Father Leonard
A tribute by the anagrammatic Jonah Nose, with apologies to the poetic Lewis Carroll
You are old, Father Len, the young man exclaimed
And I notice from long observation
That your pipe stays alight
By day and by night
Without bother or deep tribulation.
It's a knack, said the sage, that I've honed to an art
From years of work and hard toil
For the Queen and her dad
Through good times and bad
Though I never once left England's soil.
You are wise, said the youth, and wondrously deft
At smoking your pipe with success.
Does it help when you finger
Your bowl and then linger?
How does one acquire such prowess?
You must practice a lot; you have to start young
And keep it on day and night
You must buy a good pipe
And tobacco that's ripe
Not a mixture that's scented and light.
Myself, when a boy, in my north London home
I practised for hours in my bed
To get a good length
Though it took all my strength
And left me quite weak in the head.
You're a star, said the youth, who was aged sixty-four,
And your diet is wholesome and healthy
Does this help in your aim?
Could we all do the same?
And win prizes, and thus become wealthy?
Not a chance, said Len E, I have secrets galore
To keep me ahead of the game
How to load; how to tamp
In the style of a champ
These are skills that have brought me great fame.
And I won't pass them on to young cubs like you,
Though you beg me again and again
If I did and you learned
The skills that I've earned
That could signal an end to my reign.
So just stop your noise, go and sit with the boys
Who can't make it last for an hour
When I light up and puff
On this shag that's so rough
You can marvel at all my great power.
With one last throw of the dice, he tried to be nice
And persuade the master to cite
How he puffed; how he blew
In short all that he knew
For a book that he wanted to write.
But the elder was coy and he said to the boy
(For by now he was getting the hump)
I won't say this again
For it causes me pain
Just clear off and go take a jump!
Interesting reading here:
http://www.pipeclubofnorfolk.co.uk/newsletters2006.php
A tribute by the anagrammatic Jonah Nose, with apologies to the poetic Lewis Carroll
You are old, Father Len, the young man exclaimed
And I notice from long observation
That your pipe stays alight
By day and by night
Without bother or deep tribulation.
It's a knack, said the sage, that I've honed to an art
From years of work and hard toil
For the Queen and her dad
Through good times and bad
Though I never once left England's soil.
You are wise, said the youth, and wondrously deft
At smoking your pipe with success.
Does it help when you finger
Your bowl and then linger?
How does one acquire such prowess?
You must practice a lot; you have to start young
And keep it on day and night
You must buy a good pipe
And tobacco that's ripe
Not a mixture that's scented and light.
Myself, when a boy, in my north London home
I practised for hours in my bed
To get a good length
Though it took all my strength
And left me quite weak in the head.
You're a star, said the youth, who was aged sixty-four,
And your diet is wholesome and healthy
Does this help in your aim?
Could we all do the same?
And win prizes, and thus become wealthy?
Not a chance, said Len E, I have secrets galore
To keep me ahead of the game
How to load; how to tamp
In the style of a champ
These are skills that have brought me great fame.
And I won't pass them on to young cubs like you,
Though you beg me again and again
If I did and you learned
The skills that I've earned
That could signal an end to my reign.
So just stop your noise, go and sit with the boys
Who can't make it last for an hour
When I light up and puff
On this shag that's so rough
You can marvel at all my great power.
With one last throw of the dice, he tried to be nice
And persuade the master to cite
How he puffed; how he blew
In short all that he knew
For a book that he wanted to write.
But the elder was coy and he said to the boy
(For by now he was getting the hump)
I won't say this again
For it causes me pain
Just clear off and go take a jump!
Interesting reading here:
http://www.pipeclubofnorfolk.co.uk/newsletters2006.php