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zanthal

zanthal

Lifer
Dec 3, 2011
1,835
1
Pleasanton, CA
I'll start this thread with an excellent quote from Edward R. Murrow:
"It is not necessary to remind you that the fact that your voice is amplified to the degree where it reaches from one end of the country to the other does not confer upon you greater wisdom or understanding than you possessed when your voice reached only from one end of the bar to the other."
I'm inspired to start this thread after the recent "your favorite quote" thread. So without further ado, the worst, lame-brained quotes that ever made you blow milk out of your nose:


"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

- Dan Quayle, 9/5/90
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here."

- George W. Bush, at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."

- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

 
roudoudou

roudoudou

Might Stick Around
Aug 24, 2012
81
1
Montreal
:laughat:

Oh man I'm gonna like this thread!
"You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three.

I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.

George W Bush
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Steve Martin
I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

Greg Norman

 
roudoudou

roudoudou

Might Stick Around
Aug 24, 2012
81
1
Montreal
A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It's a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it is proven.

When you're a mayor and you have a problem you blame the provincial government. If you are provincial government and you have a problem you blame the federal government. We don't blame the Queen any more, so once in a while we might blame the Americans.

Former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien
They actually made a book out of his quotes (and of course, of W Bush's)

 
cajunguy

cajunguy

Part of the Furniture Now
Jan 22, 2012
756
1
Metairie, LA
One of my favorite sports funnies:
On Team Chemistry
"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something."
- Dennis Rodman

 
zanthal

zanthal

Lifer
Dec 3, 2011
1,835
1
Pleasanton, CA
Ah yeah, Dennis Rodman, the only guy on a five man team, sounds like him. He's got the same team spirit as Terrell Owens.
This one will make you want to puke out of your ear:
"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way - all of them who have tried to secularize America - I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.' "
-Jerry Falwell (13 Sep. 2001 on the Christian Broadcasting Network explaining who helped in the World Trade Center & Pentagon tragedy.)
and
"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."

- Ann Coulter (on terrorists)

 
roudoudou

roudoudou

Might Stick Around
Aug 24, 2012
81
1
Montreal
On the subject of tobacco:
"Few are aware of the influence upon morals exerted by that filthy habit, tobacco-using. When acquired early, it excites the underdeveloped organs, arouses the passions, and in a few years converts the once chaste and pure youth into a veritable volcano of lust, belching out from its inner fires of passion torrents of obscenity and the sulphurous fumes of lasciviousness. If long-continued, the final effect of tobacco is emasculine; but this is only the necessary consequence of previous super-excitation."
John Harvey Kellogg, M.D., inventor of the Corn Flakes and peanut butter, as taken from his book Plain Facts for Old and Young (1879)

8O

 
topd

topd

Lifer
Mar 23, 2012
1,745
10
Emerson, Arkansas
Joe Biden: “If we do everything right, if we do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30% chance we’re going to get it wrong.”
Yogi Berra: “Predictions are difficult, especially about the future.”
Mariah Carey: “Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
David Hasselhoff: “I’ve got taste. It’s inbred in me.”

 
damnyak

damnyak

Starting to Get Obsessed
Jul 14, 2012
292
1
Northern, Ontario. Canada
Some of my favorite bad quotes are from Michael Scott from the TV show "The Office". I know their written, but still very funny, and awkward.
"You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded."
On enjoying fine whiskey: "Over the gums, through the lips, Look out stomach... Here we go!
"I hate so much about the things you choose to be"
"If I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."
"Yeah I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?"

 
logandow

logandow

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 29, 2011
527
0
Oregon
"Even the apocalypse didn't stop us from killing each other over ideology."

-Artyom (metro 2033, a post apocalyptic book)

 
foggymountain

foggymountain

Lifer
Aug 14, 2012
2,872
123
Deja vue, all over again. You can't tell a book by the cover. Jack & Jill went up a hill to get a pail of water (they were really looking for a quiet place to make out).

 
seanavan

seanavan

Might Stick Around
Jun 14, 2012
78
1
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees"

-Jason Kidd, upon joining the Dallas Mavericks

 
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