What is the Worst Pipe You've Owned?

mikethompson · Mar 5, 2018

Everyone always posts about this or that pipe being a great smoker, great grain, it being great in the hand or whatnot. I'm curious to see what really bad pipes you guys have and why they are bad.
I don't have any currently, but in a lot of estates I got a few that must have been just for show. The draw on them was super tight, like pinhole tight.
Any stinkers in your collection?

ashdigger · Mar 5, 2018

No stinkers because if it doesn't perform like a champ it's gone. I usually give a pipe a few chances before deeming it a stinker and banishing it from my racks.

Chasing Embers · Mar 5, 2018

An '07 Dunhill Ruby Bark straight billiard and a '74 Dunhill Shell Briar straight billiard. The Ruby couldn't pass a pipe cleaner and was traded for some Mephisto tobacco, and I wasn't happy with how the Shell smoked so it's now a bonsai container.

cortezattic · Mar 5, 2018

A Medico "Ventilator" bent billiard I bought in the late '60s from the corner drugstore.

It was similar to the pipes depicted below. You couldn't smoke it without the filter in place because the aluminum tube was just for show -- and it didn't seem to do anything useful (except hold the pipe together). I bought it purely on impulse -- which was probably the manufacturer's intent. It was only a few dollars, IIRC. The wood had a varnished finish, and was 3rd rate, at best.

I also had a Kaywoodie "Hi-Bole" H-9, bent billiard from that era, that was always too hot to hold because of its thin walls; and the stinger put me off as well because it made the pipe gurgle often and, of course, couldn't pass a pipe cleaner.

seacaptain · Mar 5, 2018

I had a Wessex pipe that I loved the look, shape, and feel of it, but it had a tight draw, could barely pass a pipe cleaner, and gurgled, so it was useless to smoke it.

mso489 · Mar 5, 2018

No total bombs, but one frustration I recall. It was this beautiful lithe curved stem and shank smooth Dublin, very slender but with a medium bowl. It really was a looker, a French pipe, though I can't remember the brand. French pipes are nearly always dependably good. Not this one. I could not keep that airway clear. Whether it was pipe cleaner fluff or bits of leaf, or just defeating thoughts, something was always in that airway. I blew it out and cleaned it incessantly, more than the whole rest of the rotation. Finally I just traded it in, with a few other lesser pipes, toward something that worked out better. Such a relief to have it gone. A few other pipes haven't worked -- just didn't smoke that well, or one developed a crack I didn't want to repair, etc. However, I have a lot of pipes and few failures, so I feel lucky this way.

anthonyrosenthal74 · Mar 5, 2018

The Ruby couldn't pass a pipe cleaner and was traded for some Mephisto tobacco, and I wasn't happy with how the Shell smoked so it's now a bonsai container.

...and heads just exploded :rofl:

warren · Mar 5, 2018

The worst? An old Kaywoodie? Perhaps a Peterson? I trash pipes, never pass them on to others, which do not perform after a reasonable break-in period. I'm sure I've had my share ill-performing smokers though.

mso489 · Mar 5, 2018

Warren, you make me feel absolutely unscrupulous. I always figure maybe someone else can improve the pipe, but I guess that's rationalization. I just want something out of the expense and frustration. However, I am sure you are rewarded by tossing the discards into the fire or a deep ice fissure.

jpmcwjr · Mar 5, 2018

Worst pipe I've owned was a Mr. Brog morta. I owned it for 24 hours at which point I returned it unsmoked. Next worst one was a Rossi, that is just plain ugly, but it smokes all right. It lives in the trunk (Brits: Boot) of my car for emergencies. Both were bought online.

warren · Mar 5, 2018

I'd feel guilty knowingly passing on a poor smoking pipe. I feel I give them every chance to pass the final threshold for being added to the rotation. I do have a pipe which my wife purchased for me. The bowl is small, too small for a good smoke. But, this is a "memory" pipe, not in the normal rotation and I'll keep it.
The idea of passing a pipe on to someone with better technique or the tools at hand to remedy a poor smoking pipe is nice. I simply do not have the inclination to do adverts, posting, shipping, etc. It's a matter of convenience, time management and interest. I do realize such behavior will be viewed as wasteful by many, such is life.

joeman · Mar 5, 2018

I always figure maybe someone else can improve the pipe, but I guess that's rationalization.

MSO...like you, many of us move pipes out because of performance. I can tell you that I've sent pipes to new owners which simply didn't work well for me...and the new owners report back as to how great they smoke. Different tobacco, smoking cadence, maybe a bit of drilling or otherwise. I'd say that unless you know for fact that there's something inherently wrong with the pipe, I don't think you're being unscrupulous.

badbeard · Mar 5, 2018

Some years back a well meaning acquaintance gave me a KSI bent billiard as a gift. Honestly I wish I had never smoked it, as the bowl coating tasted like a hot dumpster. I'd rather smoke Mixture No. 79 out of a broken lightbulb than ever smoke another one of those pipes.

cosmicfolklore · Mar 5, 2018

When I first saw the thread name, I thought, "oh look, a new Peterson thread," ha ha. Quite refreshing that there are other pipes mentioned here.
Actually, my daughters bought me a PSO (pipe-shaped-object) a few years ago from Amazon, bless their hearts. It was one of those LOTR homage pipes. I don't even think it is real wood, but like a veneer sticker that looks like wood, not even fake briar, ha ha. I'm too afraid to smoke it, but it hangs on the wall of my pipe room.

mikethompson · Mar 5, 2018

Cosmic I see lots of those on Amazon and wonder just how bad they are.
I have no problem selling a pipe that doesn't work for me, I assume everyone has a better cadence than I do, which is probably true. If the bowl were cracked or had some major flaw that's another story.

cigrmaster · Mar 5, 2018

The worst pipe I ever bought was a brand new George Jensen bent Billiard. It smoked hot and wet and I ended up throwing it away. I only paid 95.00 for it and counted it as a lesson learned. I always made sure after that to find out if the pipe would pass a pipe cleaner, and to also make sure the pipe did not have any type of lacquer on it.

philobeddoe · Mar 5, 2018

I have bought two Ser Jacopo pipes in my life, one of which I count among my finest smoking pipes.....the other smoked so hot that I could scarcely hold after maybe 8 or 10 puffs. The hot pipe had nice wall thickness and was constructed beautifully, however something about that particular block of briar was seriously flawed, that pipe smoked hotter than any other pipe I have ever smoked. I’ve tried pipes with very thin bowls that did indeed smoke hot and demanded a careful cadence, but nothing like this Kingsford briquette of a pipe! I really liked the look of the pipe, so I tried several different tobaccos in it, each with the same result. I just figured that particular burl grew funky or didn’t get some nutrients that caused the briar to transfer heat so much faster than the average burl.

workman · Mar 5, 2018

When I was even newer to this than I am now, I bought two Parker rejects, both bent billiards. It turned out neither of them passed a pipecleaner and the drilling was totally messed up on both of them. They both gurgled and were impossible to enjoy, so I tossed them. A few weeks ago, the exact same thing showed on an estate pipe I bought, only this time it was a gorgeous Dunhill shell rhodesian. I wrote an e-mail to the seller, who immediately offered a swap, so no hard feelings there. But I would have expected more of a Dunhill. Btw I didn't smoke it. It was to obviously flawed.

mikethompson · Mar 6, 2018

But I would have expected more of a Dunhill

I've heard more than a few stories of Dunhills being bummers.

jensen · Mar 6, 2018

I have had a few bad pipes over the years - different brands. Most problems have been hot smoking like one of

philobeddoe`s Ser Jacopo.

What is the Worst Pipe You've Owned?

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