Close to final edit on my pipe smoking column

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cmdrmcbragg

Lifer
Jul 29, 2013
1,739
3
Thanks to plenty of help from you all. I understand that I can't impress every reader and that's just the nature of writing. As of now, I still have a day to make changes before I need to have this in hard copy and on my way to turn it in. I am much happier with what I have now than what I had before.
Once again, thanks to all who have been helpful with edits and suggestions.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________
There are many things to be enjoyed in life, and for some -including myself- one of those is lighting up a pipe and puffing away on a good tobacco blend. There is something about the hobby of pipe smoking that just draws us in and creates a bond.

I picked up pipe tobacco smoking last year during the summer as another extension of my cigarette and cigar smoking. It was an experience that led me to put down the cigarettes, the worst of the bunch as far as society could be concerned. Pipe smoking surely is still frowned upon by society that views smoking as a dirty and unhealthy activity

But pipe smoking also has an image in the minds of the public. Cigar smoking could be said to be something that the affluent do due to its usage in advertising and movies, but pipe smoking is generally held as something that the bright or eccentric engage in.

Some influential and recognizable people have been associated with pipe smoking, or were avid puffers themselves: mathematician Albert Einstein, General Douglas MacArthur, General George Patton, authors Mark Twain and J.R.R. Tolkien, researcher Jacques Cousteau, President Gerald Ford, physicist Julius Oppenheimer and many others.

Those real people almost all stand in the shadow of probably the most famous pipe smoker of all, the fictional private investigator, Sherlock Holmes. Holmes is always depicted in pictures with a large calabash pipe, the signature sharp nose and his deerstalker cap. This image of the almost genius Holmes is one most would conjure up when thinking about someone who smokes a pipe.

Most of us are none of those men, but by smoking a pipe there is a loose association with them.

The history behind it all brings that nostalgia of yesteryears and among them that includes old family members. Like many in the pipe smoking community, our grandfathers may have smoked a pipe, as mine did. I remember as a child my grandfather riding high on his tractor with a pipe clenched in his mouth as he bush hogged the field.

For those I have encountered in public while I am smoking some have recounted to me that the smell coming from my pipe reminds them of their grandpa. Those are positive experiences that hopefully bring a moment of fond memories to those I and other pipers encounter. That nostalgia is just one allure that draws those in the hobby to pipe smoking, one of other more common refrains is the contemplative and relaxing nature of piper smoking. It could be described as almost ritualistic in the most peaceful way.

Aside from the enjoyment in the act of smoking, there is also the aesthetics of the hobby when it comes to collecting. I have 10 pipes which may seem like a lot, but there are many within the pipe smoking community that far exceed my own modest collection. Pipes come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and with the resurgence of uniquely shaped artisan pipes have begun to command admiration and hundreds of dollars per piece from the market.

But at the heart of it all is the tobacco itself. The pipes are nothing more than expensive pieces of woodwork without the leaf. There are literally hundreds if not thousands of blends from numerous brands and artisan blenders to smoke. What my granddad smoked is barely the tip of the iceberg anymore in the world of tobacco blends. Now thanks in large part to the internet and the growing community of pipe smokers, there is a Willie Wonka buffet of blends: sweet smelling aromatics, rich Virginias, spicy Orientals, smoky English. There is an endless list of blends that it would be impossible to try them all, but some do try.

There is just something special to us about the hobby. From picking a pipe that suits a mood or just plucking an old favorite, to choosing the tobacco that seems like a good fit for your disposition or even the time of day, pipe smoking is something that is immensely enjoyed yet not quite understood by the public. Luckily the old guard has been welcoming of younger smokers into the briar brotherhood. We all share a bond that other smokers don’t have quite the claim to.

 

spud

Starting to Get Obsessed
Apr 10, 2013
182
0
I like this rewrite much better than the last one. Congrats..

 

sparrowhawk

Lifer
Jul 24, 2013
2,941
219
Just a little correction in the final sentence: maybe it should read as "quite the same claim." Gets rid of that hanging "to".

 

rmbittner

Lifer
Dec 12, 2012
2,759
1,995
I just have a couple of comments. . .
In the first sentence: "lighting up a pipe" and "puffing away" are two separate activities. So I'd suggest replacing the "one of those is" phrase with "two of those are."
I think your third sentence would be better if it started "I picked up pipe smoking," rather than "pipe tobacco smoking." After all, you don't say "cigarette tobacco smoking" or "cigar tobacco smoking."
"Holmes is always depicted in pictures with a large calabash pipe..." This is simply inaccurate. Holmes has been depicted smoking pipes of a wide variety of shapes and sizes. (And I'm only talking about the illustrations accompanying the original stories. Never mind the film portrayals.)
"Aesthetics" is a plural noun. It requires a plural verb.
The last sentence doesn't bother me with its hanging preposition. It bothers me more that it just kind of peters out at the end. If you want to revise it, I'd suggest: "We all share a bond that other smokers cannot claim." I'm not sure "quite" plays any significant role in the original, so it can come out.
Finally, I'm going to have to go to the other thread about this post, because I don't really understand who you're writing this for. It just seems like a general personal essay without a strong point to make, other than that you enjoy smoking a pipe. Which is, of course, a perfectly fine statement to make! But I'm just not sure what the hook is that would get someone to stay with it from start to finish.
EDIT: Okay, I just read through the other thread. I get now that this is a column-writing exercise for a class. But people read columns for two reasons: Personality and Information. You actually haven't provided much of either in my opinion. There are a lot of generalities here -- and they're delivered in the kind of circumspect tone you'd find in a column from, say, the 1940s. For example, someone could read this and have no idea that you're a college student! That's not right. This needs to sound much more like *you*, in my opinion. And you need some facts: When you joined the ranks of contemporary pipe smokers, how many pipe smokers did you join? In other words, how many people smoke tobacco pipes these days? How many commercially available blends are there, really? (I doubt that it's "thousands.") And artisan pipes can sell for five figures, not "hundreds." You need specifics.
Finally, I'll also note that your list of pipe smoking people *also* makes this sound like it was written in the 1940s. Why not mention artisan pipe maker and pop musician Jody Davis, who plays with the Newsboys? Trust me, more young people will know the Newsboys than they'll know Gen. MacArthur!
OK, that's my .02.
Bob

 

cmdrmcbragg

Lifer
Jul 29, 2013
1,739
3
@rmbittner, thanks for the read, comments and suggestions. Like I had mentioned in the other thread, this sort of writing isn't what I normally do. I primarily do sports column writing, so my voice is a bit off because I wanted to step outside my comfort zone for the final. My teacher has already seen my usual writing when it comes to sports, politics and current events. The word limit is really a drag and is always one of my bigger problems, I'm more comfortable with at least 1000 words to work with.

 

rmbittner

Lifer
Dec 12, 2012
2,759
1,995
"The word limit is really a drag and is always one of my bigger problems, I'm more comfortable with at least 1000 words to work with."
Granted, it's much more difficult to write short than long. But in the real world, most print columns and articles these days are far more likely to be in the 500-800 word range than in the 1,000-word+ range. In fact, it's not unusual for a lot of magazine freelancers to be limited to 250 words for FOB pieces. Anything over 1,200 words is considered especially long in the current marketplace.
I just turned in an 1,800-word piece, and it was the first article of that length that I've written in a long, long time. It's been more than a decade since I've been able to write over 2,000 words (not counting books, of course). But these are for markets paying .75-$2/word. You might be able to write at great length for markets that pay more like .10/word.
But maybe you're only writing for school. . . in which case "the real world" probably doesn't make any difference to you.
Bob

 

cmdrmcbragg

Lifer
Jul 29, 2013
1,739
3
The websites I write for prefer longer pieces and after writing lengthy paper after paper for classes it is hard to fit a complex thought into a much smaller writing space. Just one of the challenges that comes with the territory. Adapt and overcome. Another aspect is readers become bored easily and give up. I understand needing to hook the reader, but rarely do I start reading something and quit before finishing. That's just me though.

 

rmbittner

Lifer
Dec 12, 2012
2,759
1,995
Sorry for laboring this. . .
I think you could easily cut 250 words from the above, and then use that space to offer some actual facts as well as paint at least one vivid scene. I understand -- and applaud -- your desire to give your professor something different from what you've submitted before. But I think this piece could be much stronger if it had some personality in it. Right now, it could have been written by any pipe smoker who ever lived. I think it needs to read more like a college student in 2014 who has found himself enamored with a hobby most often associated with grandparents.
For example, the following could be lifted out completely without affecting your piece much at all (which I think is a problem):
=============

But pipe smoking also has an image in the minds of the public. Cigar smoking could be said to be something that the affluent do due to its usage in advertising and movies, but pipe smoking is generally held as something that the bright or eccentric engage in.

Some influential and recognizable people have been associated with pipe smoking, or were avid puffers themselves: mathematician Albert Einstein, General Douglas MacArthur, General George Patton, authors Mark Twain and J.R.R. Tolkien, researcher Jacques Cousteau, President Gerald Ford, physicist Julius Oppenheimer and many others.

Those real people almost all stand in the shadow of probably the most famous pipe smoker of all, the fictional private investigator, Sherlock Holmes. Holmes is always depicted in pictures with a large calabash pipe, the signature sharp nose and his deerstalker cap. This image of the almost genius Holmes is one most would conjure up when thinking about someone who smokes a pipe.

Most of us are none of those men, but by smoking a pipe there is a loose association with them.

The history behind it all brings that nostalgia of yesteryears and among them that includes old family members. Like many in the pipe smoking community, our grandfathers

may have smoked a pipe, as mine did. I remember as a child my grandfather riding high on his tractor with a pipe clenched in his mouth as he bush hogged the field.

=============
Of course, this is just my opinion. But it's the opinion of someone who has been an editor and a freelance writer publishing -- for pay -- for nearly 30 years, with hundreds of magazine articles and six nonfiction books to my credit. And I've been a full-time freelancer for 14 of those years.
Bob

 

cmdrmcbragg

Lifer
Jul 29, 2013
1,739
3
@Rmbittner, I'll go through another edit without the above section. I'll try your suggestion out and go with a different main body. Sounds like a good suggestion and that "any pipe smoker who ever lived" could've written that is a pretty fair evaluation when you put it that way. I have a math final I have to cram for and if I get a C or even a D on it I will never have to take another math class again. I'll fit this edit in while watching hockey and let you know how it goes.

 

rmbittner

Lifer
Dec 12, 2012
2,759
1,995
"I'll fit this edit in while watching hockey and let you know how it goes."
As a writer, I can't help wishing you'd give this piece your full attention. :) BUT, what if that became the point of this column?
Look at it this way: You're a busy student with myriad interests and assignments to juggle. You're always crunched for time and under pressure. So where do you turn for relaxation? Pipe smoking. It connects you with your past (pipe-smoking grandfather), relaxes your mind through ritual (cleaning, preparing the bowl, lighting, tamping -- none of which has been mentioned yet), helps to tell your fellow classmates -- and the world around you -- that you're an individual who doesn't have to follow the herd, and connects you -- via the Internet -- with a worldwide brotherhood.
Just some thoughts...
Bob

 

cmdrmcbragg

Lifer
Jul 29, 2013
1,739
3
The writing does get my full attention, the TV being on is basically a visual radio broadcast: I'm just getting the sound in my ear holes as I type away. As a dad and military vet, I'm very used to having to split my attention three or four ways at any given moment, part of the job. Maybe I'll get to it after I get off work so I can sit outside and smoke while working this out.

 

escioe

Part of the Furniture Now
Oct 31, 2013
702
4
I've written some bomb-ass essays while listening to baseball games on the radio, and some decent stories while listening to instrumental music.

 
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