intended to be an original work of art but a decoration. But this was for a major milestone birthday of an art lover, and if there was any artist who could paint for me a work that captured my moniker Sinister Topiary in a way that I’d appreciate, it was Tim. I mean, look at his work, look at his sense of humor, look at his execution. This guy is a genuine American folk artist, one who has his own folksy surrealistic Magritte thing going on in a rural American idiom, with an easy sense of humor that’s impeccably dry, ironic and subtly dark — just my kind of humor!; plus, I appreciate a folk artist who’s not afraid to occasionally play with the context of the medium itself (eg: the way he scratches contextually jarring outlines on the surface of the painting). I felt that our sensibilities shared a similar wavelength.

No, I had to have him make this panel an original work of art, not just some decorative landscape. So I wasn’t just commissioning a pipe rack, now I was commissioning an original painting from a talented, professional painter, one I respect and admire. Such a request would increase the cost of the commission fourfold. Well, so be it! I collect art (when I have the money), and having an original painting done in this fashion would be a unique treasure, and a genuine heirloom.

When I finally opened the huge package two weeks after having received it (I had to first cross the border with it; then, since it was so close to xmas, I figured I’d wait a few more days), I was immensely pleased. It was exactly what I wanted. And that’s no small thing, since I had very high expectations!

There was only one flaw, but it was not in any way due to the two cousins. The piperack was wrapped extremely well, and shipped with a great deal of care. However, it must have been dropped, since the base was slightly cracked and some torsion twisted the base a bit so the bottom panel wouldn’t close properly. This was most unfortunate, but I wasn’t going to let this have any effect on my enjoyment and appreciation of this wonderful gift. My wife and I gingerly twisted and tweaked the unit until we fixed the torsion enough to be able to close the panel, and now it closes fine. However, the cracks are still there, but you have to look for them to see them. When we find a cabinet maker who can fix it we’ll do it then, but I’m in no hurry.

(panels opened)

And the painting! I couldn’t be happier! You can see it’s title in the upper left: Happy Day in a Sinister World. See the three sinister topiaries, and the little house, and the threatening sky? Perfect, just perfect. I knew Tim would paint something that captures just the mood and theme I wanted, and he did it. Wow.

(Happy Day in a Sinister World)

I give my heartfelt thanks and appreciation to my wife for commissioning this wonderful treasure, and to the Two Cousins for their exceptional craftsmanship, artistry, professionalism, and customer service. I especially want to thank Tim Crowder for his generosity and willingness to create just the work of art I wanted from him. They really went all out to make this the best fiftieth birthday present I could have hoped for. And it is.

(in its place of honor)

(Here’s the piperack in its context in my study, in its place of honor beneath my favorite fiction.)