I think I'm in serious poop. Please tell me how you handle this situation

Log in

SmokingPipes.com Updates

New Cigars




PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

Status
Not open for further replies.

shikano53

Lifer
May 26, 2015
2,060
8,084
I couldn't help myself. It just happened. I was minding my own business, seriously working on keeping my PAD suppressed, when this Nording seduced me. I told myself, no, no, no! Walk away, walk away now! If you buy this and my better half finds out, I will have to move to Chile or Argentina or something and I couldn't even imagine how difficult it would be to get tobacco delivered to Chile. I mean getting tobacco to my home in Central Alberta is difficult enough. But this Nording Moss sitter called to me. I felt myself weakening. "Chris," it called so softly and seductively. Chris, I know you want me. We were made for each other, take me please!" NOOOooooooooooooooooooo!

But it was no use. I thought, I can't afford this. Wait that's why God made MasterCard and besides, I rationalized, you have a firearms safe in your man-cave that has lots and lots of room for hiding contraband. I mean, every pipe smoker knows if you leave pipes unattended they breed at night. It's not uncommon for say a Peterson and a Nording to copulate and to have offspring, and the next time you open your pipe case why, there are a set of twins just sitting there!

I have explained this to my wife on other occasions telling her that I had absolutely no idea how those two new pipes got there but I couldn't remove them from their parents so they would have to stay.

She said, "Chris, you are so full of stuff coming out of the south end of a north bound moose that it's ridiculous." Anyway, I digress. So twenty minutes later I was sitting here staring stupidly at my credit card in my hand reading a, "Thank you for your purchase your shipping confirmation number is blah, blah, blah blah" kind of email and I said, "Oh my God! What have I done!" Then my cunning and devious PAD brain kicked in and I thought, "You're safe, Chris you're safe. It's good. My wife doesn't know a briar from a toothbrush and even though I now have umm, let's say my collection has grown astronomically in the last bit, as long as I smoke one of my briars I'm good, because to her, they are all the same shape and color. She made my Meerschaum last week though. I made the mistake of carrying it up from my man-cave to the garage where I smoke, and she saw the beautiful creamy color of it while I was stroking it whispering, "My precious," and she used an expletive that I won't repeat here because it would offend my pipe smoking brethren s refined sensibilities. I try to be considerate of my fellow pipe smokers. Anyway, my new Nording arrived.

So tell me please, what do I do? Is it OK to keep contraband hidden from your wife if she has no idea that you have more than one pipe? Do I wait six months and then fess up, say at Christmas time when I present her with her gift like a nicely wrapped up band saw? Or do I move somewhere remote with my pipes and tobacco.

I know you guys are wise and experienced controlling your PAD? Please tell me what to do?

Chris in Red Deer, Alberta. Waiting for advice.



 

rigmedic1

Lifer
May 29, 2011
3,896
75
You need to have about a hundred pipes in your collection. That way, when she sees one that she doesn't remember you having, you can say: "What? This old thing? I have had it for years, thought I would take it out for a smoke of two."

 

Chasing Embers

Captain of the Black Frigate
Nov 12, 2014
43,250
108,355
The vows tend to say, "In sickness and in health". PAD is a sickness. Just saying.

 

wyfbane

Lifer
Apr 26, 2013
5,117
3,517
Tennessee
Brother, I am with you. I have $27 in checking until Monday. I didn't seem to care as I got a John Bessai square shanked Billiard off of ebay today for $45.
lol

 

elbert

Part of the Furniture Now
Mar 10, 2015
604
28
As a single guy, I have only my conscience to rely upon...a most dubious and ineffectual traveling companion, I must say! That's a beautiful pipe.

 

tarak

Lifer
Jun 23, 2013
1,528
15
South Dakota
Yeah I actually don't care for the whole "lie to your wife" or "overspend your account" culture we have around here. My wife knows what I get. That's probably explains why I only need one pipe rack :)

 

shikano53

Lifer
May 26, 2015
2,060
8,084
This post is anecdotal in nature and was meant to bring a smile and or a chuckle to the people on this site, which I hope I have accomplished. I try and do this in all the books I have published and the books sitting in the publishing queue. Warmth, laughter and love and how rich and good life is. I don't, never have and never will lie to my wife.
That principal has served me well for over 43 years of marriage and has also been installed into our children and is being instilled into our grandchildren.

However, that being said, it makes the suffering of PAD that much worse, or more fun. Ya'll decide which it is. :)

Chris in Red Deer, Alberta

 

wyfbane

Lifer
Apr 26, 2013
5,117
3,517
Tennessee
I figured your post was anecdotal, but knowing you've been married 43 years just proves it. If you were dishonest you wouldn't be blabbing in 30 days into your membership to some forum.
Yeah I actually don't care for the whole "lie to your wife" or "overspend your account" culture we have around here. My wife knows what I get. That's probably explains why I only need one pipe rack
To each their own. I could take umbrage with some guy sniping at my spending habits, but I don't because the field in which I grow the fucks I give is dry and barren.
:nana:

 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,210
60,433
Forums members are wise and experienced about PAD? What Forums have you been reading? We struggle, try to make sense of it, discuss it at length, then buy another pipe, so help us. Try waiting a long time to smoke the new pipes, to dull the need for the next one. Deflect PAD attacks with smaller TAD purchases. Distract yourself with other interests. Get really involved with selecting among your too many pipes, and spend time cleaning and polishing them. By the way, that's a really nice Nording.

 

wyfbane

Lifer
Apr 26, 2013
5,117
3,517
Tennessee
I am by my own admission an imbecile where PAD is concerned. But I have nice pipes and a forgiving wife (who knows all. I am a huge proponent of transparency in matrimony).
Once I retire this fall, I will be broke for who knows how long. Stocking up now is a must. I may never have purchasing power like this again.

 
Status
Not open for further replies.