Pipes Magazine » General Discussion

1. 

   spacecowboy57
   

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   yeah so my gf of 3 years left me for a more attractive and smarter guy with more disposable income. I started checking out online dating sites and thought i would record my observaions here. here are a few caveats when reading a woman's profile:
   1. body type "average" means fat
   2. body type "a few extra pounds" means a few extra feet around the waist
   3. body type "athletic" may mean hot and in shape OR so large they could bring down and devour an entire wildebeast by themselves.
   4. "I like intelligent men" means "i like hot guys who have heard of Sigmund Freud and can recite lines of Shakespeare they were forced to memorize in high school. I am in no way interested in discussing NOVA with you."
   5. "I'm very laid back untill you upset me" means "I am set off by little things and turn into a total b!tch"
   6. "I just want a nice guy who will treat me right" means "I just want a hot guy who waits on me hand and foot and has alot of money to buy me everything i want"
   7. "i'm bisexual and love to party" means "I'm a slut who makes out with other chicks when I'm drunk to attract attention"
   8. "I'm looking for someone to love me for me and not my looks" means" there is no way in hell you're gonna love me for my looks, so you better find something else you like about me"
   9. "I love my X cats" means "I have way too many cats, and you will have to hear stories about each and every one of them, like how Mr. mittens loves putting on cute outfits for the christmas card etc."
   10. "I'm 22 and saving up money for my MBA... I'm looking for a man between 25 and 35" means "I want your money so I can get my degree and find a hotter guy".

   Translated by Mr. Space "Wolverine" Cowboy the 57th

   Posted 1 year ago #
2. 

   ernest
   

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   "I enjoy the finer things in life"

   Please tell me what this means spacecowboy57

   Posted 1 year ago #
3. 

   spacecowboy57
   

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   "you better have a fat wallet"

   Posted 1 year ago #
4. 

   ernest
   

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   HaHaHa,thanks.I guess I better get a chain for my wallet.Ive got a lady that said she likes a man that can take her shopping and stay with in all the stores.What does that mean spacecowboy57?

   Posted 1 year ago #
5. 

   onizuka
   

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   Now I remember this conversation I was having with a friend a long time ago. It started off with a conversation about what women wanted. They can always elaborate on the "things" they desire in a man - but most of the time they're describing one of two things:
   1) A man that does not exist.
   2) An attractive man that also has "x qualities".

   In any case - here's my view on life itself, just my 2 cents and I'm doing it. I'm living a good life - and that's the best revenge for any ex.

   Posted 1 year ago #
6. 

   ernest
   

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   "I'm living a good life"

   If she finds that out onizuka,you is in Big trouble!

   Posted 1 year ago #
7. 

   spacecowboy57
   

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   ernest- It means she wants a man to hold her purse while she asks you if things make her look fat for hours on end, mostly so you can be there when it's time to pay, then she will of course need a pack mule to haul her stuff back to the car.

   onizuka- Ir i had a dime for every profile like that i'd be rich enough to buy a mail order bride. Every profile states "I want an intelligent man who I can have deep conversation with and will treat me right" what it means is "I want an intelligent man who I can have deep conversation with and will treat me right, and is 6 ft tall, bronze and jacked like that guy from that vampire movie"

   I plugged this equation into a very sophisticated computation program and it spat out "DNE" as the solution.

   Posted 1 year ago #
8. 

   dudleydipstick
   

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   "I'm a little superstitious." = My inane rituals will complicate most everything and make me, and even you, constantly late.

   "Family comes first." = You'll have in-laws before you even buy the cow. (There are exceptions, though.)

   "I get along better with my guy friends." = I'll constantly make you feel like you're competing with people who's last intention is to have a platonic friendship.

   Translated by my first date bullshit detector.

   Posted 1 year ago #
9. 

   ernest
   

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   LMAO spacecowboy57.One last question,if I may.Why didn't most Dads teach us all this?I would of still had my last two houses.

   Posted 1 year ago #
10. 

    spacecowboy57
    

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    dudley you are absolutely brilliant.

    Posted 1 year ago #
11. 

    onizuka
    

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    ernest: they know, they just aren't going to admit it.

    Posted 1 year ago #
12. 

    Kevin
    

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    Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't kill 'em!

    Check Out Our Sister Site - Cigar Chronicles
    
    Certified Master Tobacconist (CMT) #1858

    Posted 1 year ago #
13. 

    spacecowboy57
    

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    indeed kevin

    and ernest, our dads didn't have internet dating.

    Posted 1 year ago #
14. 

    ernest
    

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    Thats a good point spacecowboy57.

    I was just thinking how I have never met a women yet that was capable of having "Deep Conversation",or hold one.

    Wouldn't that give them brownie points when they advertise they can do that?

    I might have to check one of those out to see what its like.

    Posted 1 year ago #
15. 

    cortezattic
    

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    My advice to a son, if I had one, would be to seek out a woman who is naturally quiet (taciturn),
    and isn't into buying shoes. Everything else will take care of itself.

    I find myself sitting idly on the line dividing past and future,
    as if I could kill time without injuring eternity. -- Thoreau

    Posted 1 year ago #
16. 

    Kevin
    

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    Here's some more advice to a son.

    1. Don't get married.

    2. If you ignore rule number one, then marry a girl that was born on February 14, and get married on February 14.

    That way you can get Valentine's Day, Wedding Anniversary, and Birthday all out of the way in one shot, and you are also less likely to forget any them.

    Posted 1 year ago #
17. 

    Bubba
    

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    Kevin, I always say...

    "Women, can't live with...."

    and I stop there!

    Mason jars and bale top jars, mason jars and bale top jars.... that is all!
    
    "There’s truth in the statement that pipe tobacco will never be any less expensive than it is today, so think of your cellar as a cost averaged investment" - G.L. Pease

    Posted 1 year ago #
18. 

    wallbright
    

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    Here's some more advice to a son.

    1. Don't get married.

    2. If you ignore rule number one, then marry a girl that was born on February 14.

    That way you can get Valentine's Day, Wedding Anniversary, and Birthday all out of the way in one shot, and you are also less likely to forget any them.

    Haha I was smart enough to start dating my girlfriend on valentines day. She thought it was sweet, and I can just take her to one dinner for valentines and anniversary >:). It has saved me alot of money thus far. I am dreading the day though that we get married on a different day and then have a child. Then I have mother's day, valentines day, anniversary, birthday, Christmas, and random holidays like thanksgiving where I will have to buy plane tickets to see her folks :-/ haha.

    Posted 1 year ago #
19. 

    ernest
    

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    How about this one spacecowboy57?

    "I am searching for someone who can see me for what I am"

    .....and then 5 months later she said..

    "I'm leaving you so I can find myself.

    So I told her to stay right there while I go 3000 miles west and look for her.Never went back.

    Posted 1 year ago #
20. 

    mlaug
    

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    I'm a firm believer in one of Hobie's sig lines: Marry the right person, this one decision will determine 90% of your happiness.

    I've been married 27 years.

    Lucky, I guess.

    "America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." - Claire Wolfe

    Posted 1 year ago #
21. 

    excav8tor
    

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    A picture says a thousand words
    

    "A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth." - C.S. Lewis

    Posted 1 year ago #
22. 

    ernest
    

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    excav8tor...In some cases it is probably worse then that.

    None the less,very funny.

    Posted 1 year ago #
23. 

    spacecowboy57
    

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    hey ernest, i found this one earlier today
    "I want a man who is going to judge me based on my heart, not my looks. I'm not here to advertise my body"
    Her profile pic was her half naked in a slutty halloween costume.

    Posted 1 year ago #
24. 

    reddazes
    

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    Part of me feels like I should stick up for my fellow females... but, women are catty, self centered, and evil (as I have said before) :P... so I'll just giggle instead. Then again, with few exceptions, I've never been that fond of other women...not being raised around many except my mother and all that.

    My favorite line I have ever heard other women say: "I want a man that's good looking, but I don't want him prettier than me." = "I want a good looking guy who thinks he can't do better than me, so I never have to worry about him leaving."

    The best advice I can give you is nev- Oh look shoes!

    "The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read." ~Mark Twain~
    --
    "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself."-Walt Whitman: Song of Myself

    Posted 1 year ago #
25. 

    Kevin
    

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    LOL Red. I was wondering when you would chime in on this.

    I really appreciate your honesty about women in general.

    I agree.

    In my experience, every woman I've ever been involved with has been catty, self centered, and evil, but they were all in denial about those attributes. So it's actually nice to hear a woman say that other women are like that.

    Posted 1 year ago #
26. 

    ernest
    

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    Ya,I believe it spacecowboy57.I don't know what to think anymore.At one time it may have taken a little while to see someones true colors,but now you see it in the first line or two.It's almost embarrassing.

    If you see anymore spacecowboy57,please post them so we can put this jigsaw puzzle together and stay on top of what seems to be an epidemic.

    If nothing else,I sure LMAO at the ones you find.

    Posted 1 year ago #
27. 

    reddazes
    

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    ^_^ LOL Kevin. It's the truth though. Women are pretty horrible. ^_^ My father always taught me that being honest was always better than trying to lie to make yourself look good. So I have come to accept the fact that my gender is evil...and I am not necessarily an exception. hehe

    I'm just lucky that Penguin is willing to put up with my crap, cause while I try my best not to be a like that, I know I fail more than I succeed. -.-

    ^_^

    Posted 1 year ago #
28. 

    dudleydipstick
    

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    Reddazes wrote:
    

    So I have come to accept the fact that my gender is evil...and I am not necessarily an exception.

    None of the translations apply to women that smoke pipes, they're truly above reproach.

    Posted 1 year ago #
29. 

    reddazes
    

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    Until we make you break the bank to buy us all sorts of shiny pipes and tobacco and then utterly refuse to share any of them with you! BUHAHAHA! XP

    Posted 1 year ago #
30. 

    excav8tor
    

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    I've said it before and I'll say it again. To a guy, marriage means that a penny bun ends up costing him tuppence....lol

    Posted 1 year ago #
31. 

    chuckw
    

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    Marry the right person indeed. It will be 53 years come December 18. I was in the Army for 12 of those years and a cross-country truck driver until Dec. 4 2008. She raised the family and kept our home together. She is still here. She is my partner, my best friend and my bride. She says she is lucky to have me but I know better. I'm the lucky one! Am I bragging? You bet your sweet donkey I am.

    I've always been crazy but it's kept me from going insane.

    Posted 1 year ago #
32. 

    reddazes
    

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    Cheers to you Chuck! You lucky devil you! ^_^

    Posted 1 year ago #
33. 

    ernest
    

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    Right on chuckw and congratulations.I bet she gets nice Anniversary presents.

    Posted 1 year ago #
34. 

    excav8tor
    

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    When you find a diamond, don't brag about it until you know its FULL value.

    Chuck.... brag away

    Posted 1 year ago #
35. 

    searock
    

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    Research has shown that both men and women frequently lie to each other in on line dating sites. The most common lie for a woman is her weight and for a man it's his age.

    Posted 1 year ago #

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