"New" Pipe Horror Stories

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Preferred Member
Oct 7, 2011
Chicago, IL
So I'll start with a mild experience. I picked up this genod at this past years Chicago show.

There was an old price sticker inside the bowl, but because I really liked the look and feel of the pipe, I sort of over looked this and planned on just peeling the thing off. Unfortunately this was a pipe he'd had around for some time, and the darned sticker would NOT come off, even w/ some help from my pocket knife. So i eventually took some Bacardi 151 and soaked the damn thing hoping it'd come off. And much of it did, except it left behind something pink. I'm not sure if this was glue residue or ink residue, but I'm sure neither one must have been very good for my health. Regardless, after many attempts to remove all the residue, I committed to just smoking the thing and it tasted friggen awful!. The 151 actually gave a bit of rum-sweetness, but whatever the pink shit was just overloaded a bitter acid that i knew was probably killing me. It took a good 6-7 bowls to wash that out of there......now it's a great pipe tho!
And now for a far worse story, that happened to a friend of mine. He bought his new pipe (not sure if it was new new or estate) and foolishly sort of bought it on a whim. Picked it up, and said I'll take it. And then even more foolishly didn't run any cleaners threw the thing or take it apart before packing. (If you're new to this here's come the big LESSON LEARNED moment....)As he started smoking he kept getting large black ash in his mouth, which we all found very odd. He also complained about how bad it was tasting, even though we were all smoking the same blend and the rest of us were enjoying greatly. So finally, after about 3 or 4 minutes of this, he decided to take the mouth piece off.....and out come running the surviving ants inside!!!!



Preferred Member
Jun 26, 2011
Pacific Northwest USA
Oooh look! Ants!

LOL, great story Anthony.
Seems the worst I've pulled, so far, had to do with a Brebbia CW that was a gurgler from hell.

Aside from suffering through said gurgling one night, I entered into the smoke zone. Don't recall the blend but this bowl was hitting magic.

Seated in my recliner I proceeded to lay back. Doing so the bowl elevated above my mouth and I was delivered a particularly large dose of pipe squeezin's.

As I came up gagging and spluttering SWMBO simply grinned...



Preferred Member
Nov 19, 2009
Chicago, IL
I thought that was leading up to a worm-in-the-pipe story.

I heard that the most common pipe shapes afflicted with worms are....

you guessed it, apples. :rofl:



Preferred Member
Jun 21, 2011
Ants! :laughat: That has to be the best story of all times. Could be the story of the year. :rofl:

What do every one think? Best of the best :?:



Junior Member
Oct 17, 2011
Thank you very much undecagon, I'll spend the rest of my life being paranoid about ants in my pipes :(



Junior Member
Aug 29, 2011
I once tested the draw on an old pipe I was considering in an antique shop. I got a mouth full of old ash and tobacco, and probably other nasty bits. I don't do that anymore.



Preferred Member
Oct 18, 2011
Tip for new players: DO NOT buy those cheap, shitty $15 mass produced Meershams on eBay just to see if you like pipe smoking before buying real pipes!
Why? Because the damn things will wait until you're blissfully sipping hands free on your 8th - 10th bowl, sitting there just puffing away, when all of a sudden the nasty little plastic stem is all that will be left in your mouth - the bowl of burning embers would've snapped free from the stem without even being touched, tumbled down your chest, spilling burning baccy all over your man-boobs and come to rest in your lap, the balance of the baccie singeing your pink bits!
If you wish to take this risk, then I can only recommend you take it in winter when you are clothed!



Preferred Member
Feb 1, 2010
Its inconceivable to me that ant's survived the pipe making process! Short of someone sucking up an intestinal parasite through the mouth piece, we have a winner.



Preferred Member
Oct 31, 2013
Hate to bump an old thread, but I realized that undecagon is a friend of a friend and that I was present for the ant story. We were in the tent at Chicago and this old codger from the Seattle group was sitting with us. My pal lit the pipe, as described, took a few puffs, spit out the ash, etc. One of the ashes started crawling away. He set the pipe down, reached inside his coat, and lit a cigarette with a trembling hand. The codger says: 'I been smoking a pipe for sixty years and never saw nothin like that.'



Preferred Member
Jun 23, 2013
Wow, that ant story reminds me of a yellow jacket infested Mountain Dew can I drank out of when I was a kid!
As far as a pipe horror story, I don't really have one, but I did have a similar experience to the price sticker story. I bought a Peterson Dracula a few months back, which had some black stain in the bowl. It took several bowls to smoke it out, and the taste was terrible! It's a great smoker now though.



Preferred Member
Jun 15, 2013
the bowl of burning embers would've snapped free from the stem without even being touched, tumbled down your chest, spilling burning baccy all over your man-boobs and come to rest in your lap, the balance of the baccie singeing your pink bits!



Preferred Member
Feb 21, 2013
I can't match the ant story. The worst I've had with a new pipe was a beautiful 1/8 bent Dublin, pretty trim

pipe, that could not take a pipe cleaner without keeping wisps and balls of pipe cleaner fluff. I tried and tried

with that pipe, and finally traded it off. By comparison, I have recently bought a Peterson Belgique zulu Group 1,

a tiny bowl pipe. It accepts a pipe cleaner smooth as glass. Care in design and quality control.
The other disappointment was a Sav that gave me "flavor" with the no-filter adaptor. Again, I thought it would

fade, but it never did. It was a nice chunky little bulldog, but never tasted right. So farewell to that one too.

No regrets. Wouldn't want either one back.



Staff member
May 11, 2013
I always check the draw on the pipes I make several times as I'm cutting and adjusting the stems...There's nothing worse than sucking in on a stem and getting a big ole mouthful of ebonite dust...



Oct 8, 2013
I thought the guy was going to say he had been smoking a dead mouse. Still horrific. Makes me want to chunk just thinking about it because one time I ate a couple of handfuls of xmas popcorn from those big tins before I realized I was eating tons of ants in the popcorn. Tasted kind of perique like.