Yup. I do. I didn't before. I must confess that I thought levitation was a cheap parlor trick or some kind of carnival act rigged with wires, but no more. I am a believer.
My wife snores. According to her, women don't snore, but the truth is she snores like a pack of 15 year old border collies. The reason I know border collies snore is we had one. She always slept across the bottom of our bed. Well, that's not exactly true. She slept across the bed in such a fashion that it usually pushed my wife and I to the outer edges of the bed. Anyway back to the point of the story. Levitation.
Now perhaps some of you have an S/O that snores. You see, my children and grand children call my wife mom or grandma. I on the other hand call her the dreaded grandma person because her wrath once aroused, is terrible to behold. It has been alleged that at times, when I am safely locked in my man-garage with my pipe and a bottle of 15 year Glenfiddich, I have referred to her as the dragon-lady. I do not believe for one second that I have ever referred to my best beloved in that fashion and that these are viscous rumors and gossip perpetuated by some of my single malt sipping brethren. Lies, all lies.
The second fact about my S/O that snores is that I can't just tweak her nose and hope she rolls over into a new position minus the stentorian wheezing. There has to be an egress route planned before I tweak her nose. It has to be very, very carefully thought out and if at all possible, it should be practiced and rehearsed several times before execution. Old adage, train like you fight, fight like you train..."
So it was 0300 hours and I was laying in the bed wide awake listening to my dearest and best stockpiling wood as if she had a psychic informant who told her to prepare for the next ice-age.
I was gazing right at her wondering if I should execute operation Trumpet when all of a sudden she snorked. I'm not kidding. A snork is not a snore. Snoring generally tends to have a certain cadence and pattern. An up and down flow. A snork is an entirely different animal. It scared the living Be-Danial out of me. Before my startled eyes she lifted two feet horizontally off the bed and when she came down she bolted up-right and spoke. Actually what came out of her mouth was very UN-grandma like and I'm very glad there were no grand children present. She repeated it numerous times and I might have this wrong since I was in the first stages of executing my egress plan Trumpet, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't, 'Light a shuck', which I think is Texan for let's beat feet and light the torch although it did sound close and I'm pretty sure the first word was WHAT but I have no idea what that is about. I'm pretty sure a SNORK is what your body does when your heart stops beating and decides to kick start itself back up again. In the morning when I tried to explain to her what had happened her only response was a snort, which is a different story. She snorts because she is jealous of my deep scientific knowledge and that I take the time to pass my vast knowledge to my grand children's education by explaining scientific facts to them. So yesterday I was in my man-cave and I home brewed a set of medical resuscitation paddles from a car battery and two old drywall spatulas. I'm ready to zap her the next time she snorks.
I'm sure she will be happy at my mechanical and electronic handyman ability if I have to apply this device to her forehead in order to revive her.
My wife snores. According to her, women don't snore, but the truth is she snores like a pack of 15 year old border collies. The reason I know border collies snore is we had one. She always slept across the bottom of our bed. Well, that's not exactly true. She slept across the bed in such a fashion that it usually pushed my wife and I to the outer edges of the bed. Anyway back to the point of the story. Levitation.
Now perhaps some of you have an S/O that snores. You see, my children and grand children call my wife mom or grandma. I on the other hand call her the dreaded grandma person because her wrath once aroused, is terrible to behold. It has been alleged that at times, when I am safely locked in my man-garage with my pipe and a bottle of 15 year Glenfiddich, I have referred to her as the dragon-lady. I do not believe for one second that I have ever referred to my best beloved in that fashion and that these are viscous rumors and gossip perpetuated by some of my single malt sipping brethren. Lies, all lies.
The second fact about my S/O that snores is that I can't just tweak her nose and hope she rolls over into a new position minus the stentorian wheezing. There has to be an egress route planned before I tweak her nose. It has to be very, very carefully thought out and if at all possible, it should be practiced and rehearsed several times before execution. Old adage, train like you fight, fight like you train..."
So it was 0300 hours and I was laying in the bed wide awake listening to my dearest and best stockpiling wood as if she had a psychic informant who told her to prepare for the next ice-age.
I was gazing right at her wondering if I should execute operation Trumpet when all of a sudden she snorked. I'm not kidding. A snork is not a snore. Snoring generally tends to have a certain cadence and pattern. An up and down flow. A snork is an entirely different animal. It scared the living Be-Danial out of me. Before my startled eyes she lifted two feet horizontally off the bed and when she came down she bolted up-right and spoke. Actually what came out of her mouth was very UN-grandma like and I'm very glad there were no grand children present. She repeated it numerous times and I might have this wrong since I was in the first stages of executing my egress plan Trumpet, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't, 'Light a shuck', which I think is Texan for let's beat feet and light the torch although it did sound close and I'm pretty sure the first word was WHAT but I have no idea what that is about. I'm pretty sure a SNORK is what your body does when your heart stops beating and decides to kick start itself back up again. In the morning when I tried to explain to her what had happened her only response was a snort, which is a different story. She snorts because she is jealous of my deep scientific knowledge and that I take the time to pass my vast knowledge to my grand children's education by explaining scientific facts to them. So yesterday I was in my man-cave and I home brewed a set of medical resuscitation paddles from a car battery and two old drywall spatulas. I'm ready to zap her the next time she snorks.
I'm sure she will be happy at my mechanical and electronic handyman ability if I have to apply this device to her forehead in order to revive her.
