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If I Were Trump...

(33 posts)
  1. rhoadsie

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    Forget the presidency, I'd acquire J.F. Germain & Sons so I had unlimited Penzance and Stonehaven. I'd smoke it, roll in it, supply it to this forum. Okay, just kidding (maybe).

    But seriously, I would build a cellar of Peck-like proportions. I would have all the blends I currently love plus a sampling (or more) of all those on the list to try. Aged tobacco like Original Balkan Sobranie for $325 a tin?, BAM done. Hard to acquire tobacco would become not so hard to acquire.

    On the other hand, my pipe collection would remain relatively unchanged. I'd stick with my tried and true pipes.

    What say you?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. aggravatedfarmer

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    Money buys nothing. It just allows you to acquire certain things.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. woodsroad

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    And nothing is forever.

    Have you smoked any superannuated blends?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. redpanda

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    I'd still be sippin' my Orlik GS, but on my veranda in my nice house on the French Riviera or something.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  5. warren

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    Purchasing something is certainly a way of acquiring. So is stealing, growing, bartering, and borrowing. I miss your distinction aggravated.

    If I were Trump I suppose I'd behave as Trump does. Now, if I had his money well, that's something different. I would seriously go all in on a cure for cancers. Frivolously? I'd buy a sufficient number of senators so that I could run the country without having to be president. Being president is over rated. Of course the problem is finding senators that once bought, they stay bought!

    A man without a shillelagh is a man without an expedient.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  6. elbert

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    I'm with redpanda--but by "nice house" I mean a quaint and well built little cottage on a low hill somewhere, surrounded by pasture, field, stream, and woodlot, miles from any neighbor.

    "An thou hast them, smoketh them!" -An Old Philosopher
    Posted 3 years ago #
  7. misterlowercase

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    Posted 3 years ago #
  8. hakchuma

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    If I were trump, everything I would do would be for the benifit of my family or my wallet, which would mean I would not own any pipes or smoke tobacco. :P.

    "From tempers be it known that we are warm in the fields of battle and cool in the hours of debate"

    - Pushmataha, Choctaw Chief
    Posted 3 years ago #
  9. redpanda

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    Misterlowercase: You know what? Screw it. I have just decided I am going to sell enough of my pipes to raise the money for an Eltang poker. And one with a bamboo stem at that. This is it. I've been thinking of it for months now, and I've had enough. It's decided. Thank you.

    and Elbert: That will also do. But let us add some water,like a lake or a nearby river.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  10. rhoadsie

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    Simplified...If money were no object, which would rule: 1) TAD, 2) PAD, 3) Both, or 4) Go fly a kite, let's see where this thread goes!

    @ woodsroad...what definition of superannuated are you referring to? Out-of-date, old-fashioned, obsolete or other?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  11. mso489

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    With way too many pipes and tobacco sufficient for at least several years out for my moderate habit, I'm not sure that abundant riches would go to a more expensive pipe smoking life. In fact, there would be an ironic pleasure as I boarded my yacht, or sat on the board of some educational or medical institution that I had endowed, to step on deck or outdoors and light up my good old Yello-Bole or MM cob freehand. Sometimes you just know a good thing when you see it.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  12. cortezattic

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    ...I wouldn't be spending my time online with you guys. I'd be busy with Melania.

    I find myself sitting idly on the line dividing past and future,
    as if I could kill time without injuring eternity. -- Thoreau
    Posted 3 years ago #
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    frozenchurchwarden

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    Part of what makes these sorts of hobbies appealing is the idea that you, yes little old you, can have the best in the world.
    Millions of dollars can't buy you a better pipe, or better tobacco, and it certainly can't buy any real friends to share it with. It's a classic irony, the things we want don't always make us happy.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  14. thedudeabides

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    I am pretty sure I would not bother with running for President.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  15. brian64

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    If I were born on third base, perhaps I too would be under the delusion I had hit a triple.

    “Bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” – George Carlin
    Posted 3 years ago #
  16. elbert

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    I'm still waiting for someone to start harvesting digested tobacco leaves from the feces of the Asian Palm Civet, so that I can finally spend the money that would be required to buy the kind of quality blend that I so richly deserve.

    Posted 3 years ago #
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    frozenchurchwarden

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    While we're on the topic of ways to make things more expensive.

    http://pipesmagazine.com/forums/topic/burnt-rims-and-wanton-violence
    Cosmic:

    Me? I'm not filthy rich, but the one thing that I splurge on are my pipes. I like to keep boxes of Dunhills in my Yugo, and as I finish a bowl while driving to my burger flippin' job, I just toss them out the window, because the best smoke you'll ever get is that first one in each pipe. Reuse a pipe?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  18. danielplainview

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrAU7F4RmDk

    Make aromatics great again.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  19. aggravatedfarmer

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    Warren: I was simply stating that the use of money allows you to aquire other things. If I had more money than that $500 pipe would not look so expensive. However it is out of price range for me and I'm more happy with a couple petersons and a few Ehrlichs. It has always been that more money allows you to aquire more things. You can't steal land (unless if you have a lot of money or an entity such as our fed, state, or local government.). Theft is a short term solution (that is rightfully unlawful) to a long term problem. The bartering system is good on a small scale level in our society. Trade a tin of this for a tin of that. It's hard to do land, or houses, cars, etcetera. Those items become a persona after aquirement. You can't grow law. You can clear trees for land that can be used for agriculture, but no land is new anymore. A friendly tip, if you have a lot of money, buy land that can be farmed. Lease it out to a local farmer, don't get greedy and develop it. Let your children inherit it. You can grow crops, but have to pay for someone eventually to process it unless you are small enough and only doing it for yourself. And finally leasing. If you have as much money as trump you wouldn't ever borrow money. People of his caliber are above the banks and outright buy. Leasing (in my opinion) is a bad idea in many cases. In fact I even think it has diluted our society because people aren't buying their own property and become life long leasers and waste money on "paying rent" than making a house payment. You lose all equity when leasing. Leasing equipment and ag ground are feasible options, but you still don't own it and have no say.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  20. warren

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    No new land? Don't tell the Chinese that. They're are busy creating a couple of new islands. Nature is always creating new land even as it destroys land through erosion it's building deltas of rich arable soil. The earth is ever evolving, volcanoes push up out of the oceans frequently

    If you are addressing only arable land, reclamation projects around the world are creating more all the time. More and more people are needing to be fed. More and more countries are starting to export food stuffs with better transportation and growing methods. American farmers can no longer rely on protective tariffs for success. The American will not support such any longer. They are too conscious of their wallets and look for value, not "home grown" at higher costs.

    Trump uses banks all the time for financing projects. The riskier the project the less likely it will be that he will use only his own moneys. He gets partners. It's much healthier for his bottom line to minimize his exposure while maximizing his profits. And, I am sure he keeps his personal moneys very separate from his corporate moneys. Getting rich requires a lot of thought, work and foresight. Or, being lucky at lotto. Staying rich requires even more hard work and thought.

    Leasing can make a lot of sense, especially when cost of ownership does not balance with maintenance costs or depreciation. Some equipment is too costly to keep up, especially when that equipment is used sparingly and sits most of the time, depreciating, rusting, and possibly becoming outmoded as new, more efficient models become available.

    It's not good to become too "hidebound" when looking a different business models. Leasing can be a money saver. Renting the same. Co-ops may be viable in certain circumstances. It pays to look at all viable options when preparing to spend considerable amounts of money. One should never reject an option without a thorough examination of benefits vs risks.

    No-one really owns their own home. I have no mortgage, purchased my house with cash. Yet, if I can't make a property tax payment the government will come, at the point of a gun, and evict me, sell the property after a time, keep what I owe with interest and give me the remainder. One only "owns" a house at the sufferance of the government.

    One of the best pieces of financial advise I ever received was: "Never purchase your primary residence as an 'investment.' It should be thought of as your home, a roof over your head, protection for your family. The market may go south but, you will always have your home as long as you can pay the taxes."

    It is no longer the simple agrarian world Thomas Jefferson so admired and desired. It's a big, complicated sphere which requires knowledge, agility and forethought to survive. We can wish for a simpler time but, wishing is simply a waste a of time. One must learn to function in an ever widening and sophisticated world or be left behind, dreaming of simpler times. Simpler times which required long, hard hours of physical labor to survive and shorter life spans were the order of the day.

    I'm getting long here. But, aggrivatedfarmer, you have my sympathy and empathy. From your posts I have an impression, correct I hope, of how you are endeavoring to live and survive. It's a tough life where any little misstep can be fatal to your dream. And I sincerely wish you success!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  21. deathmetal

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    I'm not sure that abundant riches would go to a more expensive pipe smoking life.

    Me either. I might go a bit nuts hoarding some tobacco at first, but I still won't pay over market prices for Esoterica blends.


    A friendly tip, if you have a lot of money, buy land that can be farmed. Lease it out to a local farmer, don't get greedy and develop it. Let your children inherit it.

    This was the system under feudalism through late Edwardian times. Seemed to work pretty well.


    No-one really owns their own home. I have no mortgage, purchased my house with cash.

    I think this was the point AF was making. All that matters now are investments, but all of this stuff is transient because it is dependent upon the stability of a political, economic and cultural (?) order.

    And Rome trembles from below...

    "My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whiskey." -- William Faulkner

    The Metal Mixtures
    Posted 3 years ago #
  22. chasingembers

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    I'd dump most of it on Syria, and tell them to start producing latakia again.

    Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you.
    -Edward Teach
    Posted 3 years ago #
  23. newfie

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    Because of the fact I live in what can be considered the tobacco arsehole of the world, I would open a tobacco shop specializing in fine tobaccos, good pipes and accessories along with Nicaraguan and Cuban cigars. (Nothing cigarette related)

    Profit would not be an issue, it would be more of a public service.

    Happiness is a warm bowl and a dry puck.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  24. lordofthepiperings

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    If I were Trump I'd finally get around to shaving my head. That horrible comb over was bad when he started doing it 30yrs ago.

    "The thinking man always smokes a Peterson." -Peterson of Dublin
    Posted 3 years ago #
  25. mso489

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    If I were Trump, well, you know, people love me so much, the artisanal pipe carvers would just send me their very best pipes encrusted with jewels for free, for nothing ... because they love me so much. And the best pipe carvers of the past, who are gone now ... their families and other collectors would just send me the rarest pipes, just because they know I'm so rich and so talented, and they'd just want me to have those. That's how everybody feels about me. I'm terrific, and so rich. And tobacco, I own big tobacco companies so I'd just have my people pull up a truck and take what I want, a big eighteen wheeler, and it wouldn't cost me a thing. I'm wonderful, they know I'm wonderful. You can see that.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  26. rhoadsie

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    That was perfect mso489! I can totally picture Trump saying that.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  27. deathmetal

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    Repeal tobacco taxes.

    That's about the only thing I can say without getting political, and that's unwise in polite company.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  28. cosmicfolklore

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    No more pipecleaners! I would just drive around with a pile of brand new Dunhills in their boxes on my servant's lap. Have her load one up for me to smoke it, and then just toss it out the window when done. It would also solve problems with that nasty cake building up in my pipes. Mmmmmm, every pipe full, a fresh pipe.

    Michael
    Posted 3 years ago #
  29. johnnyreb

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    I don't know how much he is worth, and this could drain the coffers in a hurry but I would enter the race against Robert Bigelow & Richard Branson to privatize outer space. One of the original founders of Microsoft (Robert Allen?) is working towards that goal also. The gov't would cooperate fully & probably give you anything you want. The potential to make billions in the not to distant future is certainly there and it would be exciting to compete.

    Rebels been rebels since I don't know when
    Posted 3 years ago #
  30. elbert

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    Elon Musk (paypal) runs SpaceX. And I don't know about the Government giving them whatever they need. Between the stupidly short-sighted Helium sell-off and the lack of concern over the Chinese monopoly on rare-earth elements, it doesn't seem like our leaders are bothering themselves over our technological future.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  31. johnnyreb

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    The gov't is already cooperating with Bigelow & Branson. NASA & other gov't scientists are already on loan to Bigelow Aerospace. The next space shuttle will be private and the gov't will just pay to ride along with their payloads. They don't have the money to do otherwise, & they want everything to be privatized to protect information from release thru FOIA.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  32. redpanda

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    " I would just drive around with a pile of brand new Dunhills in their boxes on my servant's lap. Have her load one up for me to smoke it, and then just toss it out the window when done"

    That would be nice, a real pipe extravaganza.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  33. jpmcwjr

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    Now you're making the ghost of John Paul Getty very angry. He wouldn't have thrown a basket pipe out the window, and not because littering is against the law in civilized parts of the world, but because his frugality was legendary. I now start to wonder if any billionaire is wantonly wasteful. Anyone know?

    My line would be I drop a Dunny on the concrete and have my butler send it off to one of the fine pipe restorers here, no sweat. This would be after one of the maids ran to pick it up and the others were cooing around asking how they could make me feel better- massage, drink, new pipe? Twenty year old Penzance, Sir, or some Westminster?

    I know that you believe you understood what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
    Posted 3 years ago #

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