Your Advice, please

I have a dilemma and I'm curious as to what my friends on the forums think I should do.
As I was growing up in the 1960s and 70s my family spent a lot of time with another family; the parents were school friends of my Mum and Dad. The children are all adults now, but the parents are still friends and see one another fairly regularly. The father of the other family, John, is my brother's Godfather and for many years he made it his duty to be unpleasant to me, putting me down at every opportunity and taking Greg's side whenever possible. So far, so petty. In those days you took what you were given by adults and sucked it up. As we grew up I increasingly just cut John, until at my parents 50th Wedding bash a year ago I was able to show him a cold face, despite them being on our table at the lunch.
However...John is a piper. He has smoked his full bent Petersons (he's Irish) for longer than I've been alive. A combination of the enjoyment I get from our hobby - largely fostered by this site and the members - and a mellowing as I get older pushes me to reach out to John and make amends before he dies. John is in his 80s and so time is limited. I have thought of contacting his wife to find out what John smokes and sending him a peace offering. What do you guys think? Is this appropriate? Is there something else I could/should do? I welcome your thoughts and advice.
Thank you. Andy

Oldreddog posted:
I would think Andy that the above shows the type of person that you have become since childhood. It seems apparent to me that you have the ability to leave the past in the past, sadly many do not.
Do as you suggest, and send John something. If the onset of his own mortality has not mellowed him and he rebuffs your gesture, at least you will know that he has not grown emotionally and still clutches to whatever past venom he had toward you.
In that case you have proven your kindness and lost nothing. On the other hand if John is open to your gesture it may bring him some comfort and perhaps show up his wrong doing to you and perhaps ask himself some questions of his own behavior.
I wish you well whatever you decide to do and admire your compassionate motivations.
David

Klause posted:
Andy, for what its worth, mate, I'd find out what he smokes, or likes, and go have a smoke with him.
People do all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. And they change as they grow old.
Even if the gent doesn't appreciate what you are doing (I reckon he will, y'know), you will, at least, feel so much better for having done the right thing. The very fact you are considering this tells me this is the thing to do.
Good luck with it.

Gentlemen - and I use that word deliberately - thank you so much for your sound thoughts, advice and kind words. As many of you have said, at a second glance my proposed gesture is not pure altruism; part of the reason for wanting to reach out to John is to get some closure for myself. In answer to @smorgdonkey, John did try to start a conversation with me at the anniversary celebration, but I brushed him off. That is not the man I want to be. I think it likely that John doesn't realise the lasting memories his treatment created and it's up to me to reach out to him. The object is not to rake over old coals, but to build a bridge over them. I'll find out what John smokes and send him some with my best wishes - we'll see what happens then. Thanks again guys!
Andy