Highs and Lows

professorwheezy · Aug 1, 2013

So yesterday saw both in my pipe smoking world. The high - I sold my first restored pipe to a friend of a friend. The three of us gathered and had several enjoyable bowls out in the side yard. The pipe was a bent bulldog that was in rough shape when I got it. I even told the Ebay Seller I bought it from it was NOT in the "good condition" they stated. It had an off center stem and was very dark and ugly. I asked forums about getting the stem aligned and got lots of good ideas. I stripped it down to wood, got the stem realigned, waxed it and immediately the buyer picked this one up. Felt great to bring something back to life and get paid for it.

The low, I got the riot act and marching orders from my wife. She HATES my smoking. Its not a totally new thing, but I quit for a long time and have just recently come back to it. The ultimatum, I can smoke until the baby comes (November) and then no more. If I smoke after that she's taking the baby and leaving. Ouch.

zonomo · Aug 1, 2013

wow, pretty harsh. I hope that works out. Generally speaking, I don't like ultimatums in relationships. It doesnt seem too healthy. The truth is that she's probably not really willing to be a single mom for the next 18 years because you want to enjoy a pipe from time to time. Perhaps seek to understand.

daytonsean · Aug 1, 2013

Just remember, pregnancy can stir up some wild hormones. Give it some time.

cigrmaster · Aug 1, 2013

Any wife that gives ultimatums obviously cares more about herself than her husband. Smoking outside should never be an issue. I would call her on it and tell her, your needs are just as important and she has no right to make demands like this. If you let her get away with this now, it will never end.

numbersix · Aug 1, 2013

Any wife that gives ultimatums obviously cares more about herself than her husband. Smoking outside should never be an issue. I would call her on it and tell her, your needs are just as important and she has no right to make demands like this. If you let her get away with this now, it will never end.

+1
That is one hell of an ultimatum.
Good luck PW.

numbersix · Aug 1, 2013

FWIW:
Generally speaking, there seems to be this "holier than thou" attitude with people who are against smoking, their attitude being "smoking is bad for you—end of story" which means in their eyes you're 100% wrong and they're 100% right. No middle ground and no room for an open minded discussion.
People who reduce complex issues into overly simplistic arguments are difficult to impossible to reason with. Pipe smoking may have some negative aspects, but what doesn't? Even Jogging on the road could result in death. Ultimately no one gets out alive.

shaintiques · Aug 1, 2013

Sounds like there is more to this story than just smoking.

peckinpahhombre · Aug 1, 2013

Tell her on the way out not to let the door knob hit her where the good Lord split her

daytonsean · Aug 1, 2013

But the dude has a kid on the way. Instead of saying go on and leave, he should try and compromise. Use Cigrmaster's point; everyone has needs.

peckinpahhombre · Aug 1, 2013

Oh sure, try reasoning first, lol. And then give her the ultimatum when that fails.

numbersix · Aug 1, 2013

But the dude has a kid on the way. Instead of saying go on and leave, he should try and compromise.

True enough, but I think you could throw that same argument at the wife, to wit: You have a kid on the way and you want to kick the father out unless you get your way?
What happened to love and respect? My impression is that she is using the argument that he is harming their baby of he continues. Which IMHO is b.s. if he is willing to smoke outdoors and always away from the baby.
Sounds to me that what she really hates is his smoking, period. I would be willing to bet that it has little or nothing to do with the baby's welfare, but more about her using it as an excuse to better control her husband and get her way.
Unfortunately she has placed PW in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. If he chooses smoking, she will leave (or so she says). I'm sure in her mind, if that happened, she'd argue that he chose smoking over their baby.
But conversely it could be argued that she left her husband, deprived her baby of a father - all to get her way.
PW, if you don't mind my saying so - see a therapist. You need a referee to sort this one out. : puffy

:

msutton · Aug 1, 2013

This is one thread where I'm going to have to disagree with the majority. You can never make a hasty decision based on one argument, especially when the other party is pregnant. So, here's my advice:
Be patient with her and help as much as possible during the "nesting" phase (where she gets the house ready for the baby).

Once baby arrives, be the best daddy any baby has ever had -and- continue to smoke outside while being considerate of the mom and baby's time needs.

If she still decides to leave, then you gave 100% and failed.

phred · Aug 1, 2013

PW, if you don't mind my saying so - see a therapist. You need a referee to sort this one out.

+1. My wife and I have been together for 22 years officially (26 if you count from our first date...), and there was a stretch where the patterns of communication we'd learned growing up stopped working for us, so we needed a hand working through what was really going on. Having a trained, neutral third party was enormously helpful.
Good luck to you and yours, professor.

mgolfd · Aug 1, 2013

My deal was I get an hour a night outside in peace and quiet then came #2 now a half hour and no peace, but still smoking, its all about the compromise. On a great note Congrats on the baby now the real fun begins.

bryanf · Aug 1, 2013

I would highly recommend that she reads Ephesians 5:22-33. I hope no one minds that I say this, and it is with no mal intent. Keep in mind that the husbands job is much tougher, if the wives get upset. Following this, it is the man who would have to be willing to die a terrible death for his wife.
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I actually had the opposite situation. My wife gave me an ultimatum to quit chewing Copenhagen and Snus. Not really an ultimatum, in all seriousness, but a very strong request. Now, she is fine with me smoking my pipe all day. However, she HATES 1792 flake, but that's okay because I pretty much do also!

instymp · Aug 1, 2013

+1 Cigar

"Tell her on the way out not to let the door knob hit her where the good Lord split her" Like that line, sounds like a Lawyer. Love it! Never heard it with that diction.
Good luck! Being a major AH at times, I am blessed with the best wife in the world for me. 3rd, thank you Lord.

instymp · Aug 1, 2013

+1 Roth, do what makes you feel really good. Or talk to someone that can help.

peckinpahhombre · Aug 1, 2013

Personally, I don't bargain with terrorists. Maybe we are just too hawkish here in Canada, lol.
In all seriousness, my view is she is blowing smoke (no pun intended). I would call her bluff, My wife would never do that to me, but if she did, I would send her a copy of the pre-nup she signed.

delkhouri · Aug 1, 2013

I can somewhat understand. We are expecting out baby in September and while my wife has given me no such ultimatum we have come to an understanding that I do not smoke inside the house or around the baby. Maybe that kind of arrangement will work for you as well?

peckinpahhombre · Aug 1, 2013

Not smoking in the house to me is a given. I would never do that even if i did have kids.

Highs and Lows

Log in

SmokingPipes.com Updates

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

Site Sponsors

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

Might Stick Around

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lurker

Lifer

Might Stick Around

Part of the Furniture Now

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Can't Leave

Lifer