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Axioms

(74 posts)
  • Started 3 years ago by shikano53
  • Latest reply from derfatdutchman
  1. shikano53

    shikano53

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    1) No matter where you sit around a campfire or which direction the wind is blowing from, the smoke will always blow into your eyes...

    2) ?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  2. gtclark

    gtclark

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    2) Never get involved in a land war in Asia

    3) Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line

    4) ?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  3. shikano53

    shikano53

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    4) Never spray your wife with the garden hose...

    5) ?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  4. hawke

    hawke

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    5) Never grow up

    Are those Tobacco Brownies?
    Posted 3 years ago #
  5. cortezattic

    Cortez

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    You always find the thing you're searching for in the last place you look!

    I find myself sitting idly on the line dividing past and future,
    as if I could kill time without injuring eternity. -- Thoreau
    Posted 3 years ago #
  6. brian64

    brian64

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B48D60wH8gA

    “Bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” – George Carlin
    Posted 3 years ago #
  7. maxx

    maxx

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    Social power does not confer wisdom.

    "Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect."
    ~ Samuel Johnson ~
    Posted 3 years ago #
  8. shikano53

    shikano53

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    As you grow older your car keys move around on their own.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  9. shikano53

    shikano53

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    10) Your motorcycle will always break down at two o'clock in the morning in a torrential downpour, 100 miles from the closest human habitation.
    11) Your wife will only sit on the motorcycle handlebars with a flashlight duct taped to her helmet if you PROMISE her a trip to Hawaii
    12)If you recant on your promise to take her to Hawaii you WILL spend 3 months in a hospital having your anatomy put back in the correct order.
    13) If you tell your 5 year old grandson that you will give him a dollar if he pees on the electric, cattle fence, YOU will pay him one hundred dollars to not tell grandma about the incident.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  10. cobguy

    Darin

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    Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  11. prairiedruid

    prairiedruid

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    Never pee into the wind

    Posted 3 years ago #
  12. seacaptain

    seacaptain

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    You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  13. seacaptain

    seacaptain

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    Never eat spinach with a stranger.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  14. seacaptain

    seacaptain

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    None of us are getting out of this alive.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  15. dulgunz

    dulgunz

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    Never pet sweaty things and never sweat the small things

    Posted 3 years ago #
  16. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    "A man'll do a hell of a lot for a lil' free poontang." Doc Holliday.

    Rebels been rebels since I don't know when
    Posted 3 years ago #
  17. shikano53

    shikano53

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    There's no such thing as too MANY pipes

    Posted 3 years ago #
  18. cobguy

    Darin

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    The road to hell is paved with good intentions

    Posted 3 years ago #
  19. weezell

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    Shit dont stink till you step in it...

    "the weez"...
    Posted 3 years ago #
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    aldecaker

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    There's always one deformed M&M in every bag, but by God, they still taste good.

    A man who serves his country is a patriot. A man who serves his government is an employee. The two are not always the same thing.
    Posted 3 years ago #
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    aldecaker

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    Oh, and as my old Grand Dad used to say, "When your heart's in the right place place, your head is usually up your ass".

    Posted 3 years ago #
  22. shikano53

    shikano53

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    What's poontang?
    Is that Elbonian for tobacco?

    Posted 3 years ago #
  23. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    "It doesn't matter how big a ranch you own or how many cows you brand, the size of your funeral is still gonna depend on the weather." - Harry Truman

    Posted 3 years ago #
  24. derfatdutchman

    derfatdutchman

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    No good deed goes unpunished.
    Don't itch for something, you are not willing to scratch for.

    "The value of tobacco is best understood when it is the last you possess, and there is no chance of getting more."
    Bismark
    Posted 3 years ago #
  25. mso489

    mso489

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    The best way to prevent rain is to carry an umbrella.

    A new broom sweeps cleanest, but an old broom knows where the dirt is.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  26. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    “I’ll Do It Later”

    Don't procrastinate!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  27. sothron

    Perique

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    Don't wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  28. sablebrush52

    sablebrush52

    The Bard Of Barlings
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    Every silver lining has a cloud.

    The pulse in the supposedly disconnected electrified cattle fence will hit you at the exact moment that you are straddling it.

    You can fly farther than you ever imagined.

    It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

    It is pointless to argue with a fanatic since a dim bulb can't be converted into a searchlight. - Jesse Silver
    Posted 3 years ago #
  29. dottiewarden

    dottiewarden

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    Never say never!

    Dot
    Posted 3 years ago #
  30. chasingembers

    Embers

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    A pipe gives a wise man time to think, and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

    If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

    Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you.
    -Edward Teach
    Posted 3 years ago #
  31. cosmicfolklore

    Cosmic

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    Want in one hand, crap in the other, and see which one fills up faster.

    If you're going to see if you can fly, start from the ground, not the top of tallest building.

    Michael
    Posted 3 years ago #
  32. fadingdaylight

    fadingdaylight

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    Holding grudges is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

    - Jason
    "Lost in thought and lost in time... While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted... Outside the rain fell dark and slow... While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime..."
    Posted 3 years ago #
  33. chasingembers

    Embers

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    The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  34. fadingdaylight

    fadingdaylight

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    Question everything.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  35. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    "First getting shot, then getting married - bad habits". Cole Younger

    Posted 3 years ago #
  36. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    Double post.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  37. fadingdaylight

    fadingdaylight

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    Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em... Lol.

    Posted 3 years ago #
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    aldecaker

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    @gtclark: 4)Never go longer than six months without re-watching The Princess Bride!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  39. shikano53

    shikano53

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    1 is none and 2 are 1
    context:

    If you have only 1 flashlight, 1 can opener, 1 chem stick; it will fail.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  40. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    "I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches." Alice Roosevelt Longworth

    Posted 3 years ago #
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    aldecaker

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    I like tennis.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  42. shikano53

    shikano53

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    OCD will make you repeat things.

    OCD will make you repeat things.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  43. prairiedruid

    prairiedruid

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    If the women don't find you handsome at least let them find you handy.

    If it's not broke you're not trying hard enough.

    Keep your stick on the ice; we're all in this together.

    Musings of the Canadian wiseman.......Red Green

    Posted 3 years ago #
  44. jfox520

    jfox520

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    It's not broke, it just lacks duct tape.

    Tobacco Reviews https://jfox520.blogspot.com/
    Over 10,000 page views.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  45. yaboofive

    Richard Gonzalez

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    First things first, but not necessarily in that order.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  46. jiujitsubowl

    jiujitsubowl

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    If a friend offers to get you a yellow snow cone, dont eat it!

    “I believe that many who find that "nothing happens" when they sit down, or kneel down, to a book of devotion, would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working their way through a tough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand.” -CS LEWIS-
    Posted 3 years ago #
  47. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    "Once you riot, you never go buy it!" -- overheard at Ferguson, Mo.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  48. shikano53

    shikano53

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    Slackers of the world unite!
    Tomorrow...

    Posted 3 years ago #
  49. brudnod

    Spencer

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    Old dermatology rule: if its wet, dry it; if its dry wet it; and if its going away, spread it around.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  50. dottiewarden

    dottiewarden

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    You can never go back to the scene of a perfect crime.

    Johnette Napolitano

    Posted 3 years ago #
  51. stickframer

    stickframer

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    There's two miles of ditch for every mile of road.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  52. disinformatique

    The Pipe Monk

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    Winners never quit, quitters never win.

    Albert Einstein was once quoted as saying, “I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs.” One of the reasons behind this statement is that pipe smoking is meant to be a slow leisurely activity. It takes patience to smoke a pipe. Unlike cigarettes and cigars, there is a certain amount of technique to smoking a pipe. Where cigars and cigarettes can just be picked up, lit and puffed on, pipes require the development of a technique in order to get the best smoking experience.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  53. newbroom

    newbroom

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    One farmer to another during a torrential rain: "if it keeps up, it won't come down".

    Posted 3 years ago #
  54. bonehed

    bonehed

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    Shake and shake the ketchup bottle... none will come, and then a lot'll!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  55. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    We're being visited by aliens and they live here on earth!" -- from FBI document

    Posted 3 years ago #
  56. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    Posted 3 years ago #
  57. oldreddog

    oldreddog

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    I believe in moderation, in moderation

    Killing me won't bring back your apples.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  58. shikano53

    shikano53

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    Every time a worry gets out of your worry box another one immediately jumps in to take it's place.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  59. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    Posted 3 years ago #
  60. elbert

    elbert

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    Ha! Love that billboard.

    "An thou hast them, smoketh them!" -An Old Philosopher
    Posted 3 years ago #
  61. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    Ha! Love that billboard.

    My wife thinks the axiom fits me to a tee, & I must have been the one to paint the graffiti!

    Posted 3 years ago #
  62. shikano53

    shikano53

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    Sometimes things happen that we have no explanation for...

    Posted 3 years ago #
  63. cobguy

    Darin

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    I can't believe this one isn't listed yet:

    Posted 3 years ago #
  64. deathmetal

    deathmetal

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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6DUw4cZD-k

    !!!

    "My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whiskey." -- William Faulkner

    The Metal Mixtures
    Posted 3 years ago #
  65. jefflee01

    jefflee01

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    When in doubt use c-4.

    Posted 3 years ago #
  66. warren

    warren

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    Money can't buy happiness. (I believe that was coined by an unhappy, broke person.) Money will rent happiness however.

    A man without a shillelagh is a man without an expedient.
    Posted 3 years ago #
  67. maxx

    maxx

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    The unforgivable crime is soft hitting. Do not hit at all if it can be avoided; but never hit softly.

    Theodore Roosevelt

    Posted 3 years ago #
  68. porshcigar

    porshcigar

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    There are two choices in life: You can be happy with what you have, or you can be unhappy with what you don't have.

    Chicago Pipe Show May 6 & 7, 2017
    Posted 3 years ago #
  69. johnnyreb

    johnnyreb

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    Posted 3 years ago #
  70. seacaptain

    seacaptain

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    I came into this world with nothing and I still have most of it.

    Posted 3 years ago #

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