My Woman Left Me

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lostandfound

Preferred Member
Sep 30, 2011
908
0
Not that I want or deserve any sympathy. It's my fault. I didn't always show her how much I love her, and she had enough. My world is falling apart. I'm hyperventilating, panicking. We were supposed to get married, have a family, grow old together. That's what she always said she wanted, now, she wants no part of me now and I'm just trying to keep my mind off how bad I screwed up.
Sorry for the bummer of a post guys.

 

12pups

Preferred Member
Feb 9, 2014
1,063
1
Minnesota
Been there. Wait and see. I'm married to a woman who left me hanging once. And before that, I'd left women and they'd left me. Don't count her out yet, but don't sit at the doorstep like a lost puppy in the meantime.
Nothing to do but keep on being you. Covey says, you have to be independent before you can be inter-dependent in a healthy partnership. Be comfortable being you. Wade through this. It's tough going but the old saying is true. Time heals. (And a lot of us end up in a relationship so much better than the one we thought we were supposed to be in, I bet the same might be true for you).

 

12pups

Preferred Member
Feb 9, 2014
1,063
1
Minnesota
Don't discount the single guys here, either, who learned that being a bachelor is also a fulfilling vocation!
Japanese friend used to tell me when I was in your spot, "You don't need someone else to make you happy. Happiness is not a gift from someone. It is a choice you make."

 

dread

Preferred Member
Jun 19, 2013
1,619
0
+1 to what running said. Sorry for the pain, but if you love each other, then you can work through it, but you have to commit to doing it.

 

dochudson

Preferred Member
May 11, 2012
1,635
0
"My Woman" so how long had she been your woman? did you treat her like a girl-friend or the hired help?

 

cortezattic

Preferred Member
Nov 19, 2009
14,381
108
Chicago, IL
I don't have any advice for your relationship.

What you now think is hopeless and beyond retrieval will gradually diminish in importance.
Go do something nice for yourself away from home. You're a valuable person, and greatly esteemed around here.

We're here for you, so don't feel bad about posting -- it can relieve some anxiety.

 

cmdrmcbragg

Preferred Member
Jul 29, 2013
1,741
0
Sorry, bro. Shit happens, sometimes your hand is the one that dished it out. You just gotta decide if it is worth the time and effort to try and fix it or to focus your efforts on not repeating it with someone else. I had a guy who stayed with me for a year (how quick "a month" turned into 12 months) and he was obsessed with winning back his ex-fiancé. His focus was get a better job, be a better dad, get in better shape ... for her. She was never going to get back together with him, he was a wreck, kind of weird and kind of naive (invests in Iraqi Dinar, always talking about conspiracy theories and spiritual influence, etc.) and a drunk.
Long story short, he was too focused on doing all the things to make it better for her instead of improving his situation for himself, and getting off my couch. You gotta do you, man. Do it for yourself, don't do it for her. If things turn around between ya'll then right on, but don't force the issue and don't focus on her.
Enjoy the single life for a minute. Not saying ya gotta go chase skirts and hit the bar every night, but clean your place up, eat whatever you want, smoke, watch TV in your underwear if ya want ... whatever. Just check out being on your own. Have some friends over, do whatever.
I've been in some form of committed relationship for the last 7 years and I really enjoyed my time being single: watching sports, going to games, watching movies, hanging with my friends, buying whatever the hell I wanted (I miss having single people money). Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't, but at least try it out and maybe she'll come back. Give it some time, and some distance.

 

pylorns

Preferred Member
Aug 20, 2013
1,956
1
Austin
Keep in mind if showing how much you love her means opening up your pocket book and buying things then you're better off :)

 

okiescout

Preferred Member
Jan 27, 2013
1,530
0
Hi, Jerod. Sorry for the situation, buddy. If she is totally done, try and concentrate on where you are going tomorrow.

Jerod,look back only to learn from what you did wrong. You cant go back! The longer it takes to get over her the longer it will take you to move forward to where you are going next. Many of us have messed up at one point or another.

Right now you are just going to hurt. Wish I could say it wasn't that way.... but it is a hard truth. Know that you have brothers here who care that you are hurting.

 

txbeerboy

Member
Sep 5, 2013
186
0
Listening to some George Jones music might help the time pass. Just kidding! I know that isn't funny right now, but I can't think of any words of wisdom. It will get worst before it gets better. Just kidding again! Hang in there. This thing will work itself out in less than 48 hours probably. :)

 

sailorjeremy

Senior Member
Feb 25, 2014
420
0
Virginia
What you now think is hopeless and beyond retrieval will gradually diminish in importance.
Agreed! Been there before brother. All you can do is keep looking forward. If you get the chance to fix it, then fix it. Otherwise, only time will make it better.

 

misterlowercase

Preferred Member
May 31, 2012
4,296
1
Jerod - that's the crapper man...but you're aware enough to admit it may be your fault, that goes a long way and takes courage to come to grips with --- it could also be a warning sign, women have certain techniques they use to gain advantage --- if you truly did take her for granted, then she has good reason to put you in a "thinking place" and it's good that you actually are thinking --- but if you're a really cool guy to her and she still does this kind of thing, it's a warning sign of manipulative behavior and endless guilt-trips and you'd be better off without her in your life.
I hope everything works out, I know how painful it all can be.
I was once engaged and she called everything off and it pretty much destroyed me, I was a total puppydog for her too, all in, I told her to keep the ring because it was from the heart, but the damn thing wasn't paid for yet and getting the bill in the mail for the ring until I finally paid it off was beyond excruciating, a total drag --- but it was probably for the best, years later she actually asked me to marry her and I had to turn her down flat, even when she promised me "the good life" of leisure because she's a fancy phD sociologist and I've always kinda been a workin' class dude --- we did however remain friends with benefits! :wink:
Just give it some time and see where everything falls, and don't be too hard on yourself...
...if it's over for good, you gotta bounce back bigger and now you're equipped with more "extra sensitivity skillz" to build upon or whatever.
Hang tough man,

the dark storm shall pass.

 

smokeybear

Preferred Member
Dec 21, 2012
2,204
0
Brampton,Ontario,Canada
Ask yourself why she left you, then ask your self is that something your willing to change about yourself to make it work?
Relationships are all about sacrifice yet men have a habit of getting comfortable with the way things are and woman have a habit of thinking the men are the ones who always need to change and make sacrifices. Men and Woman naturally make it difficult to co-exist its natures form of natural selection.
If you can not be yourself with her them its not meant to be. A woman is suppose to either love you as you are or make you the better man you want to be and vise versa. Your suppose to help each other achieve great things that you want to achieve both as a couple and as individuals. If the whole relationship feels like a chore then this is a good thing.
Find yourself again, go out with your friends meet new people and be the man you want to be. Better things always come when your out looking.
I used to smoke Aromatics until i forced myself to smoke Virginia and now my tastes have changed ive become a more refined and experienced pipe smoker.
Basically force yourself in the right direction and eventually you will better yourself.

 

msandoval858

Preferred Member
Jun 11, 2012
954
0
Austin, TX
We've all been there done that. Every guy has that "one that got away" story to tell I'm sure.
At this point you have come to that dreaded crossroads. Either you take stock of the things that went wrong, come to terms with it and take it as a lesson, and move on with your life. Or, you man the f' up and go after her if you really want her back. Women don't want a pathetic puppy dog kinda guy chasing them around so be confident and tell her what you want. It may or may not work but there's something to be said about not going down without a fight.

 

buffalopat

New member
Jul 15, 2014
47
0
I know it sucks right now, brother, but it will get better. Crack open a bottle of scotch and smoke a few bowls, then head back out there and find someone better.

 

mso489

Preferred Member
Feb 21, 2013
25,886
63
The pain will pass, but hearing that doesn't help at all today. Now is the time to be close to family and/or

friends and do the things you couldn't do because you were in a relationship. Then, there is the great blessing

of having some independent time, as unsatisfactory as that may sound. People often miss having time to

get to know and better understand themselves, and that can make you happier and make you a better partner

in a future relationship. When I was in college, I had a huge crush on a woman friend, but I didn't have the

place, means, or transportation for a relationship, so we were just friends. After the military, and more school,

I met and married another remarkable and wonderful woman with whom I shared 23 years of marriage, until

I lost her to illness. I was a widower for ten years, then heard from my long-ago college friend, we started a

longterm commuter friendship and were married four years ago. She is another remarkable and wonderful

relationship. But as a widower, I had a relationship that ended in my getting summarily dumped and sent off

in the rain, just to make it more pathetic. As the old song lyric says: "Isn't life funny?" My friend, you have

now joined the club; take good care of yourself, try to understand yourself, and things will get better.

 

necron99

Member
Mar 4, 2014
269
0
Its hard for me to believe its all your fault, because pendulums always swing both ways. Beside who said you want all that married with children growing old together stuff to start with.
"Relationships are all about sacrifice yet men have a habit of getting comfortable with the way things are and woman have a habit of thinking the men are the ones who always need to change and make sacrifices. Men and Woman naturally make it difficult to co-exist its natures form of natural selection. " this is some brilliant stuff read it until ya understand it completely.
I know a dude right now who is pining away over a b*tch that treated him like shiza. But he has convinced himself he loves her but she left him. So he mopes and moans about how sad he is and how he blew it.