I know this is way off topic from the usual general discussion items here but I could really use some wisdom here and I consider everyone here a friend. If there is one thing this particular forum and website has taught me is that everyone looks out for each other and in this case I’m truly seeking the collective wisdom and help from everyone here.
Ok this is a weird situation. My soulmate and I moved in together in Denver 2 years ago. I was getting a divorce at the time and she took it upon herself to try and beat my evil ex wife. For a little back history, I have known her for about 30 years though we were out of touch for around 15 years; until she found me about the time my divorce started. Ever since we were young we have had a connection. A powerful love and friendship I can’t describe. We never took it to this level until now though. So I went to Oregon to be with her for a while and to clear my head about my ex and to regroup. Together we spoke of all the energy and unspoken thoughts and love that for some reason we did not act on before. After a year there we knew it was right for us to move back to Denver. I have 2 sons (13 and 9) and it was right to be back with them. At least my ex let them visit me in Oregon so that was good. We had to be back with them though so we moved back to Denver. She found a great job and as luck would have it I found one I loved as well. The problem happened when she found out my ex was visiting my soulmates office for therapy. Well my soulmate looked at her records when she knew she should not have. Long story short, she got busted and fired. She took a contract job in Korea for 4 months then came back. 6 months ago she took a job in Germany and loves it there and wants to stay. I can't go for at least 18 months due to alimony and family. Well she has said she was miserable for months missing me. She saw a therapist who basically said she can't focus on the past or future but the now. That worked for her. She regrouped and made new friends. One of those friends is a gentleman who has been divorced for 10 years and supposedly has sworn off relationships. Well they struck up a friendship and now she spends all her time and nights with him. So now she's basically living with another guy now. She says he's not Mr. Right (me) but Mr. Right now. She won't Skype or call any more though. She says she needs to focus on her in the flesh friends. So I'm lost here with a soul mate who won't think about the future. All my close friends are living out of the state and I'm confused on what to do. She says they both compliment each other as she doesn’t want a relationship but like each other’s company. I think that if you spend all your time with someone and sleep with them; well you are in a relationship. I’m trying to be open to this but it’s very hard. I try to believe she does not have any relationship feelings towards this guy but I come from a traditional upbringing. I would love honor and cherish her but I just have the hardest time coping with what she says and what I feel. Whenever I bring this up to her she tells me I’m being dramatic though she still won’t talk about a future with me. I have plans to move out to the Europe area in 18 months or so. The ex will let the kids stay for extended periods and the kids are also cool with the idea of seeing an alternative perspective to living as well. My soulmate and I had planned this as well but with her new situation and my issues with what’s going on, I’m just a little lost on what to do. I’ve had a couple people say that I should cut off all communication and let her deal with this herself and free myself. I’m thinking I may do this. I wish I could embrace this open relationship idea like some folks do these days but I just can’t. I believe in one person for the other.
I guess I’m just asking for suggestions and wisdom here. I’m 45 yet I feel like a stupid teenager here. Thank you all for any suggestions words of wisdom and just plain slap me in the face and come to my senses comments. Sorry this was so long. Thank you all sincerely for your time and consideration.I'm going out this evening and won't be able to answer immediately but I will read, think about, and truly appreciate all thoughts here. Thanks again.
Ok this is a weird situation. My soulmate and I moved in together in Denver 2 years ago. I was getting a divorce at the time and she took it upon herself to try and beat my evil ex wife. For a little back history, I have known her for about 30 years though we were out of touch for around 15 years; until she found me about the time my divorce started. Ever since we were young we have had a connection. A powerful love and friendship I can’t describe. We never took it to this level until now though. So I went to Oregon to be with her for a while and to clear my head about my ex and to regroup. Together we spoke of all the energy and unspoken thoughts and love that for some reason we did not act on before. After a year there we knew it was right for us to move back to Denver. I have 2 sons (13 and 9) and it was right to be back with them. At least my ex let them visit me in Oregon so that was good. We had to be back with them though so we moved back to Denver. She found a great job and as luck would have it I found one I loved as well. The problem happened when she found out my ex was visiting my soulmates office for therapy. Well my soulmate looked at her records when she knew she should not have. Long story short, she got busted and fired. She took a contract job in Korea for 4 months then came back. 6 months ago she took a job in Germany and loves it there and wants to stay. I can't go for at least 18 months due to alimony and family. Well she has said she was miserable for months missing me. She saw a therapist who basically said she can't focus on the past or future but the now. That worked for her. She regrouped and made new friends. One of those friends is a gentleman who has been divorced for 10 years and supposedly has sworn off relationships. Well they struck up a friendship and now she spends all her time and nights with him. So now she's basically living with another guy now. She says he's not Mr. Right (me) but Mr. Right now. She won't Skype or call any more though. She says she needs to focus on her in the flesh friends. So I'm lost here with a soul mate who won't think about the future. All my close friends are living out of the state and I'm confused on what to do. She says they both compliment each other as she doesn’t want a relationship but like each other’s company. I think that if you spend all your time with someone and sleep with them; well you are in a relationship. I’m trying to be open to this but it’s very hard. I try to believe she does not have any relationship feelings towards this guy but I come from a traditional upbringing. I would love honor and cherish her but I just have the hardest time coping with what she says and what I feel. Whenever I bring this up to her she tells me I’m being dramatic though she still won’t talk about a future with me. I have plans to move out to the Europe area in 18 months or so. The ex will let the kids stay for extended periods and the kids are also cool with the idea of seeing an alternative perspective to living as well. My soulmate and I had planned this as well but with her new situation and my issues with what’s going on, I’m just a little lost on what to do. I’ve had a couple people say that I should cut off all communication and let her deal with this herself and free myself. I’m thinking I may do this. I wish I could embrace this open relationship idea like some folks do these days but I just can’t. I believe in one person for the other.
I guess I’m just asking for suggestions and wisdom here. I’m 45 yet I feel like a stupid teenager here. Thank you all for any suggestions words of wisdom and just plain slap me in the face and come to my senses comments. Sorry this was so long. Thank you all sincerely for your time and consideration.I'm going out this evening and won't be able to answer immediately but I will read, think about, and truly appreciate all thoughts here. Thanks again.
