Passed the NYS Bar Exam, Now What Pipe Do I Get?

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lincolnsbark

Preferred Member
Apr 11, 2013
641
0
Brothers, it is with the happiest heart I let you all know I passed the bar exam and am now officially a lawyer. Lincolnsbark, esq.
Now what celebratory pipe to I buy?

 

danielplainview

Preferred Member
Mar 30, 2014
2,852
3
wv
Any pipe you want! You'll be be raking in the money hand over fist soon.

I highly recommend a gold plated S. Bang.

Congrats!

 

klause

Preferred Member
Jul 9, 2012
554
0
Happy Dayz!!! Congratulations - thats great news.
Get whatever pipe you want - cheap, expensive, named, no-name - it doesn't matter as it will forever be associated with this moment.
Might I suggest you also get a single pipe holder to place it in on your desk, as a daily reminder of this moment?

 

cortezattic

Preferred Member
Nov 19, 2009
14,396
148
Chicago, IL
Congrats for a noteworthy accomplishment! :clap:

The pipe, of course, must be one that "speaks" to you; but from a distinguished house like Dunhill or Castello.

From recent conversations in the forums I gather that Castello is one that everybody should own. So why not start there?

 

condorlover1

Preferred Member
Dec 22, 2013
3,521
50
New York
Congratulations! Now here is only worldly advice I can give you. If you are at a social function or party and someones asks you what you do, tell them you are a plumber or something, unless of course its an attractive girl. That way you don't get dragged into people burdening you with their legal problems or asking for free advice. It also has the added advantage of saving on the amount of business cards you have to buy to replace the ones that you have given out to people that will never generate any cash!

 

tbradsim1

Preferred Member
Jan 14, 2012
7,442
12
Long ago you told us you had an important trial, I asked for feedback and you gave it, You gonna do good if you remember one thing, Dont tell people you're a Lawyer as Condor said. Just joking , I"m smoking to your success this morning , quite an achievement . :clap:

 

jitterbugdude

Preferred Member
Mar 25, 2014
994
1
Congratulations! I would motion that you get a Altinok Meer. There may be objections to this motion but I am sure that on appeal they will be denied. Of course, you could always buy an old antique pipe but then you'd probably need to get a re-"tort".... :)
ps.. don't forget to check your "briefs" daily!

 

condorlover1

Preferred Member
Dec 22, 2013
3,521
50
New York
OK guys here are the better examples of lawyer stupidity. Some of these actually took place in the court room I am reliably informed by friends of mine who practice in Texas!!
o Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"

o Witness: "I only have one, you know."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"

o Witness: "By death."

o Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

________________________________________

o Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"

o Witness: "July 15th."

o Lawyer: "What year?"

o Witness: "Every year."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"

o Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."

o Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"

o Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."

o Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"

o Witness: "'Winchester'!"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"

o Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"

o Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."

o Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"

o Witness: "Er...his face."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"

o Witness: "Yes."

o Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"

o Witness: "I forget."

o Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"

o Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."

o Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"

o Witness: "Forty-five years."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"

o Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"

o Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"

o Witness: "My name is Susan."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"

o Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"

o Witness: "After the accident?"

o Lawyer: "Before the accident."

o Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"

o Witness: "Yes."

o Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"

o Witness: "Yes, sir."

o Lawyer: "What did she say?"

o Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"

o Witness: "No."

o Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"

o Witness: "No."

o Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"

o Witness: "No."

o Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"

o Witness: "No."

o Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"

o Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."

o Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"

o Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"

o Officer: "Yes, I do."

o Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"

o Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What happened then?"

o Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"

o Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"

o Witness: "No."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"

o Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

________________________________________

o Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."

o Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"

o Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."

o Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."

o Witness: "That's me."

o Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"

o Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."

o Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"

o Witness: "Yes."

o Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"

o Witness: "Four times."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"

o Witness: "Yes."

o Lawyer: "How many were boys?"

o Witness: "None."

o Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"

o Witness: "Yes."

o Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"

o Witness: "Not yet."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"

o Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."

o Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"

o Witness: "Borofkin."

o Lawyer: "What's his first name?"

o Witness: "I can't remember."

o Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"

o Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"

o Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.

o Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"

o Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.

o Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"

o Witness: "No."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"

o Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"

o Witness: "Fair."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Are you married?"

o Witness: "No, I'm divorced."

o Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"

o Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"

o Witness: "My ex-widow said it.

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"

o Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"

o Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"

o Witness: "Yes sir."

o Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"

o Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."

________________________________________

o The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"

o Witness: "No."

o Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"

o Witness: "Picking them up in the air."

o Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"

o Witness: "Attached to the ears."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"

o Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"

o Witness: "Oral."

o Lawyer: "How old are you?"

o Witness: "Oral."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"

o Witness: "She is my daughter."

o Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"

o Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."

o Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"

o Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"

o Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."

o Lawyer: "It was covered?"

o Witness: "Yes, bandaged."

o Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"

o Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"

o Witness: "I could see his head."

o Lawyer: "And where was his head?"

o Witness: "Just above his shoulders."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"

o Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"

o Witness: "The victim lived."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."

o Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."

________________________________________

o Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"

o Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."

Attribution: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/courtroom.shtml

 

jlr1

New member
May 29, 2014
41
0
As a member of the New York State Bar for the past thirty three years, I offer you my heartfelt congratulations. By the way, my daughter also found out today that she passed the New York State Bar exam. Great day all around.

 

wilson

Preferred Member
Apr 17, 2013
719
0
Congrats to lincolnsbark, and to jlr1 as well for his daughter. Well done on all around.
Linconlsbark, I think the choice of a new pipe is pretty obvious -- a Barrister model seems to be in order:

http://www.tobaccopipes.com/barrister/

 

jguss

Preferred Member
Jul 7, 2013
670
0
If you're willing to buy an estate pipe, here are a few suggestions:
a) An Orlik ("smoked by all shrewd judges") from England

b) A Magistrate, made by Hollyday Pipes in the US

c) A Judge, made by J. Jack & Co. in England

 

dread

Preferred Member
Jun 19, 2013
1,619
0
Congrats and welcome to the profession! Congrats to you as well, jlr1! I say go for a bulldog. :)

 

sablebrush52

Preferred Member
Jun 15, 2013
9,604
94
Congratulations! That's quite an achievement! Next, find a position. Then, buy a nice pipe.

 

zanthipal

New member
Feb 12, 2014
25
0
Welcome to the profession as well. If you're like the majority of us lawyers and won't be working at a big firm with the associated big paycheck, something more modest than an S. Bang might be in order. Whatever you get, make the first bowl some Orlik Golden Slices. Since it is "Smoked by all shrewd judges" it is bound to give you luck in front of the many shrewd judges you'll encounter.

 

terrygoldman123

Senior Member
Jun 2, 2013
427
0
Virginia
A hearty "well done." You're a barrister, finally.
Get a suit and tie to go with the pipe. A billiard to be sure and in the $150 range is plenty. May years of practice with your pipe and your chosen career follow you as you become a lawyer in the Empire State.