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YOU: Stranded On A Deserted Island w/ 1 Pipe and 1 Mixture

(138 posts)
  • Started 3 months ago by shermnatman
  • Latest reply from shermnatman
  1. shermnatman

    shermnatman

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    josephcross - Nope, you are shipwrecked - the sole survivor - and stranded on a deserted island; so no, no one else. See the OP for the full details of the hypothetical. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 3 months ago #
  2. brian64

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    Better order, throw MaryAnn to the sharks to have peace and quiet and more time to smoke.

    Dude...not MaryAnn dude...that's like, really cold-blooded...it must just be the Black Frigate talking.

    Maybe you should hit on the banana blend for a while.

    “Bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” – George Carlin
    Posted 3 months ago #
  3. chasingembers

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    Dude...not MaryAnn dude...that's like, really cold-blooded...it must just be the Black Frigate talking.

    Nope, just prefer alcohol and tobacco to feminine company.

    Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you.
    -Edward Teach
    Posted 3 months ago #
  4. brian64

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    ^ Maybe you could just hypnotize her...seemed to work well for the Professor:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naJpQs7xZhU

    Posted 3 months ago #
  5. shermnatman

    shermnatman

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    Brian - Perhaps the Professor could explain what laws of physics are at work that causes a pipers ability to taste what he is smoking to be instantly and completely nullified by the sound of a female yakking away. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 3 months ago #
  6. brooklynpiper

    brooklynpiper

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    I would bring with me a Vauen Auenland and Lane 1Q - something very accessible for newbies to get behind. I would befriend the local natives of the island with these and convert them to Christianity. I would then have them hand over any ritualistic/ceremonial drugs and do them myself as I wait for rescue.

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    k9shag

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    Castello Hawk Bill and Red Ribbon.

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    aldecaker

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    "I would befriend the local natives of the island with these and convert them to Christianity"

    Some guy tried that recently on North Sentinel Island. Didn't seem to take.

    A man who serves his country is a patriot. A man who serves his government is an employee. The two are not always the same thing.
    Posted 2 months ago #
  9. davet

    davet

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    Blatter & Blatter bent bulldog and Peterson 3P's

    Posted 2 months ago #
  10. shermnatman

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    Brooklynpiper - You are shipwrecked and stranded on a deserted island - meaning there are no other people on the island.

    The only thing you might have to talk to is a bunch of coconuts... or some of the colorful and exotic birds; however, I would not talk to the birds, they are known to lie. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 2 months ago #
  11. brian64

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    @Sherm: This is like herding cats. Maybe you should just say anyone who can't follow the rules with their first post automatically gets assigned CB Grape and a poorly drilled Peterson on an island with no coconuts.

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    bent1

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    ....thinking about the movie ‘All About Eve’.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  13. puffnstuff

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    Okay...I'm in....

    Pipe-
    My old Paronelli bent rusticated bulldog that I had for years and gave to someone I thought would appreciate it and did'nt!!! Would love to have that one back!

    Tobacco-
    Original Amphora Brown

    "An expert is someone who who knows more and more about less and less, until they eventually know everything about nothing"
    Posted 2 months ago #
  14. lifesizehobbit

    lifesizehobbit

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    I'm selecting my Rick Black Morta beefy rhodesian. Great dimensions, easy to pocket and smokes well for any blend I've tried.

    Glad that chest is well stocked, because it seems I've come across the last surviving batch of Frog Morton On The Town...and it's mine, mine, all mine...

    Dave "Black Frigate Stowaway"
    Posted 2 months ago #
  15. shermnatman

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    Brian64 - So if I understand your thinking... that would make them all have to share the same small 6 foot diameter deserted island, and the only thing to smoke would be endless amounts of CB Grape, smoked out of ONE poorly-drilled Peterson - which they would have to somehow share and rotate with an old conch shell - AND they would also have to "share and rotate" amongst themselves, the only girl on the island: Mrs. Howell. LOL!

    Nowhere I'd want to be... sounds like a fitting fate, I would say. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 2 months ago #
  16. mothernaturewilleatusallforbreakfast

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    My JT Cooke filled with Penzance. One pipe, one mixture. I've turned a corner.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  17. johnbrody15

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    I think I'd go with my Savinelli Pipa because it was my first "expensive" pipe and has sentimental value. I would carve a little face in it, and talk to it. I'd probably open the chest and there would be endless Frog Morton. I think I could smoke that every day and not get tired of it.

    Would I eventually find a hatch on the island, and would I need to be concerned with the island's electromagnetic properties?

    Posted 2 months ago #
  18. brian64

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    @Sherm: lol, That's actually much worse than I was imagining...sounds like it must be the same hell you mentioned Rickles was stuck in. No wonder they're heckling him.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  19. shermnatman

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    JohnBrody15 - Mr. Rod Serling found your idea of carving a face into your pipe highly imaginative, resourceful, and quite in keeping with the wonders found in The Twilight Zone; therefore, he has asked me to inform you, that yes, the face which you carved into your pipe does indeed become animated, and, will, besides keeping you company during your stay on your island, provide you alternately with learned guidance, entertaining stories, wise and sympathetic counsel, or off-color puns; as it suits your needs.

    The only caveat is that this only occurs when you have smoked far too much Frog Morton in one session... but hey, you have an endless supply which can never run out, and all the time in the world to try to smoke it up - Sherm Natman

    Brian64 - Yes, I suppose it; and it is even worse for poor old Don Rickles, as he never knew the joy of smoking a pipe. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    kimbiker

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    Stanwell Royal Guard 185, Gawith Hoggarth No. 7 broken flake and 10,000 9mm filters.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  21. lifesizehobbit

    lifesizehobbit

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    "The only caveat is that this only occurs when you have smoked far too much Frog Morton in one session..."

    Hey wait! Is that really a thing?

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    celticbrewer

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    Rich dark flake and a good rhodesian and I can sit anywhere (island including) for a long time

    Posted 2 months ago #
  23. lawdawg

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    I'd probably take a Missouri Meerschaum cob (one of the Washington models in a year where the corncobs were big and thick) and Lane Ready Rubbed. I select this combo because its an easy-going smoke, and you smoke the heck out of corncobs for quite a while before they go sour.

    HOWEVER, if I was stranded indefinitely for a period exceeding a month or more, I'd probably take my rusticated Savinelli with the tall bowl and Capstan Blue, for a more durable pipe and a more complex tobacco, though smoked less frequently due to the briar pipe rather than a cob.

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    celticbrewer

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    @lawdawg - thats definitely my workshop combo for putzing around the garage (RR and a cob)!

    Posted 2 months ago #
  25. lawdawg

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    @lawdawg - thats definitely my workshop combo for putzing around the garage (RR and a cob)!

    Same here! Putzing around my workshop, fishing, canoeing, sitting on the patio in the summer around the fire and having drinks, or whenever I just want a good lazy low-effort smoke.

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    dunnyboy

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    Drucquer Trafalgar in a Dunhill 4407 root briar prince.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  27. jrenko

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    Frog Morton and apple by Former.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  28. johnbrody15

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    @shermnatman, so it is possible that my talking pipe would be wise enough to direct me in how to make a boat from coconuts and bamboo? Although if this were the Twilight Zone there would need to be some serious irony somewhere.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  29. chasingembers

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    Although if this were the Twilight Zone there would need to be some serious irony somewhere

    The irony comes into play that it was the significant other sending you on the trip to make you miserable. Turns out, that without them, you're sublimely happy on the island alone with your pipe and tobacco.

    Posted 2 months ago #
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    redone

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    Fun thread. I’d take a bent egg Meer and Luxury Bullseye Flake.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  31. johnbrody15

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    The irony comes into play that it was the significant other sending you on the trip to make you miserable. Turns out, that without them, you're sublimely happy on the island alone with your pipe and tobacco.

    I like it. Happy ending. I've got an endless supply of FM and no one to complain about my smoking. Unless the pipe starts to complain about it. Then I've got problems lol

    Posted 2 months ago #
  32. shermnatman

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    johnbrody15 - LOL! Good one! A verbally-abusive talking pipe to keep you company on a deserted island... watch, as slowly the kindly face your carved into your pipe, slowly morphs into the face of your ex, or your mother-in-law... and will not stop badgering you.

    Now THAT would be ironic.

    What to do? You can either throw the pipe into the ocean to be rid of the offensive and vile thing, but then you have nothing to smoke your tabak out of; or, you keep the evil thing around, put up with the abuse, but you get to keep smoking while silently cursing to yourself... sort of like marriage LOL! - Sherm Natman

    Posted 2 months ago #
  33. chasingembers

    Embers

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    then you have nothing to smoke your tabak out of

    Well, if it is The Twilight Zone, Stan Laurel solved that dilema.

    https://youtu.be/rqL7WN9T7-s

    Posted 2 months ago #
  34. johnbrody15

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    lol @ Laurel and Hardy and the word "dame." I love the ol timey words. Great thread too btw.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  35. foggymountain

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    Since I can't smoke tobacco any more, I would prefer a bong and some good w..d.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  36. skeeter456

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    Chris morgans bones dublat and some frog mortons cellar or black frigate.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  37. shermnatman

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    Skeeter456 - There no "OR" option in the hypothetical; from the OP: "The contents are dry and well-packed. Inside you find only pounds and pounds of ONE Tobacco Mixture...". Please commit to one tobacco for us. Thanks. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 2 months ago #
  38. diamondback

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    Honestly, I’d be happy with a cob (has to have a Forever Stem) and Peter Stokkebye’s 312 Toasted Burley.

    “Well, I can’t cure death. This is bad, Morty. You’re trapped in a dead man. Listen, if the situation keeps darkening, do yourself a favor and pop by Pirates of the Pancreas. Obviously I’m biased, but I think it’s great, Morty. It’s a bunch of *belches* pirates running around a *belches* pancreas. We don’t whitewash it, either, Morty. I mean, the pirates are really rapey.” - Rick & Morty
    Posted 2 months ago #
  39. ashdigger

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    I'm amending my list. I want whatever Shackleton was smoking and whatever he was smoking it with.

    Ubi Ignis Est?
    Posted 2 months ago #
  40. odobenus

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    Margate in my Rattray's Bog Oak pot/billiard. The morta will allow me to smoke and smoke and smoke until my tongue falls off, and the acrylic stem will endure the elements for longer. Big chamber = easy to clean. Stout shank = durable. When it dies, so must I.

    Non Serviam
    Posted 2 months ago #
  41. tulsagentleman

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    Lane BCA in my Peterson 302. That's what's in my profile photo.

    Posted 2 months ago #
  42. orlandofurioso

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    Jesse,

    Who the f..k is MaryAnn ? Shagging Jane will do for me Old Boy Tarzan.

    What was Shackleton smoking ? I need to know !!!

    My worn Dunhill Shell LB with prolonged stem and MF original.

    Sorry to disappopint you all

    Posted 2 months ago #
  43. orlandofurioso

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    That is a darn good idea too Foggy .
    How are you ?

    Posted 2 months ago #
  44. aro222

    aro222

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    Think I’d take these...

    Keep calm...smoke a pipe.
    Posted 2 months ago #
  45. shermnatman

    shermnatman

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    Aro222 - That looks good with the pic! - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  46. aro222

    aro222

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    Ya one of fav’s now. Smokey goodness

    Posted 1 month ago #
  47. tabakpfeife

    tabakpfeife

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    Any Julius Vesz pipe and Dunbar. Also a satellite phone.

    Posted 1 month ago #
  48. acidpox

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    Dreams of Kadath and my semi-churchwarden Nording, it's a perfect match. Well for me anyway.

    Posted 1 month ago #
  49. shermnatman

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    Tabakpfeife - Okay, The Twilight Zone grants your "Extend-O-Wish" to include inside the wax-sealed chest the Satellite Phone you envisioned.

    HOWEVER, being The Twilight Zone, the phone you receive has a broken microphone and no texting capabilities for that matter, making out-going communications impossible. Additionally, the phone itself seems to have an unending supply of power, and rings continually day-and-night (with no volume nor off-switch) where automated "Robo-Calls", offer you to qualify for a low-interest business loan, when you own no such business; and therefore, destroys your ability to enjoy your Julius Vesz pipe and Dunbar in the former peace and serenity of the deserted island.

    Moral of the story?

    Never look gift wax-sealed chest in the mouth when stranded on a deserted island, in The Twilight Zone - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  50. shermnatman

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    Acidpox - You did me in with that pic... I want that pipe! - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  51. acidpox

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    I love that pipe, I got in on sale from smokingpipes for 50 dollars. Plus it's not super heavy so I can clench it if needed.

    Posted 1 month ago #
  52. shermnatman

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    Acicpox - That pipe is literally calling me. I checked them out at SP; I just wish they had a fully-rusticated like yours in-stock. I am going to pull the trigger and get one anyway. What is the length?

    Problem is, now I either have to buy 2, or order $50 more stuff to get the Free Shipping.... Hmm, more pipes or more tabak... life choices! - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  53. acidpox

    acidpox

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    Here is the link to the exact one I own if you would like to check out the specs on mine.

    Nording Valcano

    Posted 1 month ago #
  54. shermnatman

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    Acidpox - Thanks so much for the link and specs; now I want that pipe even more! LOL!

    I spoke with Cassie at SP, she says they get shipments from Nording come in about every 2 months, and their last shipment came in last week; so it looks like it is going to be a looong wait for me to see if they get that model back in.

    I love everything about that pipe, and the combo of the CW stem and the volcano shaped bowl is really cool; I think H.P. Lovecraft would approve! - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  55. chuckyeageronlsd

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    For the mixture I'll have a blonde and a brunette, not sure what the pipe is for though.

    Seriously, I'd be happy with a McClelland english and something metal. My luck I'd break something not metal and would be like a Twilight Zone episode.

    Posted 1 month ago #
  56. shermnatman

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    Chuckyeageronlsd - You're off to a good start; HOWEVER, you need to commit to one specific pipe and one specific mixture by naming them here. Choose carefully... You're going to be on that deserted island for quite some time. - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  57. weezell

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    Since I can't smoke tobacco any more, I would prefer a bong and some good w..d.
    GO Foggy!!...

    "the weez"...
    Posted 1 month ago #
  58. dethmutt

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    Ennerdale or Bosun in a Sav 320 Bianca

    Posted 1 month ago #
  59. shermnatman

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    Dethmutt - The chest will give you an endless supply of one tabak - but only one - while you are marooned on the deserted island; so there is no "or" option in the situation.

    Please stand before the chest, open it, with your cold and empty Sav 320 Bianca in hand, look deep inside the chest, and tell us the one tabak which you find inside... Choose carefully, as that mixture will be keeping you company on the deserted island day after day after day after day.

    Thanks - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #
  60. rfernand

    r

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    Dunhill 4101 and Prince Albert.

    Do I get pipe cleaners too? If not, a cob.

    Dunhill will return.
    Posted 1 month ago #
  61. shermnatman

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    R - If you scroll back up to the OP, there you will find the full hypothetical and all the details concerning your situation and supplies. - Sherm Natman

    PS - I really like your avatar of the smoking Bulldog!

    Posted 1 month ago #
  62. redglow

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    I've got an idea for the next "stranded" scenario once this one is played out.

    YOU: Broken down at a defunct rest area on a rarely travelled desert highway and all you have are six chicken McNuggets that you bought back in Reno, a half a roll of toilet paper and a worn out pair of Birkenstock "mandles". Things are looking pretty bleak until you...... (fill in the blank)

    Posted 1 month ago #
  63. rfernand

    r

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    @shermnatman - whoops. Screw the cob then.

    Posted 1 month ago #
  64. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    Things are looking pretty bleak until you...... (fill in the blank)

    ...wake up to find that you had fell asleep in the subway and you were using a discarded old shoe as a pillow that smelled like patchouli.

    Michael
    Posted 1 month ago #
  65. rfernand

    r

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    Things are looking pretty bleak until you......

    ......run into G. L. Pease.

    Posted 1 month ago #
  66. dethmutt

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    HAHAHA ok ok Bosun! my apologies!

    Posted 1 month ago #
  67. didimauw

    didimauw

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    My stanwell 240, and briar fox. After 3 bowls in a row, I started getting glassy eyed and all smiley. Good stuff.

    "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
    Posted 1 month ago #
  68. shermnatman

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    Detmutt and R - Good job! But, wow, that was a close-call.

    You know what happens in The Twilight Zone when people don't follow the Trick of the Tale correctly?

    That's when "Billy" shows up, and sends you to that special deserted island which is only 6 feet in diameter at low-tide, the sea chest contains only Captain Black Grape, and one pipe with a somewhat broken stem which you two would have to share. The only so-called "source of comfort" would be your island-mate, Mrs. Howell, which like the broken-stem pipe, you two would also have to "rotate" between the two of you.

    It's never good in The Twilight Zone when "Billy" shows up.

    I'm pleased you two escaped him... this time. So please tread carefully while in The Twilight Zone - Sherm Natman

    Posted 1 month ago #

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