okay, so I started smoking a pipe my freshman year of college, but had to stop because I transferred back home. However, I am looking to get back into it. When I came home I didn't have the places to go and smoke like I did at college because of parents, etc. Another big problem was my girlfriend. She isn't the biggest fan of any sort of tobacco products and since I'm wanting to start back I didn't know what to do. Should I hide it from her or ask her to see if it's alright?
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Pipes Magazine » General Pipe Smoking Discussion
Pipe Smoking and My Girlfriend
(47 posts)-
Posted 3 months ago #
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Hiding implies you are doing something wrong. Nothing wrong with pipe smoking. And asking for permission? I have no idea how to respond to that my friend.
"You have to be a man first before you're a gentleman. "
John WaynePosted 3 months ago # -
Hiding implies you are doing something wrong.
I don't know your girlfriend, but if she is like most women, she won't be to happy about you hiding things from her. Odds are if you hide it and she finds out, there will be hell to pay.
And asking for permission? I have no idea how to respond to that my friend.
I would just tell her its something you enjoy. It's your body, and if you want to smoke, then you're gonna smoke.As long as I got a pipe full of baccy and a nose full of snuff, I'm a happy camper
Cigarettes are an addiction, cigars are a hobby, pipes are a religionPosted 3 months ago # -
My, how the world has changed since I was a young man.
Your girlfriend has been brainwashed by the anti-tobacco lobby into believing that tobacco is evil. You'll have to re-train her, forget about pipe smoking, or switch girlfriends, and I can only recommend two of those options.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Be honest and discuss it. That is my policy with my wife. She didn't want me to start smoking, after discussion and seeing that it was something I used to relax she doesn't mind much
“I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgement in all human affairs.”
-Albert Einstein, 1950Posted 3 months ago # -
I worded that last part wrong. I'm not asking permission, but more just asking her opinion. I am about 90% positive she won't agree with it, but like mikephillips said...I might have to re-train her! haha
Posted 3 months ago # -
And the more I think about it the more I see hiding it to be a bad idea! haha
Posted 3 months ago # -
And the more I think about it the more I see hiding it to be a bad idea!
Yeah women don't like it when we hide things from them.Posted 3 months ago # -
I would not hide anything from her, and I dont feel I should have to seek permission either. If these are your only options, my recommendation is simple....run.
Posted 3 months ago # -
If she is against you smoking now she will probably be even more so if you have kids.Relationships in my opinion only work if they are based on trust.I don't think it's a good to try to hide it from hide it from her.
Life's most valuable treasure is..LovePosted 3 months ago # -
Don't hide it from her. If she doesn't like it, then dump her . . . unless she is really hot, in which case you should lie through your teeth
Posted 3 months ago # -
Don't hide. She gotta take you as the individual that you are. That's the only way to a healthy relationship. Regardless of whether its you being a pipe smoker or you saving whales, if she can't support it, it's not your fault. Tough words, but the truth isn't all sugar mountain.
Suffering from a serious case of "EPARD", also known as the Estate Pipe Acquisition and Restoration Disorder.Posted 3 months ago # -
Be up front and do not cave in .Trust is the key that opens the door to individuality .
“There was an awful suspicion in my mind that I'd finally gone over the hump, and the worst thing about it was that I didn't feel tragic at all, but only weary, and sort of comfortably detached.”Posted 3 months ago # -
[quote]Yeah women don't like it when we hide things from them.
No they certainly don't. That's why they want to carry "them" in their purse for us.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Now that the joke is over. Seriously, do not ever be with someone that will not accept you for who you are and what you stand for. You want to smoke a pipe do it. If she can't accept that then move on. Don't let her use anything as a weapon to get you to stop. It's not just about the smoking it is about standing up for yourself and not letting her wear the pants. I have alot of passion for this little talk because that was me 35 years ago and it took me alot of years to learn that.
Posted 3 months ago # -
To be blunt here, it looks like you need to take control of your own life as an adult, and make you own decisions about this; Even if we could do so, it's not our place to replace your intestinal fortitude. Your parents and your girlfriend may not like it, but in the end, they will respect you for standing up for yourself. If you cave, I am sure you'll regret doing so and be miserable for it.
Posted 3 months ago # -
To tack on one more thought. It's better to be respected than loved. You can not have love without respect.
Posted 3 months ago # -
You'll have to re-train her, forget about pipe smoking, or switch girlfriends, and I can only recommend two of those options.
Well said Mike, my sentiments exactly. Of course I'm just an old dysfunctionsal man.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Many fish in the sea, my friend.
Posted 3 months ago # -
I'm with Mike Phillips and all else here. You are a grown man. Do not hide who you are , or what you enjoy. Smoking a pipe used to be something that men did, and was not questioned. We live in much different times now. Not saying these "modern" ways are better. I don't feel like any of today's popular, or "mainstream" ways are even close to being right, moral or just. But, that is a discussion for another day. My deep down feeling is, smoke your pipe and enjoy it! Don't apologize, ask permission or forgiveness for it. You are a man. Always conduct yourself as one. Take care.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Invite her to partake. She may like it.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Be open and be courteous. And certainly invite her to try, after she gets used to you doing it.
Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes,
Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close
Rudyard KiplingPosted 3 months ago # -
I remember a girlfriend and I having a pretty heated argument over alcohol. I thought it was ok, she wanted no part of it and did not see thebpoint of drinking unless it was to get,drunk, which we both do not do. I, however thoght that drinking could be enjoyed, done in moderation, and was just fine.
Simply, she was raised to not associate with alcohol, for good reasons, and I grew up watching my dad have an occasional beer and never thought anything of it.
So, we were very conflicted. I actually just dropped the argument for a while. But, everynow and then I'd mention it, and talk a little about enjoying responsibly. Slowly, she came around to see my opinion, and why I held it. At the core was trust that she had for me, and my decisions, and also my respect for her feelings, opinions, and worries.
Now that girfriend is my wife, we are very happy, and she surprises me with woodford reserve bourbon, or some nice beers from time to time.
So, there's trust in eachother and eachothers motives and intentions, respect for differing opinions, understanding, willingness to change, and patience from both sides.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Many great words of wisdom in this thread. Here's my favorite:
My deep down feeling is, smoke your pipe and enjoy it! Don't apologize, ask permission or forgiveness for it. You are a man. Always conduct yourself as one. Take care.
And that trust thing. A relationship will go nowhere without lots of that.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Man up, and light up.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Yeah women don't like it when we hide things from them.
?? Really? I'm shocked!
I think maybe they just don't like it when the tables are turned, is all. There has never been a woman born that didn't hide shit from her husband/boyfriend. EVER.
Still, I agree, NEVER hide anything from your significant other because that makes you SOO much better than them
Also, we are Men. Men don't hide things, we don't need to hide things.
Posted 3 months ago # -
If you hide it -- be afraid!
If you have to ask -- be very afraid!!If you inform her of your decision and she accepts you for who you are -- you're a lucky man, keep her.
If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always gotPosted 3 months ago # -
My gf is a nurse that hates tobacco, but since she sees me enjoying it so much, she actually buys me cigars for special occasions. Your best bet is to light up a nice pipe when she's around and see how she reacts.
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."
Mark Twain - Eric (taerin): nickname (username)Posted 3 months ago # -
You have a life, she has a life. If she decides that you need to live a portion of her life and relieve yourself of a part of yours, move on friend, it will only get worse. ALWAYS be up front. I have been married for 37 years and dated my wife for another 3 before that. When you hide something, it becomes 1000 times worse than the item hid.
There is nothing like being left alone again, to walk peacefully with oneself in the woods.
To boil one's coffee and fill one's pipe, and to think idly and slowly as one does it.Posted 3 months ago # -
i have never hid anything from the warden.... that's not to say i tell her everything.
she treats me the same for the most part, lucky me.
just pack and light up, she'll either accept it or she'll move on. do not put up with bickering and nagging about it, life is to short for that. and don't quit "for her" because if you do she'll look for something else to "fix" about you.
Posted 3 months ago # -
My fiance didn't like it much at first either, but when she saw me enjoying something, talking to folks on here, building friendships, a spending so little on a hobby she was all for it. Do what you wanna do, within reasons, and she'll come around. If not who cares!
I like to smoke pipesPosted 3 months ago # -
Smoke your pipe when you want to ,you don't need to ask anyone if it is alright.IMHO
Posted 3 months ago # -
My ex didn't like my smoking. We were together for more than twenty years, and we're still very good friends. She still doesn't like my smoking.
Don't hide the pipe. It's as much a facet of your personality as those darn handbags probably are of hers.
-----ATBOTH
Boring wafflegab about tobacco.Posted 3 months ago # -
Well, like the others said don't hide it! The reality check for young men today is that woman want to be with a strong man. Not some sort of weenie. My wife knows she married a hard headed opinionated Irishman. And as hard as it is to believe she is good with that. I look after my family and do the guy things around the house. She likes to know that she is protected, respected and cared for. I don't try to make her into something she is not and she doesn't do it to me either. Long marriages are made of mutual respect, and the strength to know when to let her have her way. Let her win 90% of the time and the 10% you put your foot down she will honour and respect. Don't argue about the small stuff. But don't stop being a man. Not enough of us around anymore. Funny though woman are starting to notice that too.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Piperl12, Excellent thoughts and I concur 100%. We as a species have got to stop cowtowing to the PC bullscheisse femenist line about how men should be. It aint natural and women want a strong man as the leader of the family not a wuss.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Well said Piperl12.
Pick your battles and save "putting your foot down" for the important sh!t
Posted 3 months ago # -
It aint natural and women want a strong man as the leader of the family not a wuss.
Yep, seen it a dozen times. A woman complains about not having a boyfriend who is "in touch with his feelings and isn't afraid to show his emotions"...well, soon as they get some sissy like that, they dump him for an actual Man.
Posted 3 months ago # -
My second ex was a head case that I was so gaga over I ignored all the signs that she was trouble. She had this fierce femenazi streak but expected me to know when it was ok to be the strong man and take care of her. My timing was never right. As hard as I tried I couldn't read her mind. When I think back on that whole time of my life I just shudder. I would have died from a stroke or heart attack from the stress of being married to that phsyco.
Posted 3 months ago # -
It seems to be important to point out that pipe smoking should be a relaxing thing. If your girlfriend or parents make it stressful, then the experience can't be fully appreciated.
As an aside, anti-tobacco zombies are people truly susceptible to brain washing. Show her that it is okay, and something you enjoy. You could also compromise. My wife wasn't 100% on board, so I made a deal with her. I promised I'd only tax my body in one way, so I traded my lack of exercise for pipe smoking. She's happy I'm getting in shape, and I get to have relaxing nag-free smokes.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, handloading, and fishing.
Maybe you should sell your guns and boat too"
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't!
Posted 3 months ago # -
zyrcon, I hereby present you with +1 Internets for that enjoyable story.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Do what you enjoy, if that's smoking a pipe smoke a pipe. Your girlfriend will accept it in time. If not well then you got some evaluating you gotta do.
G
You can buy education, but wisdom is a gift from God.Posted 3 months ago # -
I'm not going to hide it from her, but I am going to tell her that I enjoy it and it's something that I want to enjoy once again. If she doesn't like it then I will just try to find a compromise somewhere so we both win. I'll let yall know when I find the right moment to bring it up.
Thanks for the advice!
Posted 3 months ago # -
Good luck, Adam.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Real men smoke tobacco pipes adam! Thats all you have to tell her.
Posted 3 months ago # -
My wife was displeased with me when I started smoking pipes because she too was under the impression that pipes equated to big cigarettes. She has since relaxed as she realized that I smoke at most once or twice a week and that I never "crave it". The best thing you can do to ease her into it however is to not be as overly enthusiastic as I was at the outset. When I started I bought several new pipes and a dozen different blends of tobacco and wanted to try them all...and it came off as both expensive and excessive in use.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Good luck Adam!
I know what it is to share my life with someone. When my (now) wife and I started dating I was a pack-a-day cigarette smoker. I was feeling the effects of this on my health, and my wife was a lifelong non-smoker who hated cigarette smoke. I had already begun voluntarily smoking outside, and over the course of 2.5 years I quit smoking altogether.
After a 7 year no-tobacco hiatus, late last year I decided that I wanted to return to pipe-smoking, mostly out of a love of briar and a curiousity about restoring estate pipes. But I also wanted to smoke the occasional bowl. I was declarative and up front about this with my wife. She reciprocated by sharing her fears about me becoming addicted to tobacco again. I shared with her that this was something I was afraid of too. She also shared that she liked the smell of pipe-tobacco and pipe smoke. We trusted each other more because we were up-front and honest with each other. As a result, she's supportive of me and my pipe hobby. She even bought me two new tobaccos for Christmas!
It sounds like you're on the right path.
-- Pat
If this is coffee, then please-bring me some tea. But if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
~Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
Posted 3 months ago #
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