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deathmetal

Lifer
Jul 21, 2015
7,714
32
The Royal Yacht Fanclub Manifesto
There are many tobaccos, but hovering above the top of the heap is perhaps the noblest of them all, Royal Yacht. Comprised of Virginias sent through a proprietary process that brings out their hidden strength, this blend has delighted pipers and Nicotine-addicted maniacs for over a century.
1. If Royal Yacht tastes like old gym socks dipped in kerosene, should I keep smoking it?
Obviously something is off about your palate. Consider fasting for several weeks and drinking nothing but water to reset your tongue. If you can find a way to add Nicotine to those gym socks, I'll give it a try.
2. Wouldn't you rather be smoking a more complex blend?
I'll consider it, when I run out of Royal Yacht. Until then, keep your art student tobaccos away from me.
3. I smoke five bowls a week. How much Royal Yacht should I order?
You're thinking about this all wrong. If you have sixteen conscious hours a day, that is approximately 14 bowls of tobacco at 3g each. This means you can smoke six tins of Royal Yacht a week, which means you need two and a half pounds of Royal Yacht a month. Subtract your current age from 100, and multiply that times 36 to find the number of pounds you need. For starters.
4. The last time I smoked Royal Yacht, I woke up on the floor and strange dancing women were attempting to seduce me, shortly before I was hauled off to jail for crimes I do not remember committing.
This is a fairly typical Royal Yacht experience. Smoke at home, and say hello to the ladies for me. Some members of the fanclub chain themselves to their chairs before enjoying to avoid the high legal services bills.
5. All of my friends refer to Royal Yacht as "Royal Yuck." They seem to think it is disgusting. Is there any legitimacy to their viewpoint?
Every viewpoint is legitimate. However, some people are just crazy. You need new friends. You'll thank me later.

 

deathmetal

Lifer
Jul 21, 2015
7,714
32
Let's face it: many people dislike Royal Yacht. Fear it, even.
I, as a service to the community, am trying to absorb as much of it as possible in order to protect them from it.
I will not be happy until I order enough so that the Post Office has to send out one of their little trucks specially to drop it all off, hehe.
Then I will make a throne of it, and sit up on that, blowing smoke rings and I enjoy the endless pleasures of Royal Yacht... and for a moment, just a moment, even Royal Yacht haters will question themselves.

 

deathmetal

Lifer
Jul 21, 2015
7,714
32
Just the other day, I was standing in a group of pipe smokers. "Death to the Enemy!" screamed a voice, and someone tossed a tin of Royal Yacht into the middle of the group. Thinking selflessly, I dived on it before any others could be harmed.

 

jefff

Lifer
May 28, 2015
1,915
6
Chicago
Most of them. I have had an affinity with Mcc for 35 years. I like glp when it's sat in the tin for a while. And FVF too.
I want to start trying some burley blends but I am a little skeptical because that is what I was aware of 40 years ago and they were rather crummy.

 

mcitinner1

Lifer
Apr 5, 2014
4,043
24
Missouri
I took the Yacht for a spin this morning, but my favorite Dunhill blend is Nightcap. Nightcap was $6.50 per tin yesterday on Flea Market Friday, and I grabbed 15 tins that will sit next to my two pounds in jars of bulk Nightcap. I'm hooked...

 
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