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Trade My Pelican For "Yo' Momma"

(72 posts)
  • Started 4 years ago by troutface
  • Latest reply from dustmite
  1. troutface

    troutface

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    Well after that bit of unpleasantness I could use a good laugh. So tell me about my momma, as in "Yo' momma is so old, in kindergarten she sat behind Jesus." The one that makes me laugh the hardest gets a tin of Pelican shipped to any of these 50 United States.

    "Each of you be a light unto yourself; betake yourself to no external refuge. Hold fast to the Truth. Look not for refuge to anyone beside yourself." -The Buddha
    Posted 4 years ago #
  2. dustmite

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    Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train, two buses, and a taxi just to get on her good side.

    Posted 4 years ago #
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    Anonymous

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    Yo mama is doing a nice thing here. Sorry, not funny, just sayin'....carry on

    Posted 4 years ago #
  4. ben88

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    Since I am in Canada and do not qualify: Yo mama like Pepsi - the choice of new generation.

    Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate
    Posted 4 years ago #
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    lestrout

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    Yo mama is so ignorant that she went fly fishing without the zipper.

    tl and hp
    les

    Posted 4 years ago #
  6. bonehed

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    Yo momma so stupid - she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind!

    Thanks for the contest troutface!

    Posted 4 years ago #
  7. voorhees

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    Yo Momma is so ugly she could haunt a 8 bedroom house via the telephone!

    Jason
    Posted 4 years ago #
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    aldecaker

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    Yo Momma so fat she gotta carry her diaphragm in a pizza box.

    A man who serves his country is a patriot. A man who serves his government is an employee. The two are not always the same thing.
    Posted 4 years ago #
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    lestrout

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    Yo Tro

    Can we enter more'n once?

    Posted 4 years ago #
  10. beefeater33

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    Yo momma so dumb she puts a quarter in a parking meter and waits for a gum ball to come out...............

    Thanks for the bit of humor contest Trout!!

    "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dream..."
    Willy Wonka
    Posted 4 years ago #
  11. cortezattic

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    Before yo momma came to town Sodom and Gomorrah were known for their pottery!

    I find myself sitting idly on the line dividing past and future,
    as if I could kill time without injuring eternity. -- Thoreau
    Posted 4 years ago #
  12. bonehed

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    framitz

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    Yo mama is so dumb she grows like an onion with the head in the ground. Shel

    Posted 4 years ago #
  14. tbradsim1

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    Yo momma so ugly she tried to join an ugly contest, They said Sorry No Proffesionals.

    The Old Cajun
    Posted 4 years ago #
  15. mrenglish

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    [/URL][/img]

    Hope everything worked out OK, Jeff!

    Michael
    Posted 4 years ago #
  16. wyfbane

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    You'll never be the man Yo mama was.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  17. daimyo

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    Yo mama is so fat, after sex she smokes turkey.

    Yo mama is so fat, she sat on as rainbow and made skittles.

    Yo mama is so dumb she thought a quarterback was a refund.

    Thanks for the laughs. I don't need a tin of Pelican but we could all use a little more humor in our lives.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  18. daimyo

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  19. mcitinner1

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    @ Daimyo THAT'S A WINNER!!!

    Stan
    Godfrey Daniels!!
    The Plenipotent Key to Cope's Correct Card of the Peerless Pilgrimage to Saint Nicotine of the Holy Herb:
    Posted 4 years ago #
  20. forest7

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    "Yo' Momma" looks like a Yo Yo Ma's cello.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  21. allan

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    Yo mama'so fat that when God said 'Let there be light" he asked her to move out of the way.

    Allan
    Posted 4 years ago #
  22. johnnyreb

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    @daimyo,

    Boy, I didn't see that one coming!

    Rebels been rebels since I don't know when
    Posted 4 years ago #
  23. blueeyedogre

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    Now I'm not saying your mother was large but when she walked across the room the radio skipped twice.

    "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." - Corinthians 16:13
    "Let us be English or let us be French . . . and above all let us be Canadians." – Sir John A MacDonald
    "The world was to me a secret which I desired to divine." - Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
    Posted 4 years ago #
  24. dulgunz

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    Yo momma so ugly she has to tie a steak around her neck so the dog will play with her.

    Yo momma so ugly she has to sneak up on a water fountain to get a drink.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  25. andrew

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    Your mother is a fat disgusting pig, she smells, she's a stupid cranky bitch and this is why you grew up as a bastard.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  26. seadogontheland

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    Yo mama so fat when she sat around the house, she sat AROUND the house.

    Life is good...I have truly been blessed.
    Posted 4 years ago #
  27. shaintiques

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    Yo mamas so hairy I saw her in the shower and thought they were filming "gorillas in the mist"

    I know what I need, smoke, I can't recall the last time I tasted it....Gandalf in the mines of Moria.

    "we shall have to share pipes, as good friends must at a pinch'....'I keep a treasure or two near my skin, as precious as rings to me. Here's one: my old wooden pipe. And here's another an unused one...He held up a small pipe with a wide flattened bowl, and handed it to Gimli. 'Does that settle the score between us', said Merry. 'Most noble hobbit, it leaves me deep in your debt."
    Posted 4 years ago #
  28. dulgunz

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    Shaintiques - that one actually made me laugh!!

    Posted 4 years ago #
  29. pipesmokingtom

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    Yo mamma so fat, her gut graduated a year ahead of her in high school.

    Yo mamma so fat, there's still snow on her in the summer time.

    "We have an unspoken, mutual understanding to ignore the things we hate about each other so we can continue to enjoy the things we love about each other."
    Posted 4 years ago #
  30. chasingembers

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    Yo mama so ugly, she can walk into a haunted house, and walk out with a paycheck.

    Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you.
    -Edward Teach
    Posted 4 years ago #
  31. derfatdutchman

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    Yo mama is so old, she was Moses's prom date.

    "The value of tobacco is best understood when it is the last you possess, and there is no chance of getting more."
    Bismark
    Posted 4 years ago #
  32. smoothsailing

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    Yo mama's so fat her belt size is the equator.

    Yo mama's teeth so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles.

    Yo mama's so fat Dora can't explore her

    Posted 4 years ago #
  33. smoothsailing

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    Yo mama's so fat she doesn't skinny dip she chunky dunks.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  34. pipesmokingtom

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    Yo mamma so big, she has a retractable dome.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  35. nathaniel

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    They used to call trampolines "jumpolines" until yo momma got on one back in 1972!

    Posted 4 years ago #
  36. clickklick

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    Yo momma is like a moped, fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see you on her.

    Hobbyist Pipemaker - Carmette Pipes
    Posted 4 years ago #
  37. edgreen

    edgreen

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    Yo momma so dark she went to night school and they marked her absent

    Tobacco's a musician.And in a pipe delighteth;It descends in a close,Through the organ of the nose, With a relish that inviteth.
    Barten Holiday
    Posted 4 years ago #
  38. jkrug

    jkrug

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    Didn't see that comin' daimyo!

    Posted 4 years ago #
  39. delkhouri

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    Yo momma's so fat, she got baptized at Sea World.

    "I believe that many who find that 'nothing happens' when they sit down, or kneel down, to a book of devotion, would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working their way through a tough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand"
    ~ C.S. Lewis
    Posted 4 years ago #
  40. troutface

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    I want to add that the winner will have a choice of the Pelican or a tin of Aylesbury Luxury Flake. So carry on, I'm having a good laugh, or maybe I'm just easily amused

    Posted 4 years ago #
  41. dmcmtk

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    Yo momma's such a strange bird, I'd rather have a pelican!

    Dave
    Duke Street Irregular
    Posted 4 years ago #
  42. pipesmokingtom

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    Yo mamma so fat, you have to connect through Salt Lake just to get on her good side.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  43. goldsm

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    Mama's chicken is closed because Yo' mamma was there.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  44. samcoffeeman

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    Yo mamma so mean, ISIS said, F*** we surrender!

    Yo mamma so fat, when she twerked, the pacific tsunami warning center went code red.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  45. pipesmokingtom

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    Yo mamma so fat, her water bed has life guards.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  46. pipesmokingtom

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    Yo mamma so fat, her ass is labeled "Press #8, LA Poche Perique Tobacco Co."

    Posted 4 years ago #
  47. edgreen

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    OK, that last one has to be the winner.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  48. mranglophile

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    Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

    Michael - Poulsb, WA

    Pipes are not like cars. A Chevy cannot drive like a Mercedes, but the lowly Stanwell can smoke like the lofty Chonowitsch, even though the latter far exceeds the Stanwell in beauty, grain, and craftsmanship. It is the briar and not the brand. There is no place for elitism among pipe smokers. - Fred Hanna
    Posted 4 years ago #
  49. mranglophile

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    ooops didnt see Cajuns...great minds think alike. Here is another one.

    Yo mama is so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  50. smoothsailing

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    Yo mama's so fat she puts her lipstick on with a paint roller

    Yo mama's so fat she gave Dracula Diabetes.

    Yo mama's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  51. dustmite

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    Yo mama's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  52. derfatdutchman

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    Yo Mamma so hairy, she has to shave her legs with a weed whacker.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  53. edgreen

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    I asked Wilt Chamberlain how many times he did your mama. He said he lost count.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  54. calabashed

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    Posted 4 years ago #
  55. blueeyedogre

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    Yo mamma is so fat every time she goes swimming a fleet of Japanese whalers shows up!
    Yo mamma is so fat at sea world they throw fish at her for doing tricks.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  56. smoothsailing

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    Yo mama's so fat, she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack

    Yo mama's so fat she don't need the internet,she's already worldwide.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  57. kcghost

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    Yo Mama is so fat Black Holes area afraid of her.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  58. derfatdutchman

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    Yo Mamma is so fat when she lays on the beach, Green Peace tries to drag her back into the water.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  59. troutface

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    OK, get in your last licks. You have about 24 hours till I announce the winner. Surprised nobody has entered a "Yo momma's pipe is so ugly....."

    Posted 4 years ago #
  60. pipesmokingtom

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    The perique one is probably the best I could come up with, but let's try:

    Yo mamma so dumb, she took a Cavendish to a pot luck.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  61. fnord

    fnord

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    Trout:

    From forty plus years ago:

    "Yo momma's so fat her ass has its own zip code."

    Still makes me smile today....

    Fnord

    It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says - like dumb - I'm smart and I want respect!
    Fredo Corleone
    Posted 4 years ago #
  62. jiujitsubowl

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    [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzelrlH_pjQ]null

    “I believe that many who find that "nothing happens" when they sit down, or kneel down, to a book of devotion, would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working their way through a tough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand.” -CS LEWIS-
    Posted 4 years ago #
  63. smoothsailing

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    Yo mama's pipe smokes so wet she gotta wear a Life preserver  to use it.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  64. jiujitsubowl

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    Yo mama is so fat she made her memory foam mattress, forget.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  65. daimyo

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    Yo mama's pipe is so ugly, even shinypipes couldn't Photoshop out the fills.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  66. smoothsailing

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    Yo mama's pipe is so ugly, even shinypipes couldn't Photoshop out the fills.

    That's Hysterical (LMAO!)

    Posted 4 years ago #
  67. chasingembers

    Embers

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    Yo mama is so stupid, that when you said you liked a latakia, she bought you five Korean import cars for Christmas.

    Posted 4 years ago #
  68. troutface

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    First let me thank you all for the laughs. Lots of good ones here but I have to give the nod to shaintiques for:

    Yo mamas so hairy I saw her in the shower and thought they were filming "gorillas in the mist"

    Please PM me your info so I can get the tin out to you.

    Have to give an honorable mention to daimyo for:

    Yo mama's pipe is so ugly, even shinypipes couldn't Photoshop out the fills.

    OUCH!

    Thanks again everyone :clap:

    Posted 4 years ago #
  69. shaintiques

    shaintiques

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    This is sweet, thanks Troutface for doing this. That one is my wife's favorite. Can't wait to try Pelican. Sounds yummy!

    Posted 4 years ago #
  70. shaintiques

    shaintiques

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    Ok my awesome prize arrived from Troutface, what a stand up guy! First of all he didn't have to do this at all, he did send the Pelican which I have never had and by his advice plan to just put in the cellar and get some age on it. But in the meantime while I wait for it to age, he sent me 4 samples of other blends I have never had but have been thinking about trying. And to top off the box he sent a nice Savinelli for the Free Pipe Project. Someone is going to love getting their hands on this beauty.

    Posted 3 years ago #

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