Coming Out to Non-smoker Parents

dryseason91 · Oct 20, 2013

I feel it's come to the point at last that I need to sit my parents down, take a deep breath, and admit to being a pipe-smoker. This is an inevitably difficult but unavoidable time in any young puffer's life and I can only hope that my parents can accept my new hobby not as a choice but a vocation, and though I might not be finding any briar under the Christmas tree this year I'll count myself lucky if they don't kick me out of the house. Of course it's good to know that I can rely on the support of everyone here. What tack should I go with? 'At least I'm not smoking cigarettes'? 'It's a pastime, not an addiction'? Or, 'Listen to this, you'll find this hilarious, right, bear with me now, but would you believe I've started...' etc. Thanks.

puffy · Oct 20, 2013

My mother told me that smoking a pipe would kill me.My father told me that he didn't think I should smoke.Then he told me that as an adult I had the right to make my own decision.Neither of my parents smoked.Out of respect I never smoked in their house.I spent a a good many hours on their porch though.

tarak · Oct 20, 2013

Dryseason - l assume you're of legal age to start. If not, that's different.
I'd be honest and respectful. Honor their position as your parents, and let them know it's a choice you are making.
Good luck sir.

andrew369 · Oct 20, 2013

Don't worry about it too much.

I got my first pipe a year ago when I turned 18 as a sort of self given coming of age gift. My parents are both strongly anti-tobacco, especially my dad being asthmatic. In the beginning they were a little angsty about it, but over time they came to like the smell of some of the blends, and are now full on enabling me by buying me tobacco while away :D. And explain there is zero addiction factor with pipes (other than wanting to buy mmmoorreee), I went for a solid few months without a single bowl there and am only getting back into the hobby now. As for the health side everyone knows tobacco is bad, but a couple bowls a day compared to chain smoking is nothing even close in comparison. Best off just coming clean and telling them. If I could win over my parents anyone can.

latbomber · Oct 20, 2013

Just be honest, I encountered a similar situation and got some snide comments at first, but then it was "that smells good!" and "can I try a puff?"

dryseason91 · Oct 20, 2013

Thanks everyone. Just a case of ripping off the bandage I suppose.
@tarak - I'm 22 but legalities don't mean much when you've got a concerned mother in the vanguard :P

woodsroad · Oct 20, 2013

First off, tell them that you are gay, and a Scientologist.

Then mention that you've taken up the pipe.
It will be much easier that way.

rebornbriar · Oct 20, 2013

You just have to take their reaction on the chin! My dad is 83 and has smoked cigarettes and the pipe on and off since he was 14. My mum still gives him angst about smoking every single day in life. Had it been me, I think I would have smothered her by now

Needless to say, I get he same grief from her and I am nearly 50. It doesn't matter what age you are, you will always be your mother's "wee boy". I have just learned to ignore it.
Strange thing about her anti-smoking views is that, along with my dad, she worked in Gallahers. I keep reminding her that tobacco provided her income most of her life and now her pension

allan · Oct 20, 2013

First off, tell them that you are gay, and a Scientologist.

Then mention that you've taken up the pipe.
It will be much easier that way.

Agree with all those above. It will be difficult, but needs to be done.
I still get grief from my wife and daughter, and I'm quite a few decades older than you.
Good luck and tell us how it goes.

numbersix · Oct 20, 2013

Good for you dryseason. One thing to remind your folks is that pipe smoking is akin to cigar smoking (which many people seem to be okay with). Point out that Arnold Schwarzenegger smokes cigars (he was the first elected to the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports), as do many athletes, to wit:
http://www.cigaraficionado.com/webfeatures/show/id/Cigar-All-Stars_8511
This may not help your case completely, but if other tacts aren't working, may be worth a shot. : puffy

:
It's not an easy thing to so I applaud your willingness to do so. Good luck and let us know the outcome.

mso489 · Oct 20, 2013

People tend to react in response to your emotions in telling them something. If you feel trepidation and

guilt, they will tend to respond with paternal authority and warnings. The more straightforward and matter

of fact you are, the more evenhanded they will be. Any parent is going to feel it's their assignment to give

you back the health warnings they've heard, so accept that. But if you are composed and calm, that will help

them not be over-emotional. Good luck. It's a good exercise in asserting your adulthood, so don't be a

bratty or whiny teenager. Be matter-of-fact and calm as you can. Arrange thing so you have time to discuss

this a little, but so that there is a time limit for you to reasonably withdraw, whatever there reaction is.

kris · Oct 20, 2013

Just remember to enter this argument whilst you have a pipe in your hand.
It is a proven FACT that people will believe every word AS LONG AS YOU'RE HOLDING A PIPE!!! :wink:

metalheadycigarguy · Oct 20, 2013

Best approach is to be honest. Tell them why you took up the hobby, and assure them its only a hobby and not an addiction. Explain to them that there are some benefits to the hobby as well. Remind them you are fully aware of health risks but also share that there are some health benefits as well. I suggest doing some research first though. Remind them that you are of age and free to make your own decisions, but in the end its their house their rules so its best to honor those.

peckinpahhombre · Oct 20, 2013

I would keep it to yourself. Assuming your over 18, its your personal business.

lincolnsbark · Oct 20, 2013

I did this this summer. I found it helped most to completely own the situation and not feel ashamed or embarrassed to be a puffer. My parents were not particularly pleased but now I think almost enjoy it. My dad likes to smoke a cigar on the boat so we actually relate over the hobby now. Best wishes.

warren · Oct 20, 2013

I'm not sure why you want to confront them with your smoking. They'll smell it on your clothes and skin, in your hair and every time you walk pass them. If not and they are in the dark, why confront them with the information? Are you seeking their approval? Or, just forcing them to acknowledge that you want to appear to be a grownup and are capable of going against their wishes?
My father had quit cigars long before I started smoking. My mother was on the board of the Cancer Society. So when I did start, there were no ashtrays in the house and I sensed that smoking in the house was not a good idea. When visiting I would always smoke outside, even when there were other guests, some of whom smoked, and I never felt the need to make a statement that would force them to have to comment on my new "vice."
Do you tell them everything that happens in your life? No? Then why challenge them at this point. If they are disappointed in your choices, let them bring it up. I doubt they will feel the need to chastise you for your choice. If they do, take it like a man; they have the right to disapprove as you have the right to ignore them.

peckinpahhombre · Oct 20, 2013

Warren, you crystallized my thoughts on the subject far more eloquently than I could ever do myself.

warren · Oct 20, 2013

peckinpahhombr: Thank you sir.

auslander · Oct 20, 2013

Warren, you nailed it.
An old bloke told me once, "There is a lot to be said about not saying anything"

rmason · Oct 20, 2013

You could do what I did two years ago when I told my parents I started smoking a pipe, just walk in the house with it in your mouth and say look what I decided to do. Yet again I was a little more blunt and they did know I was a cigar smoker so I guess they saw it coming as a logical progression. Either way good luck and remember your an adult it is your decision what to do with your life.

~Ron

Coming Out to Non-smoker Parents

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