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Why Is a Fine Pipe like a Beautiful Woman?

(61 posts)
  • Started 3 months ago by tufftony
  • Latest reply from folanator
  1. tufftony

    tufftony

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    Think about it.

    Its shape and surface appeal to the sense of touch.

    Its aroma appeals to the sense of smell.

    Its smoke appeals to the sense of taste.

    Its form appeals to the sense of sight.

    So there you have it! Both pipes and women offer the pleasures of
    touch, taste, smell and sight but smoking is a damn sight cheaper!

    Posted 3 months ago #
  2. anthonyrosenthal74

    anthonyrosenthal74

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    but smoking is a damn sight cheaper!
    And less stressful too!

    Arrrrr, shiver me timbers! International Talk Like a Pirate Day is September the 19th!!!
    Brothers Of The Black Frigate
    Posted 3 months ago #
  3. chasingembers

    Embers

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    Pipes are far superior and more comforting. That comparison is such an insult to a pipe.

    Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you.
    -Edward Teach
    Posted 3 months ago #
  4. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    The irony is that we really don’t prefer the wet smoking pipes, whereas...

    Michael
    Posted 3 months ago #
  5. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    ...or maybe... when smoked too hard, they gurgle?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  6. ssjones

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    I've posted this before, there is something about the Rhodesian shape that is appealing to me.

    Al

    Posted 3 months ago #
  7. ashdigger

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    These threads always concern me.

    Ubi Ignis Est?
    Posted 3 months ago #
  8. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    Oh, and you need about 12 of them in rotation to keep them from going sour.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  9. bassbug

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    Why Is a Fine Pipe like a Beautiful Woman?

    It isn't.

    These threads always concern me.

    You're not alone.

    I don't care who you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing
    Posted 3 months ago #
  10. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    Yehhhh... if you get caught making it with a woman, it's not nearly as embarrassing as getting caught making it with your pipe. And, it's worse if it's your buddy's wife... or pipe.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  11. chasingembers

    Embers

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    These threads always concern me.

    Same

    Posted 3 months ago #
  12. rdavid

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    ssjones... Thank you!

    "May my last breath be drawn through a pipe, and exhaled in a jest." Charles Lamb
    Posted 3 months ago #
  13. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    It almost always take more than one flame to get it going, and despite what they say, a spark isn't going to do the trick.

    And, when she gets sour, just ream her out, and pour a little alcohol in her...

    Posted 3 months ago #
  14. davet

    davet

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    My only question is, what are you doing with your pipes ?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  15. bassbug

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    a spark isn't going to do the trick

    Troublemaker....

    I've always felt that if you need to use alcohol on either a pipe or a woman, you haven't been doing your job right

    Posted 3 months ago #
  16. rdavid

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    And, when she gets sour, just ream her out, and pour a little alcohol in her...

    Not necessarily in that order! Alcohol first and then a good reaming has produced good results for me in the past.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  17. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    My only question is, what are you doing with your pipes ?

    Just dinner, dancing, and then I smoke them.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  18. condorlover1

    condorlover1

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    I have said it before and I'll say it again......'Treat your woman like your pipe, stuff her eight times a day and watch her smoke!'

    Posted 3 months ago #
  19. mikethompson

    mikethompson

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    Some of you guys need to get out more.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  20. johnbrody15

    johnbrody15

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    I do refer to all of my pipes in the female gender so....

    Posted 3 months ago #
  21. cosmicfolklore

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    Similes, metaphors, use your creativity, folks.

    I do refer to all of my pipes in the female gender so....

    Of course, it's just not very appealing to be sucking on... puffing on a... I mean... you know... a cigar is just a cigar, know what I mean?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  22. ophiuchus

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    I've posted this before, there is something about the Rhodesian shape that is appealing to me ...

    Whoa! Good morning!

    Posted 3 months ago #
  23. tufftony

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    Friends, I had no idea this topic would draw out the dark sordid secret desires
    of so many members (pardon the pun) and I'm shocked, I tell you, utterly shocked.

    Fellow pipe-smokers, let's drop this unfortunate and unwisely chosen topic and
    return to the 'Smoking Man's Haiku' thread. You were doing so well there but
    interest seems to have tapered off lately. A memorable incident from your smoking
    career expressed in a few words is all that is needed. For example:

    shaking the spittle

    from the fancy gurgling stem

    it hit him in the eye

    Posted 3 months ago #
  24. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    Straight pipes, don't smoke as wet... You know... if the pipe is a woman.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  25. cosmicfolklore

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    Besides "stuffing it" most of you seem to have no idea how to relate to a woman, ha ha.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  26. ophiuchus

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    shaking the spittle

    from the fancy gurgling stem

    it hit him in the eye


    Posted 3 months ago #
  27. derhammer

    derhammer

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    Thread is awesome

    Pierre
    Posted 3 months ago #
  28. johnbrody15

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    Of course, it's just not very appealing to be sucking on... puffing on a... I mean... you know... a cigar is just a cigar, know what I mean?

    lol Yes! I mean "no." I mean yes as in what you said, but no as in.....

    Posted 3 months ago #
  29. smokeyweb

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    Tongue bite is more enjoyable with a good woman, whereas covering your stem with a rubber softy is more enjoyable with pipe smoking.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  30. cosmicfolklore

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    Corncobs, I imagine as being like a back-country corn queen. The body will please ya, but her face begs to be used as a rake at harvest time. I actually have a better joke about that, but it makes fun of Kentucky girls, and I don't want to upset any of our fellow members in Kentucky. It might hit too close to home for some, ha ha.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  31. sablebrush52

    sablebrush52

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    The answer is simple.

    They both cost you a lot of money.

    It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

    It is pointless to argue with a fanatic since a dim bulb can't be converted into a searchlight. - Jesse Silver
    Posted 3 months ago #
  32. mso489

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    One is a human being with all that implies, and one is an inanimate object, so there's that. Inanimate objects are sometimes easier to understand, but not always.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  33. cigrmaster

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    A fine pipe is nothing like a beautiful woman. A fine pipe doesn't talk back and it doesn't bore you with inane drivel.

    Harris
    Posted 3 months ago #
  34. tufftony

    tufftony

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    The scent of the burning tobacco and the curling upwards
    of the smoke are the pipe 'talking back' to you.

    Capiche?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  35. tufftony

    tufftony

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    the sweet aroma
    as its smoke curls upwards...
    my pipe is talking back!

    Posted 3 months ago #
  36. dmcmtk

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    Al Jones, fat bottom girls make your rockin world go round!

    Dave
    Duke Street Irregular
    Posted 3 months ago #
  37. phil22

    phil22

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    They are both smokin'

    Posted 3 months ago #
  38. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    ...at least there isn't a week out of the month where you can't smoke your pipe... and it makes the garbage can in the bathroom look like the crime scene for a satanic serial killer.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  39. brian64

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    The only legitimate pipe/female metaphor is meers and the White Goddess.

    All else is blasphemy!

    Repent all of you briar and cob degenerates!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAb6z4evmuE

    “Bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” – George Carlin
    Posted 3 months ago #
  40. alialansari

    Ali Alansari

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    They are not similar in my opinion. You acquire one pipe and you are eager to get another. With a woman however, you meet her for the first time and never look at another one in your life. She is everything you would ever want and much more than you could ever expect.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  41. hoosierpipeguy

    hoosierpipeguy

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    A fine pipe is nothing like a beautiful woman. A fine pipe doesn't talk back and it doesn't bore you with inane drivel.

    I had a very similar reply, easier to simply quote Harris.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  42. tulsagentleman

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    The answer is simple.

    They both cost you a lot of money.

    I disagree. From my experience, a pipe collection costs a lot less, especially after a divorce. And by the way, pipes don't file for divorce and want half of everything you own.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  43. ssjones

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    Fat bottomed girls will definitely make your rocking world go around, er pipes....

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMnjF1O4eH0

    Posted 3 months ago #
  44. tufftony

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    The only legitimate pipe/female metaphor is meers and the White Goddess.
    All else is blasphemy!
    Repent all of you briar and cob degenerates!

    Repent?

    Repent??

    NEVER!

    How dare you be so bold as to cast mud
    Upon our words so beautiful, true, and good?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  45. chasingembers

    Embers

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    No woman on the planet can ever match tobacco and alcohol.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  46. warren

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    All this from a bunch of guys who stick a stem into their mouths to satisfy their oral fixation.

    A man without a shillelagh is a man without an expedient.
    Posted 3 months ago #
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    flymapper

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    Treat her with care….
    A light and loving touch, moderate pace…
    Never so hot as to burn…
    Never so cool as to die out…
    Filled either with assertive boldness to fire the imagination
    or a simple mellowness, to help relax and contemplate…
    room enough to breath
    and respond to the flame you provide
    to fire the combustion you enjoy
    inhaling the fragrance
    and the taste that you desire….
    knowing that with the proper care and attention
    she will be with you for life….

    yep. I'm friggin drunk. what's the question again?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  48. tufftony

    tufftony

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    No woman on the planet can ever match tobacco and alcohol.

    Well, as Rudyard Kipling once wrote:

    ...A woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  49. tufftony

    tufftony

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    All this from a bunch of guys who stick a stem into their mouths to satisfy their oral fixation.

    Well, it's better than sticking other things in one's mouth that one could mention...

    Posted 3 months ago #
  50. shanez

    shanez

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    Well, I'm not sure about why they are alike but as a big difference I can tell you I'd be very interested in a century old estate pipe but a century old estate woman...

    Posted 3 months ago #
  51. olkofri

    Olkofri

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    No woman on the planet can ever match tobacco and alcohol.

    A woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a Smoke.

    Poor fellows. I feel sorry for them.

    Not the sweet, new grass with flowers is this harvesting of mine;
    Not the upland clover bloom...
    Posted 3 months ago #
  52. tufftony

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    Treat her with care….
    A light and loving touch, moderate pace…
    Never so hot as to burn…
    Never so cool as to die out…
    Filled either with assertive boldness to fire the imagination
    or a simple mellowness, to help relax and contemplate…
    room enough to breath
    and respond to the flame you provide
    to fire the combustion you enjoy
    inhaling the fragrance
    and the taste that you desire….
    knowing that with the proper care and attention
    she will be with you for life…

    Posted 3 months ago #
  53. olkofri

    Olkofri

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    Treat her with care….
    A light and loving touch, moderate pace…
    Never so hot as to burn…
    Never so cool as to die out…
    Filled either with assertive boldness to fire the imagination
    or a simple mellowness, to help relax and contemplate…
    room enough to breath
    and respond to the flame you provide
    to fire the combustion you enjoy
    inhaling the fragrance
    and the taste that you desire….
    knowing that with the proper care and attention
    she will be with you for life…

    Looks like this could apply to a pipe too!

    Posted 3 months ago #
  54. tufftony

    tufftony

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    All this from a bunch of guys who stick a stem into their mouths to satisfy their oral fixation.

    How dare you be so bold
    as to cast mud, upon our thoughts
    so beautiful, true, and good?

    Posted 3 months ago #
  55. chasingembers

    Embers

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    Poor fellows. I feel sorry for them.

    That's actually what I was thinking when I posted that.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  56. olkofri

    Olkofri

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    Embers:

    Posted 3 months ago #
  57. chasingembers

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    Posted 3 months ago #
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    wulfheard

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    I really don't know how anyone can make a similarity between the two. I don't know about anyone else here, but I can't get my hands on enough pipes but the thought of having more than one woman in my life is frickin intolerable.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  59. davek

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    You're in great form in this one, Cosmic.

    All of the above, and also... they are both just a little bad for you, but hard to quit.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  60. hawky454

    hawky454

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    The irony is that we really don’t prefer the wet smoking pipes, whereas...

    Hot damn, that got me laughing!

    There are a lot of great responses in this thread! Good read for sure.

    Posted 3 months ago #
  61. folanator

    folanator

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    None of my pipes have hired attorneys...

    Posted 3 months ago #

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