I’m Not Cut Out For That Kind Of Stuff.

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indianafrank

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 15, 2014
950
5
My wife and I were invited to a dinner. For me it wasn’t a typical dinner. Nope, this dinner was high class, swanky, and an expensive one for sure…thank God we didn’t have to pay for it.
I’m a steak and potatoes, pasta and cheap wine lover. Give me a greasy spoon diner, fast food and I’m happy. My clothes are designed by Wal-Mart, Old Navy and Bass Pro. But I wore the nice shirt and tie and trimmed my beard so as not to embarrass my wife. The dinner was thrown by her mega rich ex boss.
The ballroom was huge. You could play football in it. An orchestra provided us with Mozart, Beethoven, and some other guy.
We sat at a table that was decorated with cloth napkins, and expensive silverware. I know it was expensive…I know silver. I told my wife. “I’m thinking of putting a fork in my pocket. And look at these nice, silver, salt and pepper shakers. These are really expensive. Maybe I‘ll grab a set of these to.”
“Don’t embarrass me she says.”
“Whata you mean? Now that your retired also, we’ll need the money. I can sell them on Ebay.”
An assortment of appetizers was on the table. There was broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, escargot, caviar, raw oysters on the half shell and various dipping sauce. My wife reminded me twice not to double dip.
In addition, we each had an exquisite looking bowl with a liquid in it.
I placed my spoon in it to taste and my wife smacks me below the table and softly says.
“Honey. What are you doing? That’s a finger bowl.”
“A what? Its not soup?” I answered.
“No. its water to clean your fingers after you tastes the finger foods.”
“Woops. Sorry I said.”
“Geez. I hope no one saw you do that.” She whispered.
“That’s nothing.” I said.
“Pretty soon you will be embarrassed cause all this cauliflower and broccoli has given me gas.”

 

brian64

Lifer
Jan 31, 2011
9,604
14,671
:rofl:
Frank, somehow your posts always remind me of something from Seinfeld.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfprRZQxWps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MCtC_U4e2o

 

agnosticpipe

Lifer
Nov 3, 2013
3,332
3,413
In the sticks in Mississippi
I love reading your stories/life experiences Frank. Your have an open mind and imagination that is something that I can relate to. To be honest, your experiences remind me more of Dave Barry's stories and writing style than anyone else, and that's a good thing. Keep up the good fight! :clap:

 

jpmcwjr

Moderator
Staff member
May 12, 2015
24,570
27,077
Carmel Valley, CA
Well done, Frank! Very amusing; you have a way with words.
A story I heard long ago, but I wasn't there: A foreign ambassador being fêted by Queen Victoria picked up his finger bowl and started sipping (it was ok to do so with soup bowls back then.) Several guests looked horrified until the Queen herself picked up her finger bowl and started quaffing from it.

 

sablebrush52

The Bard Of Barlings
Jun 15, 2013
19,632
44,856
Southern Oregon
jrs457.wixsite.com
Very funny story and very well told!
A story I heard long ago, but I wasn't there: A foreign ambassador being fêted by Queen Victoria picked up his finger bowl and started sipping (it was ok to do so with soup bowls back then.) Several guests looked horrified until the Queen herself picked up her finger bowl and started quaffing from it.
Makes me wonder how she would have handled the following situation:
Jack Warner was hosting a formal dinner at his home, featuring visiting VIPs and a number of Hollywood luminaries, including John Barrymore. Barrymore, as was his custom, was enjoying the various libations with gusto and entertaining the other guests with his sparkling conversation. Well into the dinner Barrymore suddenly stood up and puked all over the table. Ignoring the shocked and horrified guests, Barrymore daintily dabbed at his face with a napkin and turned to Warner, saying, "Don't worry Jack, the white wine came up with the fish."

 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,210
60,433
Some really classy hostess saved a guest embarrassment when he spooned the finger bowl as soup by picking up her soup spoon and doing likewise, since the essence of hospitality is to make your guests feel comfortable. Not that's class. ...oops, Sable already got that one. Duplicate!!!

 

oldmansmoking

Part of the Furniture Now
May 13, 2017
587
65
UK
Your great and a lovely account, don't worry if I was there I probably would done it as well.
Oldmansmoking

 
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